Author kameron Posted May 30, 2013 Author Share Posted May 30, 2013 I guess I'm having mixed feelings. A part of me wants her back no matter how bad she hurt me. I'm willing to look past all that. Then another part of is saying just move on. Link to post Share on other sites
bluegreen Posted May 30, 2013 Share Posted May 30, 2013 I wonder how does this work in case they still actually love you and told you that but issues where to many for relationship to work. Does being offered friendship by them means nothing will ever happen again am really intrigued by this NC thing phenomena. Link to post Share on other sites
CelticGibson Posted May 30, 2013 Share Posted May 30, 2013 If they offer friendship then it's definitely over. This phenomenon is known as the FriendZone. You should never accept this if your heart is still involved. As for No Contact. It's only legitimate use is to get YOU over the break up and to lose the feelings you have for the dumper. The only way this can be accomplished is to have ZERO contact so you can heal. If, as a consequence, they do return to try again, you should be in a better place to deal with it and to assess whether it's worth rekindling or not. A time apart tends to remove the rose coloured glasses and allows you to really look at the facts that caused the break up without the emotional cloud that would remain had you stayed in contact. It's really a win-win situation because they may come back looking to try again or they may not and you get to move on to better options without being emotionally tied to them.... That's the purpose of No Contact and why it's so vital when you are at your weakest emotionally... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
metal_chick Posted May 30, 2013 Share Posted May 30, 2013 I wonder how does this work in case they still actually love you and told you that but issues where to many for relationship to work. Does being offered friendship by them means nothing will ever happen again am really intrigued by this NC thing phenomena. Yeah, if they offer you 'friends' and you hang around, you'll only torture yourself, and they'll get all the benefits of having you in their life, without the guilt of breaking up with you. You're also in a prime position for 'ex-sex'. Which will only lower your ex's respect for you. As I said before, No Contact shows through both actions and words, more than you could ever possibly communicate to an by ex actually speaking to them. It says "I am not good enough for you. I deserve more, than you. I'm going to go and find it. Good luck with your life." Ah, and that old chestnut "I love you, but there are too many issues here" - let me translate for you: Your ex does not love you ENOUGH to work on them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
emmalynro Posted May 30, 2013 Share Posted May 30, 2013 As everyone has said, No Contact isn't about them, it's about YOU. This is for your well-being, your happiness, your health. After spending so long thinking of yourself as part of a couple, you need to focus on yourself. It's okay to be selfish right now! It's good! I had every intention of keeping NC with my most recent ex until he began badgering my best friend about my health (I was having problems in the month leading up to our breakup). NC didn't really work for us because we were coworkers at the time, although it became much easier after he left. I was moving on and doing OK-ish until I was diagnosed with a complex tumor. I ended up calling him and telling him about it, because, ****, I spent most of that weekend drunk and crying and calling everyone, so who cares? We've actually begun talking again. He has admitted he's not ready to see me because the feelings are still too strong and he's struggling with low self-esteem, but he wants to keep talking until we're both ready. So we're keeping things light and sporadic for now. Why is he talking to me? Is it because I went NC? Is it because I broke NC? No! The fact is there's simply nothing you can do to "make" someone have feelings for you. If there are feelings, there are going to be feelings no matter what you do. The only person whose love you can guarantee is YOURS. So hug yourself extra-tight when you go to bed at night and remind yourself how wonderful and worthy of love you are. Or I guess you could get a tumor. Link to post Share on other sites
intherealworld Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 As I said before, No Contact shows through both actions and words, more than you could ever possibly communicate to an by ex actually speaking to them. It says "I am not good enough for you. I deserve more, than you. I'm going to go and find it. Good luck with your life." Ah, and that old chestnut "I love you, but there are too many issues here" - let me translate for you: Your ex does not love you ENOUGH to work on them. Wow this really rang true for me right now...maybe my ex cared, but he didnt care enough to work on our issues. Although I do think our situation was unique...he was diagnosed w a semi serious illness 3 months into our relationship...i posted about it a few hrs ago here( not trying to advertise). I have been fighting myself on whether to hold out on NC or not but really, if they cared enough about you they wouldn't let you go in the first place. And if they really wanted you back, seems like they'd try even if you said you didn't want to talk to them. Sigh. Harsh reality is harsh Link to post Share on other sites
