desperategirl Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 Hey all, I guess I'm just writing this today because it's been a tough day. Nearly six months of separation, over 60 days NC - maybe closer to 90, not sure. Felt I went through a fairly linear grieving process, but obviously sometimes the depression will come back and bite you on the butt. I know six months doesn't sound like a long time, but the relationship was dead for a good couple of years before we ended it, so I've been grieving it for a while. I knew the ex was a compulsive liar. I knew he was pretty good for nothing. Turns out he'd lied for years about paying utilities etc. Between the stuff he didn't pay, plus the legal costs of him not paying it (just found out recently myself - he must have hidden bills) I now owe nearly £10,000. I have to pay large monthly installments. I'm angry. I can't make him pay for it - leagally, it would cost more, and he can't afford it anyway. He used to tell everyone (when he was drunk) that I was a 'kept woman' and that he paid for everything. It wasn't true then, and he was obviously paying for nothing anyway. What a terrible person. Feeling kind of lonely and stuff today though. I was thinking how sad it is that your best friend becomes your greatest adversary. It's so hard to be alone. I don't miss him, but I miss a relationship.
carhill Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 I can sympathize. Do what you need to do. At the end of life, there's no reward for killing yourself to satisfy creditors. If you can do it, OK. Being a responsible person can be a tough job sometimes. Good on ya for giving it your best shot. I figured it would take about ten years to recover financially from divorce. So far, that's working about right. Cash flow is still tight but assets are looking good. Hopefully, the economy will continue to improve and interest rates will stay low. Work your plan and fuggetabout the ex. He's a zero now. Good luck. 1
Author desperategirl Posted May 29, 2013 Author Posted May 29, 2013 I can sympathize. Do what you need to do. At the end of life, there's no reward for killing yourself to satisfy creditors. If you can do it, OK. Being a responsible person can be a tough job sometimes. Good on ya for giving it your best shot. I figured it would take about ten years to recover financially from divorce. So far, that's working about right. Cash flow is still tight but assets are looking good. Hopefully, the economy will continue to improve and interest rates will stay low. Work your plan and fuggetabout the ex. He's a zero now. Good luck. Thank you. It just helps sometimes to get some sage words from someone who's been through the same. Appreciate it. 1
Mr. Lucky Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 Between the stuff he didn't pay, plus the legal costs of him not paying it (just found out recently myself - he must have hidden bills) I now owe nearly £10,000. I have to pay large monthly installments. Don't know the specifics of the laws where you live but is personal bankruptcy not an option? Mr. Lucky
BustedUpInside Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 That is terrible! I went through something similar recently. It was like a triple knife in the gut. Not only do I get dumped, but I also get saddled with a bunch of debt, and last I get to feel bad about myself for being "duped". What helped was what a friend told me in response to me complaining about the whole situation. She said: 1) Him dumping you was obviously a favor. You should be grateful that you won't have to incur anymore debt. Just think if it would have gone on for a few more years. You would probably owe enough to buy a house. 2) Owing that much on someone else's behalf is definitely not fair, but life isn't fair. We all have unexpected burdens and in the end it will teach you more fiscal responsibility than you would have learned otherwise. Think how you will be when this is over. Won't you pay all your bills on time? Won't you have savings? Won't you plan better for the future? The answer was yes to all these questions. My friend was right again! 3) She said I shouldn't feel bad for being a trusting person. It is perfectly normal to assume that I should be able to rely on the person that I am in love with. Just because he couldn't be a good person, was no reason for me to lower my standards for myself. I realized that this experience, while being difficult and irritating, would ultimately teach me how to be a better person. I hope that you will have some good luck in the future and that you will have the prosperity that was denied to you by a selfish ex! 1
Shocked Suzie Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 Hey all, I guess I'm just writing this today because it's been a tough day. Nearly six months of separation, over 60 days NC - maybe closer to 90, not sure. Felt I went through a fairly linear grieving process, but obviously sometimes the depression will come back and bite you on the butt. I know six months doesn't sound like a long time, but the relationship was dead for a good couple of years before we ended it, so I've been grieving it for a while. I knew the ex was a compulsive liar. I knew he was pretty good for nothing. Turns out he'd lied for years about paying utilities etc. Between the stuff he didn't pay, plus the legal costs of him not paying it (just found out recently myself - he must have hidden bills) I now owe nearly £10,000. I have to pay large monthly installments. I'm angry. I can't make him pay for it - leagally, it would cost more, and he can't afford it anyway. He used to tell everyone (when he was drunk) that I was a 'kept woman' and that he paid for everything. It wasn't true then, and he was obviously paying for nothing anyway. What a terrible person. Feeling kind of lonely and stuff today though. I was thinking how sad it is that your best friend becomes your greatest adversary. It's so hard to be alone. I don't miss him, but I miss a relationship. I can understand and sympathize with you, I too am in this frustrating situation...unfortunately much deeper. It baffles me how someone that managed out money nearly all our married life can stuff up so bad...at the end of all this I will end up penniless or bankrupt not sure of the outcome yet..but sadly it looks grim. I have learnt a valuable lesson 'trust only yourself' with money. After the realization/shock of the total lifestyle change we are on the verge of having, there is nothing to do but except it and try to better yourself over the years. I'm pretty angry he allowed our situation to spiral as he did with out asking for help or telling me...I found out by unknown visa card bills I found and then it all unfolded from there. Your not alone I know how frustrating it is...some countries 'not sure where you are' do allow you to pay off small amounts at a time, might help the pressure of paying it off? SS x 1
Shocked Suzie Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 Hey all, I guess I'm just writing this today because it's been a tough day. Nearly six months of separation, over 60 days NC - maybe closer to 90, not sure. Felt I went through a fairly linear grieving process, but obviously sometimes the depression will come back and bite you on the butt. I know six months doesn't sound like a long time, but the relationship was dead for a good couple of years before we ended it, so I've been grieving it for a while. I knew the ex was a compulsive liar. I knew he was pretty good for nothing. Turns out he'd lied for years about paying utilities etc. Between the stuff he didn't pay, plus the legal costs of him not paying it (just found out recently myself - he must have hidden bills) I now owe nearly £10,000. I have to pay large monthly installment I'm angry. I can't make him pay for it - leagally, it would cost more, and he can't afford it anyway. He used to tell everyone (when he was drunk) that I was a 'kept woman' and that he paid for everything. It wasn't true then, and he was obviously paying for nothing anyway. What a terrible person. Feeling kind of lonely and stuff today though. I was thinking how sad it is that your best friend becomes your greatest adversary. It's so hard to be alone. I don't miss him, but I miss a relationship. I can understand and sympathize with you, I too am in this frustrating situation...unfortunately much deeper. It baffles me how someone that managed out money nearly all our married life can stuff up so bad...at the end of all this I will end up penniless or bankrupt not sure of the outcome yet..but sadly it looks grim. I have learnt a valuable lesson 'trust only yourself' with money. After the realization/shock of the total lifestyle change we are on the verge of having, there is nothing to do but except it and try to better yourself over the years. I'm pretty angry he allowed our situation to spiral as he did with out asking for help or telling me...I found out by unknown visa card bills I found and then it all unfolded from there Your not alone I know how frustrating it is...some countries 'not sure where you are' do allow you to pay off small amounts at a time, might help the pressure of paying it off? SS x
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