kameron Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 So my question is do girls plot a breakup in advance. From what I have heard and seen by the time a girl breaks up with a guy she seems numb to the situation like she has already moved on. And the guy is left devastated. 1
metal_chick Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Really? What about all the girls left devestated when a guy breaks up with them? Do they plot the breakup in advance? How old are you, 15? 4
Author kameron Posted May 30, 2013 Author Posted May 30, 2013 Sorry didn't mean to be rude. I'm sure a lot of guys do this as well. I just wanted a girls perspective. 1
metal_chick Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Sorry didn't mean to be rude. I'm sure a lot of guys do this as well. I just wanted a girls perspective. The dumper, regardless of gender, plot the break up in advance. Your question does not have anything to do with gender. 4
aisuru Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 No, we don't plot them. However, sometimes we wake up one day and say to ourselves, "Why the hell am I in this relationship. I'm done." Then they breakup. Oh wait, I think men do that too. Sucks to be the dumpee. 6
Hockeyguy19 Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 So my question is do girls plot a breakup in advance. From what I have heard and seen by the time a girl breaks up with a guy she seems numb to the situation like she has already moved on. And the guy is left devastated. This isn't a gender thing, some (not all people) do this. I look at it like this, you usually don't quit your job unless you have another one lined up. It's a ****ty situation but it's reality for alot of us on here, I'm a victim of it myself. She was unhappy, found someone else through her friend and left me for him. Hurts like hell but guys do this too, not just woman 1
mahon451 Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Most people, whether male or female, have a really hard time communicating unhappiness within the context of a relationship in a constructive manner, if at all (blame it on our culture's general fear of confrontation and consequence). By the time the dumper has reached the "event horizon", they have indeed moved on, feeling that they have exhausted all options at repairing the relationship (even if they have put no real effort into doing so). If the dumpee was not adequately communicated to, or if they were just too obtuse to pay attention, they have the proverbial rug pulled out from under them. Where gender differences come in, I think, is post-relationship. Females (not all, but a lot of the ones I know) tend to prefer security, so they tend more toward rebounds/new relationships post-breakup. Most of the guys I know (at least the ones who are good with women), take full advantage of singlehood once the wounds heal (or if they're the dumper, right after the relationship is over). Everyone deals in different ways, though. 1
Coping Vortex Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 So my question is do girls plot a breakup in advance. From what I have heard and seen by the time a girl breaks up with a guy she seems numb to the situation like she has already moved on. And the guy is left devastated. Any gender can do this, that being said most dumpers already have another person in the wings. They could be cheating it could be platonic but the dumper wants to tie loose ends before taking the relationship to the next level. So many times the dumper says to the dumpee "there is no one else" but most of time when you scratch the surface there indeed is someone else. They just don't want to look bad or hurt you.
Chi townD Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Really doesn't matter with gender (to a point, I'll get to that in a minute). When the dumper has dumping you in their sites. They've already started to disengage themselves from the relationship. They already started to mourn the loss of the relationship WHILE they're still in a relationship with you. When they're strong enough to pull the trigger, then they do. They leave and the thing is, they are miles ahead of you in the healing process. That's why it seems like they don't care. They've already dumped you awhile ago while you're just starting the grieving process. That's why they have a hard time understanding why we don't want to be friends with them. They're not grieving as bad as we are at the moment. They may have decided they they are going to miss talking to you and would be open to having friendly conversations while we're still hurt beyond belief! While gender really doesn't matter, girls tend not to leave until they have everything they need to move on. Either they have another guy waiting in the wings, or they have a support network set up and waiting. The dumpee is usually the LAST person to know that they're being dumped. Her girlfriends already knew this was coming down the pipe. Once they learn that their girlfriend finally dumped the guy, they circle the wagons and give support to their friend. Guys usually don't have that, because we don't go into emotional discussions with our friends too much. That why you tend to see a lot more guys posting here than you do girls. Because we don't have that kind of a support network set up. So, that's what I meant when I said, to a point. 10
Coping Vortex Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Most folks are well aware they are unhappy for sometime before they break up. The decent folk will TELL you: "I'm unhappy and need ____ to change or I will leave". The issue normally is the offender will promise change but doesn't deliver and so eventually the break up occurs. Another big part of the population will just find others on the side and live double lives, as the infidelity section attests to. I agree. I wish my ex gave me the final talk of "if you don't move in with me I'm gone...." except she chose to BU without the final warning. A lot women don't want to have to tell the guy that this is it or I'm leaving they want the guy to already know what she is thinking. This is the issue between the sexes. The man wants the women to be explicit, and the woman wants the man to anticipate the issue. 4
mahon451 Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 I agree. I wish my ex gave me the final talk of "if you don't move in with me I'm gone...." except she chose to BU without the final warning. A lot women don't want to have to tell the guy that this is it or I'm leaving they want the guy to already know what she is thinking. This is the issue between the sexes. The man wants the women to be explicit, and the woman wants the man to anticipate the issue. Yes. My God, you win a gold star. The f**ked part? Both men and women know this of each other, and yet this is what breaks up pretty much every relationship that isn't ended by infidelity or abuse. 3
CelticGibson Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Unless she/he is batsh*t crazy, both sexes, when their interest wanes, will start to second guess the relationship because of situations and arguments that lead them to question their compatibility with you and suddenly their field of view as to what it's like to be single again starts to permeate their thoughts. As this progresses, they will start to devalue and mourn what they have and have lost, usually seen in bouts of dissatisfaction and impatience and questioning where there was once none. Eventually their caring about the relationship reaches a stage where they feel they can leave it. There may or may not be a trigger, like someone new in the wings. You, of course will not see it coming because it's all done behind the scenes. Once you do find out, they will have processed to a point that they can leave it while you think it's so sudden. This is how I perceive it happening... 1
Recommended Posts