PogoStick Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 I've met this girl a few times in group settings, just friendly. We end up at a party and she gets jealous of another girl flirting with me. She pulls me off alone and we kiss, she ends up sleeping in my bed that night, pretty much everything but sex. Two days later she stopped by (our first time ever meeting alone) and we walked around the lake for an hour, and she didn't even want to kiss. I understand going slow, but from almost sex to no kissing is a huge step back. Says she rushed with the last guy and wants to take things slow. Wants to be friends and get to know each other better first. The fact she wants to hang out tells me she's interested but I'm also getting hardcore friendzoned. Maybe I just need to give it some time but I'm confused and frustrated. She says she's trying to give me tips to be successful with her, that sounds positive. Don't push things or she'll get scared. I'm pretty attracted to her or I wouldn't care. The other side of me wants to ignore her until she's serious about moving forward and not play this kind of game. She has shown multiple points of interest but I don't know what to make of her resistance and stepping back, especially since she's the one who pushed it forward. Was it just the alcohol or did that let out her true interest?
Phantom888 Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 You can still develop deep friendship and still hold hands and kiss. I agree sex would affect the level of friendship in the beginning. Lots of fun conversation, flirting and touching is always good signs. I don't think she should avoid kissing you...that doesn't sound right....unless you guys are really young like teens, then it's normal. 1
BluEyeL Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 I don't think it means not interested, it might mean exactly what she said. 3
hppr Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 She's not into you. Sorry bud it happens. Fact that she doesn't want to kiss you but wants to 'walk around the lake' with you says a lot. You think she's hot, you like her, she knows it. She's banking on you keeping in contact with her, being her snuggle buddy or whatever. Don't be that guy. You want a kiss? Find a girl who wants to kiss you! Be a lot happier that way trust me. 3
TaraMaiden Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 This pi$$es me off.... I really would be so tempted to ask her - "You're apparently calling all the shots here, and giving me tips on how to be successful with you - but if you want success with me, you'll quit stringing me along because that's what it feels like, and if you push away too hard, I may find it hard to keep bouncing back for you. You're being very unfair, you know that? I mean, how the hell am I supposed to know where I stand with you??" 2
Author PogoStick Posted May 29, 2013 Author Posted May 29, 2013 Thanks I appreciate a gals perspective. She's 25 and I think only had 1 real relationship that last 3-4 years. I have much more dating experience, including a 6 year marriage. Maybe she wants to be cautious but struggles containing natural desires. 1
hppr Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Thanks I appreciate a gals perspective. She's 25 and I think only had 1 real relationship that last 3-4 years. I have much more dating experience, including a 6 year marriage. Maybe she wants to be cautious but struggles containing natural desires. The main thing that would bug me is her saying 'slow down' and 'do things my way' after what, one date? PFFT. Moving fast for what? Where? It's not like you're talking marriage and baby making with her. Like I said you can hold hands and be friends with this chick or find one that'll actually kiss you, your choice. 1
Treasa Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 She sounds like a tease. She needs to make up her mind about what she wants, because right now she's giving you no real clues as to what she'd like. Pull back until she straightens up. 2
RedRobin Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 I'd say end it. If you think someone asking for you to go slow is some kind of game or manipulation trick, then you aren't suited for each other. Find someone who will 'put out' on the first date if that is your speed. Women who really do prefer to go slow(er) don't appreciate the constant leg humping. It's not like you really care about getting to know her better or anything. So, let her go... and don't be a d*ck about it either. Tell her that your relationship styles don't match or whatever... You will be doing her a huge favor.
Author PogoStick Posted May 30, 2013 Author Posted May 30, 2013 Damn Red you're jaded. I'm the bad guy? You missed the part where she pulled me away and threw herself on me. It's not about whether she "puts out". It's about her mixed signals, jumping me one night then saying slow down. I wouldn't say she's not interested. She drove to my house the 2nd time and she's been texting. If she wasn't interested, then why visit me at all? A guy friend thinks she makes this kind of drama because she is interested. Uninterested girls disappear. But I don't like the games. It feels like high school. My general feeling is to keep dating and if she plays too long she will miss out. I deserve to be chased as much as she does. 3
SaintNick Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 I've met this girl a few times in group settings, just friendly. We end up at a party and she gets jealous of another girl flirting with me. She pulls me off alone and we kiss, she ends up sleeping in my bed that night, pretty much everything but sex. Two days later she stopped by (our first time ever meeting alone) and we walked around the lake for an hour, and she didn't even want to kiss. I understand going slow, but from almost sex to no kissing is a huge step back. Says she rushed with the last guy and wants to take things slow. Wants to be friends and get to know each other better first. The fact she wants to hang out tells me she's interested but I'm also getting hardcore friendzoned. Maybe I just need to give it some time but I'm confused and frustrated. She says she's trying to give me tips to be successful with her, that sounds positive. Don't push things or she'll get scared. I'm pretty attracted to her or I wouldn't care. The other side of me wants to ignore her until she's serious about moving forward and not play this kind of game. She has shown multiple points of interest but I don't know what to make of her resistance and stepping back, especially since she's the one who pushed it forward. Was it just the alcohol or did that let out her true interest? Frankly, I dont think this girl knows what she wants so she is asking to take is so slowly to cover herself (feelings). This is all good and well, but to me gives off a level of instability. If someone is truly ready for a relationship then going slow is great and all, but they shouldnt be afraid to kiss you. Just my opinion! 3
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 She's down. She'll just take some work. Keep seeing her and putting in the effort, while pursuing other options at the same time. 1
hppr Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 Damn Red you're jaded. LOL yeah that's what I think when I read her posts as well.
