Phantom888 Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 Hello... I'm new here. Brief background: I'm 38 male, divorced, accounting/finance professional, 2 small children. Divorced for 3 years, and 2 relationships during these 3 years. The relationships just didn't work out. Last week I went on a 1st date with a woman I met on a dating site. For the first time in my life, I am completely smitten. She is gorgeous, smart, career oriented, a good mom, and we have much in common. Before the date, we chatted on the phone 2 times. 1st time was for 3 hours, and 2nd time was 2.5 hours. Last night I called her just to say good night, and it lasted 30 minutes. We kissed passionately on the 1st date, and almost had sex, but decided to wait because we want to get to know each other better. Question: I really like this woman, and I think the feeling is mutual. When would be an appropriate time to suggest being "exclusive"? I don't want to rush things, but I also want to have a goal in this relationship. I don't think she is dating multiple people, but I know she still gets emails from people on the dating site, as do I. I told her yesterday that I am closing my account on the dating site because I'm done searching. She sounded happy about that. We are going to a nice restaurant for our 2nd date this weekend. I never believed in love at first sight, but this experience has been so unusual for me. Any insight would be much appreciated.
clia Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 I think bringing up exclusivity after 3-4 weeks of dating is fine. Then you aren't rushing it too much, but you aren't waiting too long either. Sometimes you just know you want to focus on one person. But I do think there is something to be said for being a little patient with it and not bringing it up immediately. Maybe just wait another week or two to have the discussion. 1
Author Phantom888 Posted May 29, 2013 Author Posted May 29, 2013 Now I'm wondering if my move was too bold when I told her I closed my dating site account because I'm not looking anymore. Damn... that's too obvious. She sounded happy, but maybe due to feeling flattered. I also mentioned that I am not trying to rush things... I'm just doing this because I'm trusting my instincts, and I don't want to approach other women when I'm trying to get to know her. Is this too blunt for 1-week, post-1st-date communication? Ladies please chime in.
Author Phantom888 Posted May 29, 2013 Author Posted May 29, 2013 I think she may want to sleep with me in the upcoming weeks. I mean, the 1st date was so great we almost had sex. She told me she was really attracted to me, and I felt comfortable expressing my feelings towards her. Would it be advisable to NOT have sex until I know we are exclusive? She knows I really like her, so she shouldn't feel rejected if I want to wait for sex....I'm assuming. I just don't feel comfortable having sex without being exclusive first. She's not the type to sleep around..... I just don't want to invest so much emotion in a non-exclusive relationship. Damn..I feel like I'm such a newbie. Dating was so different 20 years ago. That's what I get for being married so young.
Author Phantom888 Posted May 29, 2013 Author Posted May 29, 2013 I don't think I could be in a relationship with a woman who I just had sex with so soon. I just wouldn't be able to truly respect her. At least wait 8 weeks if you're seeing her often enough. Personally I rather wait 4 to 6 months but most people can't wait that long. I don't see the big deal though, two people still can kiss, cuddle,etc while they wait. I totally I agree... I really want this to work. Never ever felt like this about any woman, not even my kids' mom. I am gonna do whatever it takes. Girls like this don't come along very often. The chemistry is amazing. 1
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