Jealousy

[Johan1965]

OP, this is more than jealousy; this is insecurity on your part, and there's a big difference, IMO. To me, jealousy occurs when you're observing something that is very real happening before you that elicits a fear of loss, such as your wife spending time with a male coworker and knowing that he's charming her socks off. There could be absolutely no romantic feelings whatsoever, but there are still real feelings of being emotionally threatened with a personal loss.

 

In your case, you're worried about something that is basically imagined. You're creating a monster that doesn't really exist except for in the past. The truth is, everyone has a past. You have a past. Tell me, why shouldn't she be jealous of your ex wife? Why should you be more jealous of her past than she should be of yours? See what I mean?

 

I'm not attacking you: we all have probably felt jealous, and we all have probably felt insecure. But know the difference, and do something about those insecurities. Otherwise, if you're not careful, they may result in very valid feelings of jealousy later on...if you know what I mean.

 

That's gotta be right, yup

[Johan1965]

Why would you try and ruin a happy M with something that can't be changed?

 

True. None of us can change the past, not a one.

[Johan1965]

Not really. I was in the military when I first met her and I went on remote tour for 24 months. It was while I was on your that I met my ex, who is a few years younger than me anyway. I blew it with my wife, not her!

 

But thanks for your input all the same. It's appreciated.

 

I concur with earlier posts though, since I know if I raised as issue all the Facebook buds would be gone, fer sure.

 

But to be clear, she said 4 not 8 and it wont be 20, 30 or 40 lol but I think even if it was I'm getting a handle on that now thanks to this site.

 

My / our big regret is no kids and now in late 30s.......

[Johan1965]

Duplicated post sorry

[Johan1965]

"To be clear" your wife lied to you about her sexual past. That means: She's a liar. What she lies about is her sexual history. And, she has no respect for you because she believes she can lie to you and get away with it with no consequences.

 

She said 8, then she said 4, she minimizes. Maybe when she said 8, it was really a multiple of 8. When she said 4, she had forgotten she said 8. The point is she lies about her "number" so you have no reason to think 8 is correct in the first place. Most likely it isn't.

 

Why would a woman lie about her sexual history? Because she believes you would perceive her as promiscuous and think less of her. Perhaps if you knew the real number you would have hesitated to marry her. She also lies because she's a liar. She lies about sex with other men. She lies to you. And she can't remember her previous lies (most liars have difficulty with consistency as well, not just your wife).

 

You're not really sure if you raised the facebook issue they would be gone either. You haven't raised it because you may be afraid she would accuse you of being "controlling."

 

Right?

 

No kids? You should be very happy about that, because when the ultimate break-up happens--and given your attitude appears inevitable--you are not strong enough for her--if she isn't already cheating on you or has in the past, she certainly will in the future--you have no child support to worry about.

 

Hey working on my attitude bud!

 

But, thanks all the same!