LePaix Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 The back story is that I've been seeing my coworker for about a year. Sleeping together, talking every day, feeding him meals, and staying over 2-5 nights a week. I've pressed the relationship issue before and he avoided it. To be fair, he's a not a bad guy. I think mostly he's just in the stage of his life where he doesn't actually know what he wants. Regardless, I found out he's been kind of seeing someone else so I pretty much broke it off. Expressed my feelings for him, explained why I was so hurt and made a clean and graceful departure. I wouldn't be as upset if weren't for the things he said in the past. He said things that made it appear that he was emotionally involved and I feel led on. He tried to reconcile the friendship, but I felt too hurt and got emotional. He said he cares about me blah,blah, blah. Upon discussion with a friend of his that has known him for 8 years I found that his friends are equally confused by his behavior because he's really just not that kind of guy. So I guess at least I'm not the only one confused? When I broke off contact I told him that he may text me if he wants to, but that I will not be trying to contact him. I thought I should at least leave a door open. I've been in NC for four days and we have to work together for the rest of the week. One, some advice on how to deal with this at work would be super. Two, I childishly want to know if anyone thinks he will miss what we had and see the error of his ways.
aisuru Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 Hopefully Simon Phoenix doesn't mind me copying/pasing this quote of his from another thread: ""2) For most men, the way they feel about a woman is set in stone from the moment they first sleep with them. If a man really adores you and loves you and wants you to be a long-term girlfriend before he sleeps with you, he'll continue to up the ante in the relationship after you have sex. If he saw you as a casual friends-with-benefits, then that's all you'll be from there on out. If, like in your case, he sees you as a cool girl to hang out with but doesn't think it'll go to the next level, that's where it will remain. Having sex with a man will not make him fall in love with you if he wasn't in love with you before -- it will just make him want to have sex with you. "" from this thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/396971-second-chances-heck-i-m-my-sixteenth-4.html#post4924895 I think that pretty much sums up your situation. I think you need to ignore him. Consider getting a job elsewhere. Because it's not going to be fun seeing him every day and knowing he chose a relationship with somebody else over you. I hope you are able to heal gracefully.
Treasa Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 This might come across as mean, but...I don't think he did anything wrong. You pressed for a relationship, he avoided the discussion, and despite feeling like you had more than you actually did (which is on you), you two weren't really more than FWB. You are politely being a doormat, almost. Telling him he can text you? Come on. You're practically begging without verbally begging, but he still sees it for what it is. He knows he could have you back sleeping with him or feeding him. Be polite, focus on your work, and consider getting another job. And if you can't handle confrontation and getting answers as to where you actually stand with a guy, don't sleep with him if it causes you emotional pain.
Author LePaix Posted May 29, 2013 Author Posted May 29, 2013 (edited) I'm not mad at him, and I don't think he really did anything wrong. We're not together so he can see whomever he wants, I just refuse to sit around and be a back burner option. That's why I cut it off. As for the allowing him to text bit, I'm dead serious about what I want and stubborn as hell. If he wants to talk, we'll talk. If he wants to hang out, we will, publicly. I refuse to allow him to try and be intimate with me and I refuse to sleep over. I left the line open in case he might decide he does actually want this situation to be a relationship or if I can emotionally handle a healthy platonic friendship, otherwise I'm through trying. What I mean I guess is that I've come to terms with the fact that I need to move on like he's gone forever, though deep down I care deeply for him and I want him to have a change of heart. It's just a tough situation to face and I'm having that earlier stage of letting go anxiety where I want to hope that it'll work out the way I want. Edited May 29, 2013 by LePaix
scorpio1978 Posted June 5, 2013 Posted June 5, 2013 Hopefully Simon Phoenix doesn't mind me copying/pasing this quote of his from another thread: ""2) For most men, the way they feel about a woman is set in stone from the moment they first sleep with them. If a man really adores you and loves you and wants you to be a long-term girlfriend before he sleeps with you, he'll continue to up the ante in the relationship after you have sex. If he saw you as a casual friends-with-benefits, then that's all you'll be from there on out. If, like in your case, he sees you as a cool girl to hang out with but doesn't think it'll go to the next level, that's where it will remain. Having sex with a man will not make him fall in love with you if he wasn't in love with you before -- it will just make him want to have sex with you. "" from this thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/396971-second-chances-heck-i-m-my-sixteenth-4.html#post4924895 I think that pretty much sums up your situation. I think you need to ignore him. Consider getting a job elsewhere. Because it's not going to be fun seeing him every day and knowing he chose a relationship with somebody else over you. I hope you are able to heal gracefully. I don't agree with this very much. In many cases, yes, this is true, but it's not that solid. I met a man who I was insanely attracted to and we actually have a verbal agreement to have a fling and nothing more. No strings attached free for all. 10 months this went on and when he had to relocate for another job, he told me he will forever regret not taking me with him, telling me I would make and awesome wife and mother and he knows he will never find anyone like me. I had a few situations like this. Others have been awful, but many pretty darn good and sex did bring us together.
aisuru Posted June 5, 2013 Posted June 5, 2013 I don't agree with this very much. In many cases, yes, this is true, but it's not that solid. I met a man who I was insanely attracted to and we actually have a verbal agreement to have a fling and nothing more. No strings attached free for all. 10 months this went on and when he had to relocate for another job, he told me he will forever regret not taking me with him, telling me I would make and awesome wife and mother and he knows he will never find anyone like me. I had a few situations like this. Others have been awful, but many pretty darn good and sex did bring us together. You just proved the point of the quote. Look, men, and women, say **** to make you feel better about what they're doing to you or using you for. That's just the reality. I don't know many men in particular who take a FWB to relationship. It statistically just does not happen. No matter how amazing the woman is.
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