JadedRomantic Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Quick background: I'm 28, he's 25. We had a really great, loving relationship. We talked marriage and a future and even kids (all initiated by him altho I gladly participated when he did). We were truly down for each other and in it for the 'long haul'. Suddenly, he displayed to-the-tee GIGS symptoms and vanished. He did the whole, wait for me, I still love you, it's me not you, I'll be back ... but I went NC and it's been about a month and half of NC. Then suddenly he's been texting me and calling me but acting like everything is normal. Not romantic or lovey-dovey, but like he didn't just break my heart and leave me feeling abandoned and confused. I kept my replies nice but short and a little non-chalant. He wants to come by in about a week to drop the dog off (we share a pittie!) and I'm not sure what to do. I'm not angry at him, but I'm still very much in love and going through the stages of BU. I know not to bed or plead or question (i'm not the type to beg someone back who doesn't want to be back on their own accord anyway), but ... should I just let him steer the conversation and not bring up the BU or wtf happened to 'us' at all unless he does? Why is he calling me and texting me like things are 'normal' and there's not this huge pink BU elephant in the room? Please, any input would be appreciated.
aisuru Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Why is he calling me and texting me like things are 'normal' and there's not this huge pink BU elephant in the room? Because you're allowing him to. 1
Author JadedRomantic Posted May 30, 2013 Author Posted May 30, 2013 Because you're allowing him to. please elaborate. =) I mean, I don't want to be a b**ch to him and act angry (cuz i'm not), but I also don't want to throw a bunch of questions and relationship/ BU talk his way either cuz I don't think that would be very well received and paint me in an unflattering light as well. I don't like this 'allowing him' to do anything so what would you suggest?
aisuru Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 You broke contact by responding to his calls/texts. Perhaps he's using the dog as a way to get you to break contact. There's some lady around here that says not to accept any contact unless it's "OMG, I made a mistake, I want to be with you, etc." I'm not quite to that degree and agree a resetting of emotions/feelings can help. But that doesn't happen in a month and a half. That's why you're sitting here wondering. It's too soon. So he's enjoying some degree of interaction with you, for whatever motive. And you're wondering if he misses you the way you miss him. So, you either ask him where his head is, you don't mention anything and play in the friend zone, or you put him back on the no contact list. You have to decide. Only you know the best, aka healthiest, answer for you. Can you handle round two of rejection?
Compromize Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Can you handle round two of rejection? What about round 3? Or 4? Or 5? I think I am now on 6 and I allowed myself to sleep with her!! And the next morning she told me she had lied about not sleeping with someone else!! I used to be all for second (or third) chances but I am feeling stretched so thin and broken. The rejection sucks. Do yourself a favor and hold no hope whatsoever. 2
Author JadedRomantic Posted May 30, 2013 Author Posted May 30, 2013 I mean ... I'm pretty much putting it back on NC. I'm not calling him or texting him and when he does text or call, my replies are nice but short and noncommittal. I know that at 1.5 months, it's too soon for him to 'change' or 'discover' himself. I'm just wondering why the calls and texts and while I do not want to jump into a reconciliation now even if he was to offer one, I do still want to keep the doors open as well ... ugh. emotions. WHY?! do we have them?
Author JadedRomantic Posted May 30, 2013 Author Posted May 30, 2013 What about round 3? Or 4? Or 5? I think I am now on 6 and I allowed myself to sleep with her!! And the next morning she told me she had lied about not sleeping with someone else!! I used to be all for second (or third) chances but I am feeling stretched so thin and broken. The rejection sucks. Do yourself a favor and hold no hope whatsoever. I'm sorry you feel so stretched and broken. =( sucks, i know. But i'm definitely not even entertaining the idea of sexual encounters unless it's a full blown, exclusive, commited relationship again. and that's who knows how long down the road (if at all). In my gut, I don't feel like it's over between us yet but ...
confused00 Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 Please read my thread i posted and trust everyone on here to go no contact until he wants you back it will be hard. I struggled for a long time to not talk to my ex but let him do his thing and do yours. In the beginning it is so tough to think how can I just stop talking to this person but you have to, the fact that he doesn't know is just the reason to do so. If you stay in contact it delays your healing and it makes a wound much deeper and allows him to get comfortable with being single and in his mind he will think hes living without you but he's not.
confused00 Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 Don't make it easier for him, Your hurting let him feel that void as well.
mbee Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 Your situation sounds very similar to mine. Even the ages fit. Here's what I learned from the past 6 weeks since my ex and I broke up. Never ever respond back. He KNOWS you are hurting and knows you love him and that he made the choice to leave you. I'm in the same boat and got caught up in it. My ex kept sending me the loveliest texts, emails, Facebook messages and would call me and manipulate the conversation for me to tell me I loved him. He would suddenly get serious and respond with, "Let me tell you something I never told anyone else..." You know where that's going. Some corny declaration about how he never forgot about us, still loves me, etc. Yet, there is no commitment and no effort for him to change. You staying in the friend zone only will hurt you. I think you can be friends in the future, but not immediately after a BU. I would also let go of the dog for now. My ex and I both have 2 dogs and I can't even imagine seeing him again. It would likely end with sex or some other crazy confusion. Not worth it since at the end of the day, he still feels how he feels and you'll be just as broken hearted. So for now we both keep one of the dogs and just leave it be. It's tough but seriously stay NC. You aren't ready to be cool with him just yet. Do not even see the dog. Keep it strict NC because you responding to his texts, only makes him KNOW you care. And the dumpers KNOW this. For instance I finally went strict NC with me ex less than a week ago. He started with the lovey dovey messages. Now it's evolving to messages that are a bit weird and silly. For instance the last email he sent me was, "I got two missed calls from a private number. Is that you?" Then he sent a mass email to me and a couple of other folks that was weird. "I have to drag myself to my laptop before I can respond." It seemed like a clear attempt to get me to talk to him. Do not fall into these traps. Your ex needs to realize you are hurting and he's lost you. You can be friends someday in the future but not 1.5 months afterward and unless it's an emergency or something you NEED to respond to, just ignore the texts. 1
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