charlietheginger Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 Well last relationship was short , simply put kids are expensive I dont make tons of money and never will. I make enough to be independent My theory is i wont be able to support a child in todays materialistic society Rather then subject a child to a regular life/restricted life Id rather not have children at all. every women wants kids or has kids its very hard to find A women that does not want children. I tell this upfront to women i get mixed responses. I dont want to use a woman for sex and dont want To get suckered into a relationship that will break apart when the subject of kids comes up...... Any advice. Im upfront and honest with women no use In leading them on.... 1
MidwestUSA Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 Well, you don't want to hear this, but wait, and keep waiting. You would have worked for me, back in the day. . Best wishes! 1
melodicintention Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 There's nothing wrong with the way you feel, I agree myself with everything you said about raising kids and why you are deterred from it. I think you should be upfront about it. You don't even have to have some serious discussion about it, just bring it up in casual conversation when you start dating that you are not the dad type and never will be. There are women who do not want children. I've known more than one childless couple that choose to not have children. You'll find a girl who agrees just be open about your feeling.
pteromom Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 If you don't want children, then only date women who do not have children, and keep being upfront about not wanting them. There are plenty of women around your age who had kids young, and are now fixed with grown or near-grown children, and do not want more kids. There are also women who don't want children. So yeah, your pool will be smaller with the no-kids restriction, but it isn't impossible. 2
Galaxias Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 Do you really, really, REALLY not want kids? Or is it just the perceived inconvenience? I'm in that demographic that had kids and they're not with me now. Although I'm older, I hadn't put it past the realm of possibility to maybe have a kid with that special someone I end up with. But that's basing it on the supposition that every man wants to have someone to carry his name, his blood, his legacy. I have, in fact, been kind of worried and a bit sad that on the off chance that my boyfriend would ever want that, by the time we ended up together, I might be out of time. So it's interesting to read that someone even younger than my boyfriend just knows that he doesn't want kids. Period. But, really?
Treasa Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 Join childfree groups. I like kids but don't want any.
mammasita Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 If money is your only reason....you're ruling out many women who have a situation like mine. One kid, good Job, house, car, financially stable and getting child support. On the other hand if you just don't like kids and don't care to be a role model for a woman's child....then I understand. 3
Hopeless80 Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 Well, not "all" women want kids. For what it's worth, I'm 32 and I knew many years ago that I do not want kids. I like kids when you know that they're only visiting and will be going home eventually. To actually raise them, not for me! 2
bob the brave Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 It's a numbers game. There are women who feel as you do, but as you're finding out, they are rare. I mean think about, if you owned a car with an expensive stereo system, would you never turn it on? They are simply made to have kids. You will just have to keep playing the numbers until you find one or break down and have a kid. Often, things don't turn out as bad as we may think. Also, maybe it's just me, but it sounds like your 'sense of responsiblity' for not wanting to bring a kid into this world is a coverup for not actually wanting the responsibility of doing it. I could be wrong, but know yourself. It could be your reasoning to some women comes off insincere and this is what is scaring them off. Be confident in your decision. Just tell 'em you like kids, but it's just not for you and don't make excueses.
Hopeless80 Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 It's a numbers game. There are women who feel as you do, but as you're finding out, they are rare. I mean think about, if you owned a car with an expensive stereo system, would you never turn it on? They are simply made to have kids. You will just have to keep playing the numbers until you find one or break down and have a kid. Often, things don't turn out as bad as we may think. Also, maybe it's just me, but it sounds like your 'sense of responsiblity' for not wanting to bring a kid into this world is a coverup for not actually wanting the responsibility of doing it. I could be wrong, but know yourself. It could be your reasoning to some women comes off insincere and this is what is scaring them off. Be confident in your decision. Just tell 'em you like kids, but it's just not for you and don't make excueses. LOL... Good to know my sole purpose to exist is to just have kids. Guess I'm definitely going to fail there! I don't think anyone should ever just "break down" and have children. Kids are a huge, lifelong responsibility, and certainly not for those who do not want them in the first place. Whatever his reasons are for not wanting kids doesn't really matter. If he's doesn't want kids, he should not have them. Just my opinion. 2
El Brujo Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 Unfortunately, there are plenty of women in their 50s and 60s who still want to have kids. WTF??? They're going to be wrinkled and toothless when the kid graduates from high school! OP, the only thing I can suggest is that you start a lobbying group to get the government to legalize human cloning. Then we can have access to all the kidless women we need.
