Tk123 Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Hey all. Here is my long story. Hope some of you have the patience to bare with me. So let me start by saying I too play this game but not as much as she does. The game is called "World of Warcraft". It is an extremely popular game, and there are literally thousands of people to interact with. Although I hate to admit it, me and her met on this game.. About 1 year ago. We talked to each other on a friendly basis for a good 4-5 months. From there, we started to get serious about one another. Video chatted often, exchanged phone numbers, texted on a daily basis, and really started turning into more than just friends. We both quit the game for a short period of time after we had each other. Things were great. She would come home from work and we would talk to each other for hours all night about things other than WoW (World of Warcraft). I like to refer these days as the "honeymoon days" things were great, and they hold some of the greatest memories between us in my head. As the months passed, our relationship had its ups and downs. After a couple of months of quitting the game, she broke the news to me that she was going to renew her gametime and start playing again. I was sort of bummed out by this because I felt like this was a step backward towards our relationship. She now had access to a game again that is primarily male dominant whom she can interact with. I tried not to seem disappointed about it, to avoid an argument. However, deep down I was extremely depressed. After about two weeks of her playing and talking about the game, I decided to join her again just so we could spend more time together. Things seemed to be back to normal for a couple more months and we would Skype chat everyday we would play the game with one another. Times are changing now however. She just found out recently that she is being laid off from work in a couple of weeks, and I am working two jobs now to pay for my college education in the Fall. She will soon have a LOT of spare time to play this game. She even joined another group of people (known as a guild in the game, I could elaborate if I need to) since I cannot play as much as her. Ever since then, she spends an ACCESSIBLE amount of time with these other guys. Talking to them on Skype, typing and laughing and giggling with them, and overall having a fun time. I have logged in to spy on what she is doing, and every time I check, she seems to be in a call doing things together in the game as a group with these four guys. I know they're on Skype while they do this and it worries me. It has come to the point, where she literally gets home from work and starts playing the game till about 11-12 at night and then finally has the nerve to have a conversation with me that will last anywhere from 25 minutes-2 hours depending on if one of us gets tired. During those 6-7 hours in-between I'm lucky to get 5-6 three/four word text responses. She claims it's hard to play the game and text at the same time,because she is busy in-game. I've confronted her about this whole thing; MULTIPLE times. I told her straight up that I feel like she is falling out of love with me. She swears she is not though and that she still loves me dearly. I know I offer something those guys cannot offer her, and that is an emotional understanding for everything that has come up in her life over the months. She has depression issues, and I'm the only one she feels she can talk to about them. On the game she plays, she hides. Trying to pretend she is happy. Laughing and giggling at every cheap joke those guys shoot at her. I'm at a point where I don't know what I'm supposed to do. We made plans to meet in a couple weeks (that she is still hesitant about mind you), and I am still concerned about this. I'm scared a week from now she is going to stand me up after I buy my ticket to see her and say that she'll tell me she wants to be alone. Even worse, I'm scared she is going to leave me for one of those guys that she talks to online every day after work. There are about 3-4 of them and they make a group call when they are together. I would try and stop these guys from taking over, but I know all it is going to turn into is a vocal fight and I know I'll get pissed just from the sounds of their voice. I've never personally met any of them, and really couldn't give two fks who they are other than they are screwing around with my partner. I need help desperately. I don't know what to do and how to do it. I really want to try and tell myself everything is going to be alright, but with every day passing by that she talks to these kids, the more and more I feel like she is becoming more "attached" to them to say the least. I am assuming these guys are in their late teens/early twenties which is just about how old me and her are (we are both 20). What do I do? It is almost going to be 7 months now as a couple and I'm scared the end is on its way. Am I overreacting about this whole thing or do I have a valid reason to be concerned about this? I would greatly appreciate ANY help I can get. I am such a trainwreck from this whole thing.
Keenly Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 You are being ridiculously insecure right now . Really , you are scared she is gonna leave you for a guy on wow because you met her there? Come on man. Also, you seem to be really bothered by her desire to play it. That makes YOU the one with the problem, not her. You stopped playing and then also wanted her to stop , and when she decided to start again, it bothered you . You can't control what she does with her time , and I think you need to get more.confident in yourself so something so small doesn't bother you so much .
metal_chick Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Ok, so once you're at the point of spying on your partner's behaviour, it's getting pretty serious. You clearly don't trust her and are getting resentful. When people meet on these online boards or games, it's unreasonable to expect them to completely give it up. If I met a guy at a concert, I would still go to concerts after we hooked up. If he couldn't go, I'd go without him. I believe in a balance in a couple's life, and if she enjoys the game, she should still be able to play it, with or without you. However, if she is playing it for hours and hours a day and not looking for a job, or not pursuing further study to improve her employment prospects, then yes, it absolutely is causing a problem. But she hasn't finished work yet, so just because she's got a lot of time to play the game, does not mean that she will. How much time do you spend together in person? I get the feeling, not a lot...