metal_chick Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 Wow this really rang true for me right now...maybe my ex cared, but he didnt care enough to work on our issues. Although I do think our situation was unique...he was diagnosed w a semi serious illness 3 months into our relationship...i posted about it a few hrs ago here( not trying to advertise). I have been fighting myself on whether to hold out on NC or not but really, if they cared enough about you they wouldn't let you go in the first place. And if they really wanted you back, seems like they'd try even if you said you didn't want to talk to them. Sigh. Harsh reality is harsh No situation is truly unique. A friend of mine met a girl 3 weeks before he was in a serious car accident that necessitated the amputation of his leg. They're married with kids now. Obstacles don't get in the way, people do. They'll find a way to extricate themselves from whatever hole they're in to be with you. They always find a way. If they don't, then the relationship is not enough. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SuperGeek Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 My ex came back nearly two years later after full NC. I rejected her though. NC very rarely makes an ex miss you,ive read many stories and articles and ive never seen 1 where NC has brought an ex back and they lived happily ever after. NC is the hardest but best tool to use to move on with your life and that's what it is actually meant for,to move on. Stop holding onto cliché's like "ex's come back when you have moved on" cos that will only hold you back. Im 1 year post break-up,im over her, its been NC all the way and my ex has never reached out to me, so doesn't that tell you something?. Your best option is to stick to NC and get over your ex, if she does come back after you have moved on then you will be in a better place mentally and emotionally to deal with it and make the right decisions, just don't use that as hope that she will come back because the chances are, she wont. As I said, my ex never came back to me and I was a great BF, treat her like a queen, never cheated etc so being a great BF doesn't mean they will come back. Link to post Share on other sites
headsashed Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 My ex came back nearly two years later after full NC. I rejected her though. I suppose every case is different, but you proved a point there, you rejected her because you were emotionally and mentally in a better place to make better decisions. Well done on that Link to post Share on other sites
L1ght Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 I think NC hurts the most when too many questions are left unanswered, when you don't understand how your ex was really feeling at that time and what drove them to give up, when you're left asking yourself when they stopped believing in you and why they never gave you a chance to prove that you could have and would have genuinely done anything to make it work, when you are wondering if they are feeling as lonely and empty as they were the day you met them before you helped to take the pain away, if they remember all the good you did for them and if they truly feel grateful or if in their minds the bad times outweighed the good.....and if they will ever forgive you for saying all the mean and negative things to them once they decided to shut you out. Some people say NC is the best thing to help deliver the message that its over but I think it depends how much was at stake and how much you really cared about someone....Now I just feel bitterness for being unappreciated and its not the way I wanted it to be cos I don't wanna hate my ex but I'm getting closer to that point everyday that goes by with NC. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CelticGibson Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 "helped to take the pain away"... You shouldn't have to do that. If you did, then there are deeper seated issues within her that had nothing to do with you and there will probably always be there after you are gone. Take it for what it is, they gave up because we were not worth the fight. We were not enough, it's as simple as that. Going No Contact is our last weapon in our arsenal to protect ourselves. We do it because we value ourselves and our well being. It's important to find balance after the devastation of break ups. Link to post Share on other sites
L1ght Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 "helped to take the pain away"... You shouldn't have to do that. If you did, then there are deeper seated issues within her that had nothing to do with you and there will probably always be there after you are gone. Take it for what it is, they gave up because we were not worth the fight. We were not enough, it's as simple as that. Going No Contact is our last weapon in our arsenal to protect ourselves. We do it because we value ourselves and our well being. It's important to find balance after the devastation of break ups. Damn right she has deeper issues that I was slowly but surely edging closer to finding all the answers to. She has a million issues in life that stop her from being happy with who she is but that's what love and acceptance is truly all about....learning who a person really is and accepting the faults they have regardless of how much they beat themselves up from time to time. We were on the right path and I really can't believe she gave up on it but you're right...she left because of her own inadequacies and it scared the hell out of her to have someone who knew her as well as she knew herself. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 Why do they always say the moment you finally move on is the moment your ex will come back into your life. Who's 'They'....? Mills & Boon? Barbara Cartland? Front Porch Romance? Because they deal in fantasy and not reality. Because 'They' are the people who feed your dreams schytt and tell you it's caviar. How about some other clichés? If you love them, let them go. 'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all You can never cut the cloth again, along the same cut. Chew on those. now THAT'S Caviar. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
