who_am_i Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 In the past 3+ months since I last spoke to xMM I have replayed those final conversations in my head so many times. What could I have done differently or said differently to have made the end result less painful? I come to a different conclusion each time but none much better then the one before...always ending with regret. But, not today! Today I rehashed those words over again in my head like I have done a million times, but this time it was different. I used to regret the way I acted and the things I said and did out of desperation. For some reason today I focused on his words and realized that his words were just as hurtful. I have been spending so much time worrying what he was left with to think of me that I never saw how purposefully hurtful his words were. I trusted him with my deepest fears, darkest secrets, he knew things that I never thought would pass my lips, all while he held me tight and told me that everything would be ok. Yet he went ahead and abused that trust, took it for granted and played games with my heart to feed his ego. Yes! I made a bad choice, but after all he knew he still choose to tell me "I'm done with you", like trash. There should no longer be a reason why I want to believe that there was anything special about that! "I'm done with you" pretty much says it all...I've used you and you are no longer of any good to me. You're garbage. It's a shame that I spent so much time worrying what he thinks. What he thinks about me shouldn't matter...and after today I'm going to do my best not to let it. He is no better then me. They say that it rarely ends well... So tell me, what was it like? Was there an argument or d-day that lead you to NC that either one of you wasn't ready to accept? Did either of you say things that you wish you hadn't...or didn't that you wish you had? Regrets? Eventual ah_ha moments? 1
Goodbye Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Try not to keep replaying all that cr*p in your head. It doesn't change the end. And, it is the end with which you must cope. I do have regrets. I wish I had not threatened to tell his wife. I was furious and said some pretty psycho things. I did send him an email a few weeks ago trying to smooth things over, but nothing changes. I guess when it is truly over, does it really matter how it ended? 1
CrimsonEyed Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Well I'm currently going through this as well. I held on tight out of desperation that I wasnt ever going to find another man like this. Even after he told me he cant do this anymore to his wife, I used the 'let's still be friends!' then terrible words. Our official end I guess kind of happened two days ago..where he said ok no more even online friends. I did snap, I was angry, said threats and stuff i shouldnt have, then apologized and he knows id never say anything. Then I followed it by saying how stupid i was for even starting to fall for him. I told him I'm really hurt, devastated.... I was not in the best shape yesterday, cried a lot. Keep in mind throughout this whole thing he always told me he would never allow himself to love anyone but his wife. Which I was ok with....foolishly knowing he was 100% using me,....and I still fell for him. Much like you I told this man things I wouldnt tell ANYONE, i opened up way to much to a man who looking back, could of probably have cared less. Right now I'm angry because I became so attached to an *********, I'm grieving over and *********....i feel so stupid. but for some reason I still grieve. He didn't even meet me half way on things, it was always me going after him...and yes, I'm married as well. It was like I saw something deep inside him. It's stupid I know.... But the more I talk aboutt it the more i realize I wonder if I'm only devastated because ive never in ny life been 'broken up with' I was always the heart breaker...so perhaps I'm only so hurt because its like how dare someone reject me!!! Weird right? I don't even know right now but it is I ever saw in him...yet,.im still upset. Uggghh I'm obviously crazy 2
RickFox Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Had a d day, swore I'd protect her best I could. She said, don't worry, we'll still see each other and then she turned on me, magically reconnected with her H, told me to never contact her again, said she wasn't being "bitchy, just firm" So I left her alone, and I was a mess and later we spoke and she was cold to me and then we texted a few times, she said her head was "spinning" and then she turned on me again. The words I use to fuel me are these "why can't you get over it and move on." If I feel like I miss her at all, if I feel anything about my A, I remember those words and I remember she isn't worth missing, that someone who supposedly loves another doesn't turn like that, doesn't act like that and so I go and I move forward. And as I've mentioned before, after all that, I got a "hey" and a "Hi" from xMW via FB at the end of the school year in 2012.... and I've posted how that went. Gotten over it, movin' on! 2
