ImperfectionisBeauty Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 Ok so I went out with the cute military boy, he was cute and funny and nice and he asked me on a second date, so we are going this weekend to the movies. I'm excited but idk I just don't feel this major click, he is hard to read. I mean he has said like 1 cute thing the whole time we have been talking, and idk I mean he is talking about taking a job in October that is an hour and a half away (he isn't sure yet) but if he does that'll ruin everything again maybe I am just being weird because with Andy we clicked immediately, and I just want that back. We moved kind of fast but it could have worked, I just want someone to move fast with me. He isn't moving fast he is moving at a snails pace and it is making me question if he likes me. I'm going out with other guys but none of them are moving fast... Why is everyone so goddamn slow moving! I'm thinking about trying to contact Andy soon. I Miss him times a billion I can't see why he wouldn't want to try to make it work maybe? I mean I work now so I'm busy too kind of
crederer Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 Not moving fast enough? Woah, Nellie, slow er down. You've been on one date. And yeah sometimes it takes longer for a click to happen because people are nervous at first and such. Go on a few more dates, you have nothing to lose. 5
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted May 29, 2013 Author Posted May 29, 2013 Not moving fast enough? Woah, Nellie, slow er down. You've been on one date. And yeah sometimes it takes longer for a click to happen because people are nervous at first and such. Go on a few more dates, you have nothing to lose. I'm going to keep going out with him, maybe by the time October comes we will be serious?! Then he won't take the job far or he will consider me when he takes it
pteromom Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 I just want someone to move fast with me. Funny, since that is the exact opposite of what you need to happen. Go slowly. Get to know each other. Learn about who he is - what he values, what his goals are, what his hobbies are, what he thinks about, who he loves, what he believes, whether he keeps promises and is respectful and kind to you and others. And as you do this, compare what he says and does with what you want. If it is incompatible, walk away. It seems like what you want more than anything else is for someone to validate you and make you feel wanted, and while that's nice, it's not much to base a relationship on. If you want a relationship that will last long-term, you need to adjust your thinking.
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted May 29, 2013 Author Posted May 29, 2013 Funny, since that is the exact opposite of what you need to happen. Go slowly. Get to know each other. Learn about who he is - what he values, what his goals are, what his hobbies are, what he thinks about, who he loves, what he believes, whether he keeps promises and is respectful and kind to you and others. And as you do this, compare what he says and does with what you want. If it is incompatible, walk away. It seems like what you want more than anything else is for someone to validate you and make you feel wanted, and while that's nice, it's not much to base a relationship on. If you want a relationship that will last long-term, you need to adjust your thinking. I am just getting so desperately lately like dire! I can't help it I'm just getting depressed because I want it so bad. I literally went back through my phone to message guys I talked to or dated in the past... I just need someone now and just going out on dates isn't good enough anymore you know? What's ghe point of all these dates if it doesn't work out. I feel like dating shouldn't be this hard I mean bums on the street have relationships and I can't get one. That's pathetic.. What do bums on the street have to offer that I don't? I would be a great gf, even if I wouldn't I deserve the chance to find out.
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted May 29, 2013 Author Posted May 29, 2013 What happened to your pregnancy scare? Took a test yesterday and it was negative. I just have to wait on my period
pteromom Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 I am just getting so desperately lately like dire! I can't help it I'm just getting depressed because I want it so bad. I literally went back through my phone to message guys I talked to or dated in the past... I just need someone now and just going out on dates isn't good enough anymore you know? What's ghe point of all these dates if it doesn't work out. I feel like dating shouldn't be this hard I mean bums on the street have relationships and I can't get one. That's pathetic.. What do bums on the street have to offer that I don't? I would be a great gf, even if I wouldn't I deserve the chance to find out. If you settle for any loser who will throw you a kiss now and then, that is exactly what you are going to end up with. A relationship isn't going to magically make life perfect, and if you aren't careful, you are going to end up with one that is going to make your life horrible. You think it hurts to be single? Wait until you end up with a man who hits you or verbally abuses you. You are feeding your own desperation by putting love on a pedestal. You need to focus on appreciating what you have so you can make rational decisions. 4
hppr Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 I just want someone to move fast with me. You're a girl right? If you want to be pumped and dumped just say so, guys like honesty. Or put up an online profile with scantily clad pics, say you like bad boys but you aren't a slut, and then go out with every guy that emails you. Fast isn't that hard to find unless you're one of those "...I want butterflies on a first date types" in which case you're in for loads of disappointment...