Keenly Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 As to how much time she spends on it, she is clearly bored. Do something with her, keep her occupied. Ration your time.with her so she can have her thing and you can have your a. If she refuses to make time for you, then you need to look elsewhere for a girlfriend .
Author Tk123 Posted May 30, 2013 Author Posted May 30, 2013 I don't care that she plays the game, I want her to enjoy herself and her downtime. Is it normal though that for the past week she speaks with them everyday more than myself? Is that fair to me? Should I confront her again? I strongly believe I can trust her, it's just I don't hear from her much ever since this all started which makes me skeptical.
Author Tk123 Posted May 30, 2013 Author Posted May 30, 2013 Have you two ever met in person? Sorry for not clarifying. We have not met yet, our first meeting is in a couple of weeks. Along the road we've video chatted countless amounts of times. I know who I'm talking to is indeed who they say they are if that's what you're trying to ask me. Two weekends from now is our planned meeting. I was thinking of buying the ticket this weekend.
metal_chick Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Sorry for not clarifying. We have not met yet, our first meeting is in a couple of weeks. Along the road we've video chatted countless amounts of times. I know who I'm talking to is indeed who they say they are if that's what you're trying to ask me. Two weekends from now is our planned meeting. I was thinking of buying the ticket this weekend. Oh, wow. Yeah, I consider online relationships where the people haven't met, to not be exclusive. She's under no obligation to not play the game or talk to other people, or even date other people, as far as I'm concerned, until you've met and have had a proper disussion about where the relationship is going, and what the plan is. Is someone moving closer to the other? Will you live together? Etc. 1
Author Tk123 Posted May 30, 2013 Author Posted May 30, 2013 Oh, wow. Yeah, I consider online relationships wherethe people haven't met, to not be exclusive. She's under no obligation to not play the game or talk to other people, or even date other people, as far as I'm concerned, until you've met and have had a proper disussion about where the relationship is going, and what the plan is. Is someone moving closer to the other? Will you live together? Etc. Everyone seems to be under the impression that I'm trying to get her to not play the game. I want her to be happy and have fun. Yes the goal would be to live together once I've finished my last 3 years of college education. Until the. I cannot make that step. Hopefully meetings after this one in progress though will become more often. As in meeting every month if money allows it.
aisuru Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Yeah... welcome to the world of online relationships. Easy come, easy go. Unfortunately, you invested your feelings for SEVEN months. It's created a false reality. You don't even know if you're physically attracted and have in person chemistry!! Look, I met my ex ex ex that I was with for almost 6 years online before it was socially acceptable. I knew him online for six months before we met in person and was as emotionally close to him as I ever have been with a man. I get it. I also played WoW for a few years. I met people just like the two of you. You hide from life in a video game. Hell, a lot of us here on these boards are hiding from life. It's just what we do. You may need to take a step back and really look at your situation. If you're feeling uncertain now, the first meeting in person isn't going to help. You both have to really want it. 1
bdizzle Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 This reminds me of the Big Bang theory. Wallowitz bangs some troll in the game. Bernadette gets pissed and breaks up with him momentarily. At least they were in person...television show aside.
aisuru Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Everyone seems to be under the impression that I'm trying to get her to not play the game. I want her to be happy and have fun. Yes the goal would be to live together once I've finished my last 3 years of college education. Until the. I cannot make that step. Hopefully meetings after this one in progress though will become more often. As in meeting every month if money allows it. AHHH, that is why she is distancing herself. 3 years!? That's a huge investment in time to ask of somebody you haven't even met yet. Time to ssslllooowww down buddy. I'm sorry. I know it hurts. 1
Author Tk123 Posted May 30, 2013 Author Posted May 30, 2013 Everyone seems to be under the impression that I'm trying to get her to not play the game. I want her to be happy and have fun. Yes the goal would be to live together once I've finished my last 3 years of college education. Until the. I cannot make that step. Hopefully meetings after this one in progress though will become more often. As in meeting every month if money allows it. Until then* sorry couldn't edit that and I'm on my phone.
metal_chick Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 When online dating or meeting people online, in almost all cases, you should meet people sooner rather than later. I'm not saying that you can't have a long online daliance and not have the 'in-person' meetings be fantastic (it happens!) but in general, the sooner you meet, the better. It answers the unanswered questions.
