break up gone bad..

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So heres my story its a long one but im hoping to get some advice on what I should do before acting or attempting to contact my ex again

 

she was 17 when we first met, I was 19. We fell for each other quick, but before I met her I decided I was going to move away to new york for school. So I did, we kept in touch spoke on the phone daily, she loved me before I loved her, but it wasnt long after that I realized she was the one I wanted to be with. I went through alot of hardships while living in new york, she was always the one I called or looked to for comfort. So after 2 years I could no longer have a long distance relationship with her, it was too hard, I wanted to be in her life and I wanted her in mine. So I moved back to toronto to live with my mom and be with the woman of my dreams. We had good times, we had bad times, trips to cuba, new york, niagara falls. Anyways she always felt she had to teach me the way she wanted to be treated, she also felt like I wouldnt listen to her when she'd tell me what she wants and expects from me, il admit alot of times I didnt, and I wasnt there for her alot of times when she needed me to be, I mean I was young, enjoying my youth, going out with friends. Now my lover did the opposite, instead of enjoying her youth she would always want to spend time with me, she would wait till I got home to sleep, and she basically isolated herself from her friends when we were together. Throughout our relationship il admit I wasnt the greatest boyfriend, I was young and dumb, many drunk clubbing nights where I acted like a fool embarrassing her, embarrassing me, i was very posessive and over protective.she would always call me selfish and stubborn for never listening to her and always doing what I thought was best, I did take her opinion into consideration many times, but sometimes I just didnt agree, something as simple as buying a red or blue bag, she'd say blue but I liked red, id ask for her opinion and she'd say well if you already know you like red then why even ask me? Alot of our situations were like that, I wouldnt ask her to push her buttons, I just wanted her opinion, it would frustrate her, but that wasnt my intention at all. Like any relationship we had our ups and downs, id make her feel like the happiest woman alive, but at the same time im a guy I make mistakes that have hurt her, but I've always made sure that whatever mistakes ive made with her, id go out of my way 100000 times for her forgiveness, and when id make her mistake usually the next day id take her out and by the end of the night id get a text saying "thank you I had a really good time" or "you really made me happy thank you." So after all this that weve gone through, she decided she needed some space, it was hard for me to give her that as we would see each other and talk everyday, so we continued to talk and one day she came over and we got intimate and pretty much got back together, a year passed and I felt she was different, she WAS different her feelings for me had changed and I could see it in her eyes. So after a year we got into a fight because I was being somewhat posessive and over protective of her as I always was and she just had enough, she msged me saying we need to break up. It was an extremely rough break up, I did everything wrong, I would call her text her, acted very needy and desperate, everything that I wasnt suppose to do, said things I didnt mean, got angry at her, threatened to beat up her guy friend, it was hell, I love her so much I wasnt thinking and I honestly just went crazy. I pushed her away so far, but its because im crazy inlove with her it was so hard to let go! Im 24 now we were together for 5 years

 

so now this is the current situation, ive realized how I need to be, I cant be posessive or over protective, I have to listen to her, not be selfish nor stubborn, let her have her freedom and just have trust in her that she can hold her own. After such a horrible break up, shes very angry with the way I took things and she started to completely ignore me because of how ive been, some nights id stay up crying calling her texting her non stop, she just got fed up, so she wont reply my calls or texts anymore.. I really do love this woman and I want to be the man for her, not only for her, but for myself, I want to be that man. How do I fix such a damaged relationship/breakup, do I write to her, she has so.much anger resentment towards me everytime ive tried to reach out she would just blow up on me, I know I need to give her time to heal and forget about the past, but what after that? Shes currently seeing someone else and it hurts me because I know she compares the way inused to treat her to the way he treats her, I want the love of my life back and no matter how much I convince her she wont give me another chance, im devastated, full of regret and pain, I wish I couldve been the perfect man for her and if I got a chance now I would. Pls help me get the love of my life back, im hurting so much and I cant just move on knowing how badly I messed up.. I want to be a better man for myself and her, should I give it a few weeks and write her a letter? What do I say in the letter? Her birthday was not too long ago and I gave her a gift with a love poem and letter apologising for everything, she tried calling me after I gave it to her but I broke down crying in my xar and I couldnt answer, she cried the whole night and took it again as me being selfish for not responding because I had to goto work and I didnt want to break down there, but truly if I wudv answered her I wouldve broken down on the phone. Guys I really love this woman and I will do anything to get her back, she hates me and it hurts me every second of the day, please help me, I regret everything, and if I got another chance I wont mess up, I promise my life on that. Pls help me rekindle this mess, I want to marry her and make her the happiest woman alive, when we broke up I went crazy I even proposed to her which was stupid but like I said it got to a point where I couldnt control ky actions or words, I scared her off.... now what do I do?

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She says shes lost interest and attractiom towards me but this has made me.realize alot and made me.grow as a person. I know.if she gave me another shot id win her heart back but she is a taurus, shes gicen me chances in the past to change but I just wasnt ready. I cant move on living in regret for messing up.the best thing.thats happend to.me. pls help me mind my typing errors and grammar im doing this over a cellphone and not caring for the proper use. Just.pouring my heart out to.you guys honestly