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted May 29, 2013 Author Posted May 29, 2013 You're a girl right? If you want to be pumped and dumped just say so, guys like honesty. Or put up an online profile with scantily clad pics, say you like bad boys but you aren't a slut, and then go out with every guy that emails you. Fast isn't that hard to find unless you're one of those "...I want butterflies on a first date types" in which case you're in for loads of disappointment... Lol I don't wanna be pumped and dumped been there (unintentionally) and it hurts too bad. I want to fall in love fast
pteromom Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 I want to fall in love fast No such thing. You can be infatuated quickly, but you can't LOVE someone until you know who they are, and you don't know who they are until you've traveled through life with them for a while. Why the need for speed? I don't get it. What do you gain by moving quickly? Just that you are in a "secure" relationship faster? 1
Phantom888 Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 I am just getting so desperately lately like dire! I can't help it I'm just getting depressed because I want it so bad. I literally went back through my phone to message guys I talked to or dated in the past... I just need someone now and just going out on dates isn't good enough anymore you know? What's ghe point of all these dates if it doesn't work out. I feel like dating shouldn't be this hard I mean bums on the street have relationships and I can't get one. That's pathetic.. What do bums on the street have to offer that I don't? I would be a great gf, even if I wouldn't I deserve the chance to find out. Don't sell yourself short. I know it sucks to be lonely and no sex. But it is actually worse to be with someone who is not right for you. Don't settle for less. Try to build self-confidence via friends and support groups. Be happy being single FIRST. Once you get there, you will start attracting GREAT guys like bugs on honey. Don't be desperate..... you are young and there is a lot going for you! 1
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted May 29, 2013 Author Posted May 29, 2013 I want to not be so desperate but lately it is just hitting me really really hard. Like so hard. And then with desperate comes bitter and mad and jaded and idk I'm so angry all the time I don't let it show though but I am
pteromom Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 I want to not be so desperate but lately it is just hitting me really really hard. Like so hard. And then with desperate comes bitter and mad and jaded and idk I'm so angry all the time I don't let it show though but I am Sometimes it is hard, but put some thought into what it is you are desperate FOR. What you want a happy relationship to look like - hopefully it isn't just someone there with you, but someone who is sweet and sexy and kind and accepting and appreciative and open... right? And realize that you can't just take any guy who shows interest and be lucky enough to have it fall in your lap. You have to use heart AND head, and only continue to date someone who truly is what you want as a person. I would also recommend that you start actively practicing gratitude. You are a Christian, right? Start paying attention to all the gifts you have been given and all the ways you are fortunate, and learn to be happy with yourself. When you do that, I think you will attract the right kind of guys to you. I hate to say it, but desperately clinging on to any guy who shows you attention IS going to end up causing you to be "pumped and dumped" again. There was even a thread here about that a while back, about how easy it is to manipulate desperate women.
BluEyeL Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 I am just getting so desperately lately like dire! I can't help it I'm just getting depressed because I want it so bad. I literally went back through my phone to message guys I talked to or dated in the past... I just need someone now and just going out on dates isn't good enough anymore you know? What's ghe point of all these dates if it doesn't work out. I feel like dating shouldn't be this hard I mean bums on the street have relationships and I can't get one. That's pathetic.. What do bums on the street have to offer that I don't? I would be a great gf, even if I wouldn't I deserve the chance to find out. Have a one night stand, it might help. I'm serious.
