Helsinkisyndrome Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Are serious long term relationships in your early twenties recommended? As I stated in my other post, I'm applying to med schools around the country and have no idea where I might end up. This was one of the main reasons I broke up with my girl. A LDR in a professional school is hard to keep up. Moreover, there is the notion of being in your twenties with the same person..I had a pretty rocky relationship. So what's the point of sticking around when there are others out there? What's your philosophy? biggest fear is regret and resentment of not living out my twenties..Well as much as I can with the whole school thing
mammasita Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 I think YOUR reasoning is perfectly rational. Long term relationships in your 20's can either work or not. What you had was rocky to begin with, and I think you're smart for not wanting to take that burden with you to medical school.
inaya42 Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 i noticed that you've posted in "second chances." are you regretting your decision? it sounds rational, though matters of the heart do not need to be. you are right that there are others. the world is populated by wonderful, beautiful, intriguing complex people. and it is very likely that you will find a new partner when you are ready. the question is: would you prefer to be with your recently exed gilfriend, rocky relationship, LDR in professional school, and all other things considered?
Author Helsinkisyndrome Posted May 30, 2013 Author Posted May 30, 2013 i noticed that you've posted in "second chances." are you regretting your decision? it sounds rational, though matters of the heart do not need to be. you are right that there are others. the world is populated by wonderful, beautiful, intriguing complex people. and it is very likely that you will find a new partner when you are ready. the question is: would you prefer to be with your recently exed gilfriend, rocky relationship, LDR in professional school, and all other things considered? The question you asked in your last sentence is what I am pondering because even though I broke up because our relationship was rocky and I didn't want to waste any more time..I suddenly miss her immensely and it's making me second guess my decision, especially when she tells me she has changed. While id like to believe she has changed, we have only been broken up for 2 months and that isn't enough time to fix the problems in our relationship. But still, a large part of me wants to believe her and give her a second chance. On one hand, I can waste my time and deal with more frustration or it can turn out for the better and something good can work out
mbee Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 I understand how you feel. I'm 25 myself and ended a relationship I was unhappy with for similar reasons. I wanted to date other people, focus on school and be successful. Here's what happened for me at least. Yes, this was a great idea. I didn't get into any serious relationships but I dated, met new friends, focused on graduate school, and now have a career making lots of money, travel the world, had amazing experiences I wouldn't have had if I was in a relationship and am ultimately a more interesting and cool woman. So what happened with the ex. I re-read some emails just to make sure but when we ended it, I missed him, said I still loved him, said maybe it'll work out in the future. We tried to have a weird friendship, didn't work and created distance. He eventually changed and became a better person. I also met someone who is now my ex, but who I loved far more deeply than my ex. My ex is still interested in me. He even invited me to fly out to visit due to my recent heartbreak but he has a girlfriend and it seems a bit odd. Anyway it took him 2-3 years to noticeably change. In your early 20s, change happens over years. It's not worth waiting for and certainly not worth an LDR for. Even if you reconcile in the future you both might be in 2 different places in your life or just not interested. I'm not interested in my ex-ex. I am deeply in love with my current ex. My ex-ex has changed but I did too, and really don't see our lives working out. He also lives over 1000 miles from me. Let her go. There will be another chance if it's meant to be and if the interest is still there. Don't try to stay friends either. It will hurt her and she'll hold on to false hope for a very long time.
Author Helsinkisyndrome Posted May 31, 2013 Author Posted May 31, 2013 (edited) I understand how you feel. I'm 25 myself and ended a relationship I was unhappy with for similar reasons. I wanted to date other people, focus on school and be successful. Here's what happened for me at least. Yes, this was a great idea. I didn't get into any serious relationships but I dated, met new friends, focused on graduate school, and now have a career making lots of money, travel the world, had amazing experiences I wouldn't have had if I was in a relationship and am ultimately a more interesting and cool woman. So what happened with the ex. I re-read some emails just to make sure but when we ended it, I missed him, said I still loved him, said maybe it'll work out in the future. We tried to have a weird friendship, didn't work and created distance. He eventually changed and became a better person. I also met someone who is now my ex, but who I loved far more deeply than my ex. My ex is still interested in me. He even invited me to fly out to visit due to my recent heartbreak but he has a girlfriend and it seems a bit odd. Anyway it took him 2-3 years to noticeably change. In your early 20s, change happens over years. It's not worth waiting for and certainly not worth an LDR for. Even if you reconcile in the future you both might be in 2 different places in your life or just not interested. I'm not interested in my ex-ex. I am deeply in love with my current ex. My ex-ex has changed but I did too, and really don't see our lives working out. He also lives over 1000 miles from me. Let her go. There will be another chance if it's meant to be and if the interest is still there. Don't try to stay friends either. It will hurt her and she'll hold on to false hope for a very long time. Thanks for your story, I guess im second guessing myself because I'm alone again after 2.5 years. I really don't know where my life is taking me and the instability coupled with the fact that my relationship was rocky is what is keeping me from taking her back. I think your early twenties should be spent on focusing on yourself because you are creating the foundation of success for your later adult years. Life is going to take me to many interesting places and I'm going to meet many people along the way and I want to open myself up in meeting said people. While my now ex and I live on the same city, I know there is a huge probability I will be leaving and it isn't fair to her or to me to hold back true growth and development by sticking with this relationship. Plus, as mentioned before I know I couldn't keep up with a LDR in med school...and what happens if I fight while I'm in school? Huge distraction!! Edited May 31, 2013 by Helsinkisyndrome
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