mahon451 Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 [sIZE=2]So, yeah, hi. This is my first real "post" here, after about a month or so of lurking. I have to say, this forum has helped me out a lot- your war stories have done a few things for me: first, reassured me that my situation is not at all unique. Second, it's given me a clever acronym to apply to something that I've had to deal with over the years from both significant others and myself (GIGS, baby!). And third, even in the throes of heart-shredding breakups, a lot of you are very insightful. So yahoo for you guys. Because you've all been so helpful (even if you didn't know it), I feel like it's time to share my own tale of love gone south. I'll try to be concise. Me: 32, office-worker by day, musician by night. Good-looking, gainfully employed, well-adjusted and level-headed. Her- also 32, stage manager for a theater company located 2 hours away from me. Gorgeous, but broke, commitment-phobic, and wishy-washy... but otherwise wonderful. My groundedness help keep her realistic, and her easygoing attitude helped me stay loose. We complemented each other well for over a year, had an amazing relationship (we are both emotionally very open), amazing sex, and had lots of fun together. While she was on an extended break from her normal job, she stayed with me for 1 month, and tooka gig as a stage manager for a show in the city. She befriended the cast, and they would always hang out after rehearsals and performances. Oftentimes, she wouldn't get home until 3 am. I thought nothing of this- I'm not the jealous type, and she had always proven to be trustworthy. And then the show ended, and it was time for her to go back to her regular job. One week later, we talked on the phone. Long story short, she broke up with me, citing a bunch of "little" problems. She said she wasn't quite sure herself why she wanted to break up, but that she still loved me. I went LC for the next couple of weeks, and spent a lot of time cycling through the following: freaking out, crying, panic attacks, not eating, drinking like a fish, going to the gym 7 days a week, rationalizing, putting her up on a pedestal, drunkenly calling friends... I was a mess. Then she texted me saying that she started dating one of the cast members of the show she was working while staying with me, and that they had started dating about 2 days after we broke up. Immediately, I blocked her on FB, deleted her contact info from my phone, and went full-on NC. Two months passed. I was improving remarkably, though still pretty sad. I started to get into amazing shape, I moved into a new place, got a promotion at work, and generally just started getting my s**t back in order. Then I got a text from her sister (who I am sort of friends with), telling me that things weren't working out with the new guy, and that I should call her. Big. F**king. Mistake. I should have maintained NC. Instead, I called. That led to us meeting up. Which led to an emotionally-charged conversation in which I found out that: she was seeing ANOTHER guy in addition to the one she dumped me for, she wasn't ready for ANYTHING serious, she still loved me and missed me, and she was considering me as a future husband when she WAS ready for commitment. I bought it. I fell for it like a chump. Then, she gets all distant (big shocker, right?). After a few weeks of texts here and there, she asks me to stop trying to get her back and to leave her alone (keep in mind, I sent her maybe 5 texts, NOT ONE of which had anything to do with trying to "get her back"). I go NC again, because at that point I was starting to feel myself slip back into freakout mode, and I wasn't interested in derailing myself any further. My birthday rolled around, and she texted me to wish me a happy birthday. Yesterday, we talked on the phone, and kept it to mostly small talk. It was nice, but also sort of awkward. Now, I've had some flings since the breakup, and I've started to "see" someone (in the loosest sense of the word), but I am still fairly hung up on the ex. Point being... advice/thoughts, anyone? And please be cordial- I've already been kicking my own proverbial junk plenty here, and I don't need any more of that. [/sIZE]
TaraMaiden Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 It's very simple. Go No Contact, stay No Contact, do not reply, delete, block and deny. NEXT!! 1
Zahara Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 She's no good for you. NC. I don't know what else you need in terms of advice. You yourself said it was a big F****** mistake that you broke NC the first time. 1
BustedUpInside Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 Oh man. Those confession conversations are the worst! You think you know all the horrible details and then there is always another shoe to drop. Some of my ex's must have been f$%king octopuses because there was always more shoes and terrible news. That being said, it really does seem like you have a pretty good handle on yourself. You recognize her for the emotionally stunted, manipulative, selfish girl that she is. I am also sorry to say that if you aren't "emotionally ready" to start being honest in a relationship by the age of 32 (that's my age!) then I don't think it is very likely that this will ever be a life lesson that she will get. Just keep putting yourself first. You deserve to be happy and not be put through some emotional roller coaster by someone who is old enough to know that this kind of behavior is hurtful. You seem like you are on the right track, so just keep going and I promise that pretty soon you will be thinking back on her with pity because she missed out and I can't imagine her story turning out as well as yours will. 1
Author mahon451 Posted May 29, 2013 Author Posted May 29, 2013 You seem like you are on the right track, so just keep going and I promise that pretty soon you will be thinking back on her with pity because she missed out and I can't imagine her story turning out as well as yours will. It's weird, man. I thought that by this age, I'd be done with all this GIGS bulls**t. I learned a long time ago that the grass is greener where you water it (as I'd hope that most grown-ass adults have). I went into a relationship with her thinking that she was on the same level as I was... and for a year, it seemed like she was. Guess I was wrong. 2
aisuru Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 I hope you have a great pair of running shoes. RUN, RUN, RUN from this girl. You deserve better. What horrible awful overshare of information she provided to you. Ugh. There was no need for that. You already know No Contact going forward. Vent away here. It's a great group of folks here.