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted May 29, 2013 Author Posted May 29, 2013 Have a one night stand, it might help. I'm serious. It won't I had sex last month and I felt like crap about myself.
BluEyeL Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 It won't I had sex last month and I felt like crap about myself. OK, so you tried that already and it didn't work. Then I'm at a loss. You need to be patient, VERY patient, you'll drive yourself insane and in the process you'll run men off with the desperation. Get counseling or something. Try this: If you don't get what you need (relationship, love) what's gonna happen? Is it gonna be the end of the world? Are you gonna be any worse off than now? Recognize when you're clinging and know that the Universe might give you what you need now not what you want. When you obsess, just stop, replace that way of thinking with positive thinking. Look at what you have good in your life, not at what you don't have. Maybe it's not meant to be now, is going to happen when it's supposed to happen. Good luck getting less anxious.
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted May 29, 2013 Author Posted May 29, 2013 OK, so you tried that already and it didn't work. Then I'm at a loss. You need to be patient, VERY patient, you'll drive yourself insane and in the process you'll run men off with the desperation. Get counseling or something. Try this: If you don't get what you need (relationship, love) what's gonna happen? Is it gonna be the end of the world? Are you gonna be any worse off than now? Recognize when you're clinging and know that the Universe might give you what you need now not what you want. When you obsess, just stop, replace that way of thinking with positive thinking. Look at what you have good in your life, not at what you don't have. Maybe it's not meant to be now, is going to happen when it's supposed to happen. Good luck getting less anxious. I just don't understand why I'm not ready like why it isn't happening. I do have a lot going for me I guess though I have a job... Kindaish
Phantom888 Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 I want to not be so desperate but lately it is just hitting me really really hard. Like so hard. And then with desperate comes bitter and mad and jaded and idk I'm so angry all the time I don't let it show though but I am A new man in your life is not gonna fix these feelings. Maybe they can distract you for a while, but you need to figure out why you are having these dark feelings. Love yourself and be happy alone FIRST. Get help if you need it. This doesn't sound like something new. 3
hppr Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 I just don't understand why I'm not ready like why it isn't happening. I do have a lot going for me I guess though I have a job... Kindaish You need to calm down and get your head straight it'll happen eventually. It's like forming a good friendship it doesn't happen overnight. 1
sillyanswer Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Paragraphs would help! I'm excited but idk I just don't feel this major click, I'm going out with other guys Could this be a factor? I'm broadly in favour of multi-dating and sometimes do it myself, but I suspect that with some people it distracts from 'the click'.
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted May 30, 2013 Author Posted May 30, 2013 Paragraphs would help! Could this be a factor? I'm broadly in favour of multi-dating and sometimes do it myself, but I suspect that with some people it distracts from 'the click'. Sorry about the paragraph thing. Anyways I talked to him a while before going out with him so I was super excited then idk it just wasnt as amazing as I expected.
sillyanswer Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Sorry about the paragraph thing. No worries. Anyways I talked to him a while before going out with him so I was super excited then idk it just wasnt as amazing as I expected. Ok. I've had dates like that. Really excited... and then meh. In my case, when I've bothered to analyse it, it's because we have nothing in common beyond mutual physical attraction and so I find the best solution is to move on (as I'd like there to be more than that). Not sure if that helps. 2
hppr Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Sorry about the paragraph thing. Anyways I talked to him a while before going out with him so I was super excited then idk it just wasnt as amazing as I expected. That is how dating a genuine guy goes. They have clear boundaries so they don't try to get inside your head (and pants) on the first date, they're polite, nonchalant, that kind of thing. As a guy I don't expect much, if anything on a first date. If a girl is attractive and fun to talk to then I'll go out with her again. Occasionally people meet, go crazy and bang on the first date then end up marrying and living happily ever after. I know a guy like that. But for most people it is a much more slow and involved process. It sounds to me like you are approaching dating from a really immature perspective, kinda like a teenager, and you need to think about it from the point of view of an adult. Otherwise you'll end up disappointed. 2
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