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Why?

 

After 1 month NC I saw him today. We've had sex, of course, it's the only thing he wants from me. Why I keep hurting me so much? (It's me, not him!)

Why I keep putting myself in this kind of situations?

 

I was OK after 1 month. I was doing fine, I felt fine, everything was coming back to normal.

Then, I contacted him. and we arranged to meet today.

Of course, after sex, I left his home completely EMPTY. And so sad. We spent a good time (sex wasn't good, we were both disengaged, I didn't really feel like I wanted to have sex, I needed COMFORT, which I did not get).

He told me about this woman he's after (and because I asked him to tell me). He told me she looks for him, but that nothing more happens. He wants her, yet she only flirts with him.

Then, I related their situation to our situation, that I wanted him yet he is not into me, and how he wants this other woman but he's not into him, and he understood, I think.

 

I left with nothing. I left broken. I'm worst than 1 month ago, much, much worse. I said goodbye to him like if it were the last time. Like a closure.

Closures doesn't work. closures are like vomit, that's so true.

 

I feel weak, I feel sick, I feel rejected again, I feel unlovable, I feel in a nightmare again. I want to change my number, I want to disappear, I need to forget about all this. Why I keep hurting me? Why???

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