Author Tk123 Posted May 30, 2013 Author Posted May 30, 2013 (edited) AHHH, that is why she is distancing herself. 3 years!? That's a huge investment in time to ask of somebody you haven't even met yet. Time to ssslllooowww down buddy. I'm sorry. I know it hurts. We haven't even gone that far so I don't know what you're talking about. We haven't even met once yet, I would assume if we clicked in person and stayed at it though that living together would be the ultimate goal? Edited May 30, 2013 by Tk123
bdizzle Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 What're you going to do when you log on and come to find her character sharing a drink with another mage or whatever the verbage in WoW is? 1
aisuru Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 We haven't even gone that far so I don't know what you're talking about. We haven't even met once yet, I would assume if we clicked in person and stayed at it though that living together would be the ultimate goal? I was referencing the 3 more years you have of school, so you are unable to uproot your life. I'm well aware you've only been online dating for 7 months.
Author Tk123 Posted May 30, 2013 Author Posted May 30, 2013 Do you like it when people tell you how to spend your time? I know I don't! It annoys me, makes me resentful, causes me to question why I'm sharing my life with people who are infringing on my freedom, fun and making demands from me. That's why I asked: do you want a game addict for a gf or not? Because you demanding she change is at best only going to work temporarily. She will go back to old habits because she LIKES it. I'm not telling her what to do! She could play the game all she wants. Don't you think it's a little weird though that she barely talks to me anymore ever since she has been back on it though? She tells me she loves me everyday we talk but when our conversations are not even 30 minutes anymore because by the time she is off the game it is 1AM and I have to be up for work 4 hours later is that fair to me?
Author Tk123 Posted May 30, 2013 Author Posted May 30, 2013 What're you going to do when you log on and come to find her character sharing a drink with another mage or whatever the verbage in WoW is? I should've just kept living in question, I don't know why people like you have to take sarcastic shots for playing a video game. I'm sorry for trying to enjoy my downtime after breaking my ass to pay for an education and get somewhere in the real world.
SuperGeek Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 As long as she can't tell him what to do with his time. Do you like it when people tell you how to spend your time? I know I don't! It annoys me, makes me resentful, causes me to question why I'm sharing my life with people who are infringing on my freedom, fun and making demands from me. That's why I asked: do you want a game addict for a gf or not? Because you demanding she change is at best only going to work temporarily. She will go back to old habits because she LIKES it. 1
metal_chick Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 I'm not telling her what to do! She could play the game all she wants. Don't you think it's a little weird though that she barely talks to me anymore ever since she has been back on it though? She tells me she loves me everyday we talk but when our conversations are not even 30 minutes anymore because by the time she is off the game it is 1AM and I have to be up for work 4 hours later is that fair to me? No. But it's an online relationship and you haven't met - which by it's nature, makes it a part-time relationship. Until either of you make a firmer commitment to one another, you might have to accept this as it is, or move on to something else.
Author Tk123 Posted May 30, 2013 Author Posted May 30, 2013 No. But it's an online relationship and you haven't met - which by it's nature, makes it a part-time relationship. Until either of you make a firmer commitment to one another, you might have to accept this as it is, or move on to something else. Fair enough. Thanks for the advice. We'll just have to see how serious this gets if we do end up meeting in a couple of weeks. 1
bdizzle Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 I should've just kept living in question, I don't know why people like you have to take sarcastic shots for playing a video game. I'm sorry for trying to enjoy my downtime after breaking my ass to pay for an education and get somewhere in the real world. While I commend you for "breaking your ass to pay for an education and get somewhere in the real world"...you're not living in the real world. You're debating on "breaking up" with a woman you have yet to meet over a video game and her shortness of communication with you. When and if the time comes for you two to meet, then take it as a real relationship and go from there. Don't base everything on her playing a video game.
Author Tk123 Posted May 30, 2013 Author Posted May 30, 2013 While I commend you for "breaking your ass to pay for an education and get somewhere in the real world"...you're not living in the real world. You're debating on "breaking up" with a woman you have yet to meet over a video game and her shortness of communication with you. When and if the time comes for you two to meet, then take it as a real relationship and go from there. Don't base everything on her playing a video game. Alright. I'll have to update this if/when the meeting happens in 2 weeks. Then maybe I can get some answers as to where I should go with this relationship. 1
Author Tk123 Posted May 30, 2013 Author Posted May 30, 2013 Wow is social and mostly men play that game so you ARE essentially telling her what to do when you don't like her playing a game where she associates with men for long periods of time. My guy is a musician. He does it hours every night. He's around lots of female fans. If I object to him spending so much time on his hobby that takes me away from him and object to the women: I am ultimately denying him his passion. It's just music to me, it's a passion for him. Gaming is a passion for your gf. Come in between it and you are going to have issues so make up your mind now about if you can handle it. Pretending you are "just mad about the time apart or the guys" is p*ssy footing around it... Thanks for the response. Maybe I do need to move on. I play the game occasionally as well, but I'm nowhere close to as addicted as she is. Maybe I do need to move on and find a girl who would actually appreciate me for me. I have a lot of thinking to do.
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