merewhipped Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 (edited) Hi all! Reading through all the threads has really helped me out, but I feel that I need to get this of my chest and hopefully get some closure by spilling it out. There are a lot of things that I'm not proud of, and some situations where I could have behaved in a more mature way, but I really, really feel that I didn't deserve what happened last week. I was in a 5 years relationship with a really sweet guy, but then I messed up and cheated on him with another guy. Turns out he was engaged, and the cheating went on long enough for his fiancee to find out. Our relationship during this whole period was ultra intense and focused on sex, we had it like never before even though both have had several relationships before. At some point, he declared that even though he was going to get married, he loved me. Well, everything was found out and we were both dumped, as we deserved. In that moment, he said he didn't want to have anything to do with me. I was pretty strung out by the situation by then, and severed contact for some time. After this time, he told me he missed me and wanted to get back with me. Slowly, we started developing a relationship that he requested to be exclusive at one point. I was happy with him and agreeded. -The good: We had endless talks, fun, sex, common interests, the whole lot. He treated me really good, and was caring. We saw each other everyday, sleeping one day at my place, at his the next, and we never tired of seeing each other. I was simply happy. -The bad: He felt terrible for what he had done to his ex, and wanted to keep me a secret from his family and with his friends. In few months, he finally started introducing me to his friends. I was happy to see this advances, everything went perfect for some time. I conforted him when he was down -which happened quite often as he has a set of mental problems, depression, anxiety, seeing a theraphist etc.- I feel that I gave more to him than to any other partner before. Recently he told me that our relationship was growing and that he saw more and more future. Then I went to a trip and when I got back he had sent me a superb mail telling me how important I was for him and how much he loved me and missed me. Sadly he had to go for a week, so that made almost a full month without seeing each other. When he got back, he was behaving weirdly. Acting distant. I went for the oldest trick in the world and checked his cell. Bingo, flirting with one girl he met while he was outside. Confronted him, and he claimed that he was confused, that he felt really great talking with somebody that he didn't have to lie (as opposed to our "normal" life, where he lied to his family daily about not being with me), that he wasn't used to connect with girls and when it happened he felt amazing, and that he still wanted to be with me, and that he was sorry. I asked him to cut contact with her, and went on to try and patch things up. This was the worst month possible, with me doing all the stuff we used to do and him being distant all the time. I kissed him on the lips, he kissed me on the forehead in return. I regret so much not having finished the relationship when I found out about the other girl. After this hell, he tells me he wants to end it. That it doesn't feel right, and that he is tired of lying to everybody. That I'm more involved in the relationship than him and that it's not fair. Claims that the other girl has nothing to do with it (although after breaking up they started catching up again). I just tell him that he has used me when he was down, and that the moment that he felt a bit strong again, tossed me on the side, and if he's done trying, then so be it. He asked for my friendship, I refused and told him that I wasn't going to be available to entertain him. He told me that I was wrong and I should change my mind. Now when I see him I want to throw stuff as his face. He is totally nonchalant, happy and all smiles when we cross. I'm a furious version of myself when I talk to him. I gave so, so much for him, and got dumped in a 180 turn in just three weeks. From "I love you and can't stand that you're not here" to "Nah, i just wont be ever able to make this relationship official, I'm just not feeling it anymore". It's been almost a week, and I'm stuck in a loop hating him while he smiles and feels relieved that he dumped me. I know I'll be back on my feet soon enough, and actually I'm doing a lot of stuff and being distracted going out with my friends, but just not able to put up a smile that says "suck it". Any advice? Edited May 31, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Personal information redacted
MrRightNow Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 He cheated on his ex with you, so you shouldn't have been surprised that he suddenly dropped you for this new girl. I doubt he genuinely loved you or his ex. Maybe he never considered you relationship material since you cheated on your ex, I know I wouldn't. I think you should take a break from dating for now. Move on and forget about this guy. Don't ever fall in love with someone who's capable of cheating.
Ajax Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Hi all! There are a lot of things that I'm not proud of, and some situations where I could have behaved in a more mature way, but I really, really feel that I didn't deserve what happened last week. Kind of self-righteous and hypocritical, don't you think? You cheated on an ex, but heaven forbid it happen to you! I don't mean to be cruel, but you're not likely to find a lot of sympathy here. I'm sure it hurts, but you're going to have to chalk it up as a learning experience and try to improve as an individual. It's difficult, if not impossible, to forge a healthy and trusting relationship with someone when its foundations are built on the betrayal of another.
Author merewhipped Posted May 30, 2013 Author Posted May 30, 2013 You're all right, just needed to read it from somebody else I guess. I should have seen it coming, but not so out-of-the-blue...
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