RedRobin Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Lots of men in your age group all think they don't want kids... then completely whig out in their 40's and 50's when they see all their friends happy and with kids... or they finally feel they've achieved some level of stability and are finally ready for a family. Then they become these rather pathetic sad sacks in online dating sites trolling for young women to start a family and hoping to make up for lost time. I call it the male 'bioclock'... happens like 10 years later than women... but it still happens. Anyway, if you are serious about not having kids, then get a vasectomy. You don't want any accidents. I got my tubes tied years ago when I was fairly young because I didn't want any accidents and was fine with adoption. 3
ja123 Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Here's a bunch of women (minus George Clooney) who don't want kids. Not all stars have jumped on the baby bandwagon - Hollywood?s Childless by Choice club
shexy Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 I'm 42, don't have kids and don't want kids. In my age group, it's hard to find a single man that doesn't have kids. I would be open to dating someone with kids, but I don't want to raise someone else's kid, ya know? There was a good reason I chose not to ever have kids, it's because I never felt like I'd be a good parent. A lot of guys in my age group that don't have kids yet want to date 25 year olds because they feel like they're running out of time and they need a young little trophy wife to bear the fruit of their loins. It's frustrating for sure, but there ARE a few women out there (like me) that don't want or have kids
shexy Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 It's a numbers game. There are women who feel as you do, but as you're finding out, they are rare. I mean think about, if you owned a car with an expensive stereo system, would you never turn it on? They are simply made to have kids. You will just have to keep playing the numbers until you find one or break down and have a kid. Often, things don't turn out as bad as we may think. Also, maybe it's just me, but it sounds like your 'sense of responsiblity' for not wanting to bring a kid into this world is a coverup for not actually wanting the responsibility of doing it. I could be wrong, but know yourself. It could be your reasoning to some women comes off insincere and this is what is scaring them off. Be confident in your decision. Just tell 'em you like kids, but it's just not for you and don't make excueses. OH WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!! No I am NOT MADE to have kids!!!!!! Holy ****, what is this 1842?????
Kelemvor Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 The worst thing you could possibly do for yourself, a potential mother, and a future child... is to have a child for the wrong reasons. Listen to your instincts and follow your own internal compass to find your own happiness...whether it involves a child or not. Don't let people, society, family, or anyone for that matter... pressure you into convincing yourself that they know what's best for you. Not all men are made to be fathers or husbands for that matter. If you keep at it, you'll find women who feel the same that you do. Figure out if it's the child that's the problem, or simply having one of your own. There are many single mothers that are quality women who might not feel strongly about having another child if you were open to having a relationship that included the both of them. 1
FitChick Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 There will always be women who feel you would change your mind if you had your own. That's why you should get a vasectomy and put an end to any fantasies they may have. It's quite easy for them to trap you. Don't be fooled. 4
Kelemvor Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 I think a vasectomy is a bit extreme for a 36 yo man. I'd caution against such a procedure unless you are unequivocally certain that you don't want children. (Don't bet on reversal.) Even then, I'd recommend having some sperm stored in a cryobank.
dreamingoftigers Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Here's a bunch of women (minus George Clooney) who don't want kids. Not all stars have jumped on the baby bandwagon - Hollywood?s Childless by Choice club There's your answer! Date Cameron Diaz.
carhill Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 My theory is i wont be able to support a child in todays materialistic society Rather then subject a child to a regular life/restricted life. Any advice. Im upfront and honest with women no use In leading them on.... People with limited means have been producing valuable and productive children/adults since the dawn of time. If you're going to produce a reason for not wanting children, I'll suggest you re-evaluate this one. Don't sell yourself short. As to the dating aspects, at your age, it's a tough row to hoe. Most women have been married/LTR and a large majority are mothers. Am I understanding correctly that you would not consider a woman who already has a child/children, in addition to not wanting to produce children of your own? I ask because most of the women I dated in my 30's had children, including a couple who became girlfriends, and I never felt obligated, nor did they ask or insinuate that I should provide their children with any support. Anything I did, and I did do some things, were completely voluntary and within my budget at the time. In retrospect, we had a lot of great times together and the children were part of that. If you're firm about your preference, then continue to state it up front and accept the limits that places on your dating pool. Additionally, if not already there, consider locating to a demographic with more single and childless women. Large cities, in the urban regions, tend to offer more of those. Good luck. 3
apple OR orange Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 i'm not going to make up some figures like "plenty of women dont want kids".... basics is... You dont want kids, so thats just narrowed your search of women down ALOT, to the point your likely be single all the time, there are loads of people who come on here not able to find "a woman" let alone pickky about not wanting kids (when almost all women do want them).
edgygirl Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 There are lots of child-free, single women in their 40s in larger cities who don't want, or can't have children. Would you be fine dating a woman slightly older than you? Lots of them look gorgeous at least in my city. You might be surprised if you date a woman with children. My boyfriend told me he misses his exes' 2 children much more than he missed her when they broke up
Cutiepie1976 Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 There are definitely women out there who are childless and never want children. I have a few friends late 20's/early 30's in that camp and they are struggling to find guys like you who feel the same way. You and they are not that common, but you definitely exist. Be upfront, be honest, and use every avenue available to you to find suitable dates who share your views. You will find someone appropriate with a little patience.
El Brujo Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Lots of men in your age group all think they don't want kids... then completely whig out in their 40's and 50's when they see all their friends happy and with kids... or they finally feel they've achieved some level of stability and are finally ready for a family. Then they become these rather pathetic sad sacks in online dating sites trolling for young women to start a family and hoping to make up for lost time. I call it the male 'bioclock'... happens like 10 years later than women... but it still happens. Boo hoo, sniff sniff, I feel so gypped... NOT!!! When I see people with little kids who let them run around like apes and let them trash the place, I think "boy am I glad I'm not a dad"! BTW I don't understand why it's so taboo to want a woman who's infertile. I never did understand, and I never will... I think a bunch of oversexed lechers acted like a bunch of kids in a candy store when they made up all the rules.
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