metal_chick Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 "If you love them, let them go." Man oh man, that is one you don't truly learn the meaning of until you actually do it... Ow, my heart... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bluegreen Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 Or You see that they started adding random cuties on FB just few weeks after break up immature or cruel or indifferent to how would it hurt you. Deleting them would make you wonder worry and think of them even more at least it did me its like damned if you do damned if you don't case. Link to post Share on other sites
metal_chick Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 Or You see that they started adding random cuties on FB just few weeks after break up immature or cruel or indifferent to how would it hurt you. Deleting them would make you wonder worry and think of them even more at least it did me its like damned if you do damned if you don't case. Thinking about them more after deleting them does pass, though. If you don't nurture it, it dies a natural death. You just have to give it time. Link to post Share on other sites
bluegreen Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 I suppose you are right but time goes so slow tough it crawls Link to post Share on other sites
BustedUpInside Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 I suppose you are right but time goes so slow tough it crawls It is so true. Back at the beginning stages of my breakup some days I would just count the hours until it wasn't "weird" for me to go to bed. It definitely gets better, but I can totally relate to time feeling endless. Link to post Share on other sites
bluegreen Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 Exactly 2 weeks have been like two years and two months seem so far away six like it would never come. Busy by day but nights are so long even summer and longer days make it all the more miserable. God how will we come to a year stay strong not react to provocations or breadcrumbs I feel so weary like I carry hundred pounds extra on me ... Link to post Share on other sites
Author kameron Posted June 1, 2013 Author Share Posted June 1, 2013 How is everyone doing. It's day 3 for me no contact and I feel like crap. Link to post Share on other sites
bluegreen Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 Don't ask its been two weeks since I said absolute NO to a lets be friends and it hurts like a b..... sometimes for half a day or night is OK and then it hits me. I guess i have my self respect and pride but what a cold lonely company they are Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 Exactly 2 weeks have been like two years and two months seem so far away six like it would never come. Busy by day but nights are so long even summer and longer days make it all the more miserable. God how will we come to a year stay strong not react to provocations or breadcrumbs I feel so weary like I carry hundred pounds extra on me ... Time return to normal after a while. Then it just starts to fly by and the BU becomes a thing of the distant past. Soon 6 month will have gone by. You will have processed a million different emotions and will be coming out the other side of the dark hole your in now. It does get a ton better. Just stay NC at all costs..dont crack no matter what your brain tells you. Kill all hope of ever getting back together. And i promise you you will come out of this ok, healed, stronger, improved, and even possibly grateful that your relationship ended. Rock on! Cav 2 Link to post Share on other sites
metal_chick Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 (edited) How is everyone doing. It's day 3 for me no contact and I feel like crap. Perfectly normal. You can expect the next week or so to be quite rocky. Give it time. NC only works if you don't compromise. So many people break NC and then they whine (loudly) that it doesn't work. Absolutely do not break, under any circumstances... Edited June 1, 2013 by metal_chick 4 Link to post Share on other sites
bluegreen Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 From your mouth to God's ears all I feel like now is bawling my eyes out. I almost did contacted him about something and then decided not to pride stopped me. And good that that I did not cause he seems to start adding new contacts to his social page he sure does not waste time does he. I can't even stomach the idea of chatting up and flirting with new people it made me that he does not have same issue or is trying to shoot me one bellow the belt hit. Link to post Share on other sites
metal_chick Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 From your mouth to God's ears all I feel like now is bawling my eyes out. I almost did contacted him about something and then decided not to pride stopped me. And good that that I did not cause he seems to start adding new contacts to his social page he sure does not waste time does he. I can't even stomach the idea of chatting up and flirting with new people it made me that he does not have same issue or is trying to shoot me one bellow the belt hit. Don't try to do too much at once. Don't worry too much about dating, just be kind to yourself for now, and then when you're ready for dating, then approach it. Link to post Share on other sites
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