ditzchic Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 I have a situation with an ex. We broke up 2 years ago and about a year ago reconnected as friends. We have been pretty good friends and we both still have (or at least had) feelings for each other. It was totally evident. We've seen each other a few times, we talked on at least a weekly basis and everything was fun. We've even talked about getting back together but there's a distance issue (I ended up moving a few hours away) and honestly, I was totally in love with him. He is a high stakes game for me and I don't know if I'm ready for it. Now, I haven't heard from him in 2 weeks so I did a little poking around on facebook. Terrible idea. He's seeing someone. Why is he now ignoring me? Why hasn't he told me? Through the course of our friendship he has told me about other girls he likes, he's told me about dates he's been on. We talk about everything. And now.... nothing.... Our last real conversation was him sarcastically complaining about how I don't want to admit that we are really good friends. He wouldn't let me get off the phone until I said the words to him. Really good friends don't not tell each other stuff like this? Amiright?
Emilia Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 Why is he now ignoring me? Why hasn't he told me? Through the course of our friendship he has told me about other girls he likes, he's told me about dates he's been on. We talk about everything. And now.... nothing.... Our last real conversation was him sarcastically complaining about how I don't want to admit that we are really good friends. He wouldn't let me get off the phone until I said the words to him. Really good friends don't not tell each other stuff like this? Amiright? He is ready to move on fully ditzchic I'm sorry. He wants a clean slate. His loyalties lie with someone else now. 2
emmalynro Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 Consider yourself lucky: you've got a guy who has been utterly and completely unambiguous about his feelings. He made you repeat the words "really good friends". In this case that doesn't mean you're really good friends, it means he has no romantic interest in you. He wanted you to be absolutely clear that it was over and he wasn't interested. Now he seems to think that you don't get it, and so he's disconnected. Mentally thank him for being so clear and move on. 1
BustedUpInside Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 Consider yourself lucky: you've got a guy who has been utterly and completely unambiguous about his feelings. He made you repeat the words "really good friends". In this case that doesn't mean you're really good friends, it means he has no romantic interest in you. He wanted you to be absolutely clear that it was over and he wasn't interested. Now he seems to think that you don't get it, and so he's disconnected. Mentally thank him for being so clear and move on. I completely agree with this post. He wanted to be friends. He has now met someone that he would like to have a romantic relationship with. Is going to spend all of his free time with her now. Reiterates that he only wants to be friends with you. I know that it isn't what you want, but it is the reality of the situation. Hopefully you can move on too.
Author ditzchic Posted May 30, 2013 Author Posted May 30, 2013 Consider yourself lucky: you've got a guy who has been utterly and completely unambiguous about his feelings. He made you repeat the words "really good friends". In this case that doesn't mean you're really good friends, it means he has no romantic interest in you. He wanted you to be absolutely clear that it was over and he wasn't interested. Now he seems to think that you don't get it, and so he's disconnected. Mentally thank him for being so clear and move on. Under normal circumstances, I would completely agree with this. But it really doesn't fit this situation. I never once ever initiated contact with him since our reconnection. For a year. Not once did I initiate. It was him making the phone calls, doing the texting, inviting me out. It was always him. It was also him attempting the booty calls and him doing all the reminiscing. I was tepid towards his advances at best. Because I didn't want to end up back here in this situation. Which inevitably I have. He was interested at some point. There is absolutely no doubt about that. But you are right. The best thing to do is move on. Regardless of what could be running through his head. So that is what I shall do.
emmalynro Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 He spent a year trying to get you to have casual sex with him. That's not interest, that's casual sex. And it sucks. You should feel good about washing your hands of this one.
inaya42 Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 (edited) in that case, he may not have told you because he wants to keep you as a backup. it is easy as an ex to presume that the new person whom our ex is seeing is going to be the next partner. this is rarely, rarely the case. people date, hookup, have flings, have fwb's, get really excited only to have things fizzle. not being kept in the loop of your ex's romantic and sexual activities may not mean what you think it means. (i share information about seeing someone new only with exes i absolutely DON'T want EVER again...) so, given what you say about his year-long pursuit, it more likely means that he wants to keep you where you are. just give it time. if he disappears completely, well then you know what happened... Edited May 30, 2013 by inaya42
mbee Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 I agree. He hasn't told you because he doesn't want to lose you. My ex is seeing someone else and left me to be with that person. The ONE thing he did and STILL does is not admit to anything! He admitted they kissed drunkenly but denies having sex. Now when I ask, he says it's none of my business and when I ask if they are trying to be together, he says "he will not tell me, and I shouldn't be concerned with his life." He is doing this while giving me clear mixed signals. As you might be able to tell from second chances, knowing how many partners your ex was with during a breakup and what they did are huge problems with reconciliation. HE knows that. He could tell you about dates and less serious stuff because nothing happened at all and he could always pull the whole, "I always knew you were the one" card. Now that he's in a relationship, he can't do that. He's also disconnected cause he knows it's unfair to the other girl to keep talking with you like that. I wouldn't wait around for this guy. I know it's been 2 years since the BU but if he wanted you and only you, he would have made a clear attempt by now. He's still wanting to play the field and honestly, you've taken the role of someone who will always be around waiting for him. That may sound romantic but it will leave you unfulfilled and just like those sad romance movies, you don't want to wind up watching your "friend" getting married to the love of his life while asking you to organize the wedding decorations because you are a really good friend.
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