BanditK Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Hey everybody, I’m just looking to make sure I’m doing the right thing. In Jaunary. I broke up with my long term, long distance gal of two years. We had rough patches but were very close. I went NC to prevent us from getting back together. She was heartbroken but eventually moved on and dated another guy within a month. Around that time, I realized I had feelings and made a mistake. I wrote her a letter and she called me, said she wasn’t sure how she felt and she had the new guy. A week later, she calls to say the guy broke up with her. I tried a grand romantic gesture to get her back and she just said she needed time because of school. She told me a few times to move on and it would be her mistake if she realized I was the “one” again. Lately, she has been hinting and wanting to get together for a few dates to see if the “spark” is still there. Mind you, I live in Missouri and she is a state away and getting ready to move to the west coast for a job. This gets my hopes up and then she begins to get very short with me and I find myself doing a lionshare of the work to keep this “friendship” going. Basically, I’ve had enough. I screwed up a lot in our relationship but I have done many things to try to right the wrongs. She agrees I have. However, I’m tired of the wishywashyness of her actions and feelings. As of last night, I began to go NC and plan to stay so. I’m tired of nearly getting over it, only to be dragged back down. Is this the right course of action or am I crazy? Thanks.
BustedUpInside Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 It definitely sounds like you guys need some time and space apart so that you can sort through your feelings. I think the possibility of getting back together is blinding you to the most important question. Do you really want to get back together or would a renewed relationship just mean that she forgave you so then you wouldn't have to feel guilty anymore You guys have both got to stop pressuring each other. She is pressuring you to show how sorry you are, and your are pressuring her to forgive you and take you back. Pressure is not going to fix the underlying issues, it is just going to make you both anxious and crazy. NC is going to give you the chance to breathe again. Then when you have calmed down and can think logically, you will have a better idea of what the right path is. Good luck and I hope whatever you choose, it is right for you, and works out how you hoped 1
Author BanditK Posted May 30, 2013 Author Posted May 30, 2013 I wholeheartedly agree that we have issues. I really did want to be with her but I ended up acting pathetically a d what have you. She told me she is confused because some days she is over it and some days she wonders if it is a mistake to let me go. She wants to experience life and I am tired of being yanked around. She's never played games before but I am getting the feeling that she is now. We hadn't talked much in the prior two days and I asked her if she was ok. 8 hours later, she said "I'm fine." Two hours later she asked if I was ok. I just deleted the text...... No one should ever have to beg someone to love and care for them. She says she cares but isn't in love right now.
aisuru Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 You need a reset IF you are ever to work out later. Right now you're in the ping pong world of push and pull. It's a ****ty place to be and kills many a relationship. Take a break, break up, go no contact. Work on you.
Author BanditK Posted May 30, 2013 Author Posted May 30, 2013 We are broken up and both agreed with want a fresh start. She just has a big move coming up and wants to "experience" life and go on a few dates to see if the magic is still there.
Chi townD Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Dude, she doesn't want to date you or get involved with you because she's going to move out to the west coast soon. So, she doesn't want to get emotionally attached to you again with this looming overhead.
Author BanditK Posted May 30, 2013 Author Posted May 30, 2013 Understood..... I just wished she would have said "no," as opposed to leading me on and saying "maybe God can bring us together again someday."
TaraMaiden Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Good grief... When did she say that?!? The moment people place reliance on God to do the work - walk. Fast. In the opposite direction. That is as much a complete abdication of personal responsibility as anything could be....
Author BanditK Posted May 30, 2013 Author Posted May 30, 2013 After we broke up, she became very religious.... And often says that she is just following God's plan and he will bring us back together if it is meant to be. That frustrates me because it's like ..... You either do or you don't..... You are half of the equation that has to make it work. She has been so vague and touch and go. That's why I have just had enough..... I'm slowly losing my love for her each day that she acts like this.
mtnbiker3000 Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 After we broke up, she became very religious.... And often says that she is just following God's plan and he will bring us back together if it is meant to be. That frustrates me because it's like ..... You either do or you don't..... You are half of the equation that has to make it work. She has been so vague and touch and go. That's why I have just had enough..... I'm slowly losing my love for her each day that she acts like this. Say 'bye bye...' 1
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