SadHumiliated Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 [sIZE=2]So, yeah, hi. This is my first real "post" here, after about a month or so of lurking. I have to say, this forum has helped me out a lot- your war stories have done a few things for me: first, reassured me that my situation is not at all unique. Second, it's given me a clever acronym to apply to something that I've had to deal with over the years from both significant others and myself (GIGS, baby!). And third, even in the throes of heart-shredding breakups, a lot of you are very insightful. So yahoo for you guys. Because you've all been so helpful (even if you didn't know it), I feel like it's time to share my own tale of love gone south. I'll try to be concise. Me: 32, office-worker by day, musician by night. Good-looking, gainfully employed, well-adjusted and level-headed. Her- also 32, stage manager for a theater company located 2 hours away from me. Gorgeous, but broke, commitment-phobic, and wishy-washy... but otherwise wonderful. My groundedness help keep her realistic, and her easygoing attitude helped me stay loose. We complemented each other well for over a year, had an amazing relationship (we are both emotionally very open), amazing sex, and had lots of fun together. While she was on an extended break from her normal job, she stayed with me for 1 month, and tooka gig as a stage manager for a show in the city. She befriended the cast, and they would always hang out after rehearsals and performances. Oftentimes, she wouldn't get home until 3 am. I thought nothing of this- I'm not the jealous type, and she had always proven to be trustworthy. And then the show ended, and it was time for her to go back to her regular job. One week later, we talked on the phone. Long story short, she broke up with me, citing a bunch of "little" problems. She said she wasn't quite sure herself why she wanted to break up, but that she still loved me. I went LC for the next couple of weeks, and spent a lot of time cycling through the following: freaking out, crying, panic attacks, not eating, drinking like a fish, going to the gym 7 days a week, rationalizing, putting her up on a pedestal, drunkenly calling friends... I was a mess. Then she texted me saying that she started dating one of the cast members of the show she was working while staying with me, and that they had started dating about 2 days after we broke up. Immediately, I blocked her on FB, deleted her contact info from my phone, and went full-on NC. Two months passed. I was improving remarkably, though still pretty sad. I started to get into amazing shape, I moved into a new place, got a promotion at work, and generally just started getting my s**t back in order. Then I got a text from her sister (who I am sort of friends with), telling me that things weren't working out with the new guy, and that I should call her. Big. F**king. Mistake. I should have maintained NC. Instead, I called. That led to us meeting up. Which led to an emotionally-charged conversation in which I found out that: she was seeing ANOTHER guy in addition to the one she dumped me for, she wasn't ready for ANYTHING serious, she still loved me and missed me, and she was considering me as a future husband when she WAS ready for commitment. I bought it. I fell for it like a chump. Then, she gets all distant (big shocker, right?). After a few weeks of texts here and there, she asks me to stop trying to get her back and to leave her alone (keep in mind, I sent her maybe 5 texts, NOT ONE of which had anything to do with trying to "get her back"). I go NC again, because at that point I was starting to feel myself slip back into freakout mode, and I wasn't interested in derailing myself any further. My birthday rolled around, and she texted me to wish me a happy birthday. Yesterday, we talked on the phone, and kept it to mostly small talk. It was nice, but also sort of awkward. Now, I've had some flings since the breakup, and I've started to "see" someone (in the loosest sense of the word), but I am still fairly hung up on the ex. Point being... advice/thoughts, anyone? And please be cordial- I've already been kicking my own proverbial junk plenty here, and I don't need any more of that. [/sIZE] Your ex is an ******* who needs to get her **** together. 32 and acting like a damn teenager. You are so soooooo out of this gal's league. NC all the way!
Recommended Posts