bellasue Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Had a d day, swore I'd protect her best I could. She said, don't worry, we'll still see each other and then she turned on me, magically reconnected with her H, told me to never contact her again, said she wasn't being "bitchy, just firm" So I left her alone, and I was a mess and later we spoke and she was cold to me and then we texted a few times, she said her head was "spinning" and then she turned on me again. The words I use to fuel me are these "why can't you get over it and move on." If I feel like I miss her at all, if I feel anything about my A, I remember those words and I remember she isn't worth missing, that someone who supposedly loves another doesn't turn like that, doesn't act like that and so I go and I move forward. And as I've mentioned before, after all that, I got a "hey" and a "Hi" from xMW via FB at the end of the school year in 2012.... and I've posted how that went. Gotten over it, movin' on! Yeah, this is what I got too. I haven't heard from him at all since the day we stood on a pier and he told me I should hate him, that I shouldn't have asked for more than he could give, etc. His wife called while we were talking and told him "she needs to leave." When he told me that, I laughed. Said we were in a public place and I'd stay if I wanted to. She yelled at him for a while--he looked so pathetic.....then he hung up and said, "well.....I'll go then." Haha. I am still shocked by the cold way in which he treated me that day. So different than the friend and lover I had TWO days earlier. I don't know how people can turn, like you said into someone so unfeeling. But you're right......when I need to get angry I think of all of that stuff he said to me that day. And think.......he doesn't DESERVE to have me in his life!!!!!!!!! 2
kellyca Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 I feel like you could have been reading my mind! After two months of my AP ignoring me - despite the fact he knew I had been in the hospital and my marriage was ending in divorce - I finally had a text conversation with him on Monday. He told me he had "rededicated himself to Christ and his family and has spent the last two months enveloped in that". I am the one that "fails to recognize and honor his perspective". I am so hurt and mad and rejected. Urgh. 1
Goodbye Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 I feel like you could have been reading my mind! After two months of my AP ignoring me - despite the fact he knew I had been in the hospital and my marriage was ending in divorce - I finally had a text conversation with him on Monday. He told me he had "rededicated himself to Christ and his family and has spent the last two months enveloped in that". I am the one that "fails to recognize and honor his perspective". I am so hurt and mad and rejected. Urgh. Wow. I don't know how you contained yourself. That would have sent me into bunny boiler mode...I would have had Mr. Holy Roller's wife on the horn. Not cool.
lilmisscantbewrong Posted June 5, 2013 Posted June 5, 2013 Same thing pretty much happened to me. promised he'd be there to walk through it with me and he wouldn't let me face it alone. Yep - did a 180. When D-Day hits all bets are off. Quote: Originally Posted by RickFox Had a d day, swore I'd protect her best I could. She said, don't worry, we'll still see each other and then she turned on me, magically reconnected with her H, told me to never contact her again, said she wasn't being "bitchy, just firm" So I left her alone, and I was a mess and later we spoke and she was cold to me and then we texted a few times, she said her head was "spinning" and then she turned on me again. The words I use to fuel me are these "why can't you get over it and move on." If I feel like I miss her at all, if I feel anything about my A, I remember those words and I remember she isn't worth missing, that someone who supposedly loves another doesn't turn like that, doesn't act like that and so I go and I move forward. And as I've mentioned before, after all that, I got a "hey" and a "Hi" from xMW via FB at the end of the school year in 2012.... and I've posted how that went. Gotten over it, movin' on! Yeah, this is what I got too. I haven't heard from him at all since the day we stood on a pier and he told me I should hate him, that I shouldn't have asked for more than he could give, etc. His wife called while we were talking and told him "she needs to leave." When he told me that, I laughed. Said we were in a public place and I'd stay if I wanted to. She yelled at him for a while--he looked so pathetic.....then he hung up and said, "well.....I'll go then." Haha. I am still shocked by the cold way in which he treated me that day. So different than the friend and lover I had TWO days earlier. I don't know how people can turn, like you said into someone so unfeeling. But you're right......when I need to get angry I think of all of that stuff he said to me that day. And think.......he doesn't DESERVE to have me in his life!!!!!!!!!
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