Woohoo Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 Your in a tough situation. Think about the first encounter. What was different? The biggest difference is STATUS and PEER PRESSURE. Sounds like a girl who doesn't want to be outdone. She see's another girl flirting, she doesn't have anyone, that guy is too hot for her! Bam, she attacks wanting the attention. Simply put you need to display status and if their are other people around perfect. Also? A girl like this you took to walk around the lake? She is a stimulation junky! BAD CHOICE. To avoid the friendzone take charge, take her to public places people party at, be macho, use people around to communicate to her and you will be fine. That is what she wants, that is what she THOUGHT you were based on the other girl flirting with you/environment. Your peaceful approach IS going to friendzone, your on the tightrope and are shaky so get it together! How you feel and what you do now doesn't cut it, the question is will you go further? If a girl sleeps in your bed with no sex the first time (unless it is some REALLY good reason) then take her home/make her leave etc. Don't want her associating your bed with non-sexy activities.
RedRobin Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 Damn Red you're jaded. I'm the bad guy? You missed the part where she pulled me away and threw herself on me. It's not about whether she "puts out". It's about her mixed signals, jumping me one night then saying slow down. I wouldn't say she's not interested. She drove to my house the 2nd time and she's been texting. If she wasn't interested, then why visit me at all? A guy friend thinks she makes this kind of drama because she is interested. Uninterested girls disappear. But I don't like the games. It feels like high school. My general feeling is to keep dating and if she plays too long she will miss out. I deserve to be chased as much as she does. Didn't say you were the bad guy. This isn't about how interested she is or isn't. If your only barometer of interest is sex with a person you don't know... and she wants to wait (for whatever reason... doesn't matter)... and all you can do is fuss... then you two aren't compatible and you certainly aren't all that interested. Move on.
KungFuJoe Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 She sounds immature and probably has issues. I would probably keep a wary distance from her to be honest. It could also be something else we don't know about. I once dated a girl (I was 22 she was 20) and shed be all over me one minute and cold the next. I thought she was crazy but didn't find out til much later that her hot and cold was due to the fact that my ex was still trying to get back together with me at the time (pretty much stalking me) and that made her wary of getting too close.
Author PogoStick Posted June 1, 2013 Author Posted June 1, 2013 WooHoo I understand the thinking but I disagree. She said from the beginning that she didn't want sex and I'd like to think it's a positive to respect that. There was plenty of action so I can imagine holding back a little builds the tension even more down the road. I think the lake was fine. She only had an hour before needing to leave. It could even be positive to do something that's out of the norm for her. While there she mentioned wanting to come back camping. She wrote the next day saying she enjoyed it. And tonight she text saying she wants to go back and see the sunset. She's thinking about it 3 days later and bothered to tell me. Seems like a good sign. I think the best thing is to relax and let her figure it out. Keep dating because this one is unpredictable. If it happens, it happens.
spiderowl Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 Actually, I've felt like saying this to guys. Usually, I am not sure of them but prepared to get to know them to see what relationship naturally develops between us. They get all keen and passionate and flirt and pester for attention. It's too much! I then start to feel pressured and suffocated and hint that they should not invest too much at this stage. If they backed off then and didn't put pressure on, we could get to know each other, but inevitably, they still do the flirting and prod for attention all the time. It makes me feel they are clingy, possessive and invasive. Eventually, I give up on hints and tell them I think they'd best look elsewhere. I just can't cope with that kind of pressure. Until I know them well, we are not going to be lovers. They just don't get that and think they are being friend-zoned. No, they are not, but if they keep pushing they will be rejected. 2
todreaminblue Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 I think the alcohol on the first tiem thing says it all....she wasnt herself when that happened...taking it slow......you can still kiss be affectionate hold hands have fun......i think eb honest with her....are you willing to take it slow...if not....let her know.....she has to be able to compromise if she really cares about you....compromising sex though.......i would say ...not......she shouldnt have to compromise that.......you....... if you care about her should be willing to wait if you are compatible that way...not on affection though........good luck pogo....deb 1
undergroundlife13 Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 Maybe she feels stupid for how things turned out and doesnt want to rush i dont think shed hangout with you otherwise. If she doesnt kiss you the next few times though maybe she isnt interested. im a girl btw 1
Author PogoStick Posted June 1, 2013 Author Posted June 1, 2013 Thanks Ladies for all the insight. Spider's seems particularly relevant.
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