Aicha Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 i am not sure if i should pay for flights, my SO always pays for flights and everything. i am starting to feel stingy. i dont buy him gifts or anything bcause i have been brought up to believe the man does all of that and women should not buy things for men. he is from the same culture where men support women. but should i start offering to pay for my next flight? i do work so i can afford it. i dont want him to start thinking i am using him or taking advantage. what do you guys think?
Els Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 I'm from a culture where men pay for women too. However I honestly feel that us women should offer sometimes (even if many of my girlfriends don't). At least, I used to, back when we were in the Dating stage, though I was often summarily turned down. 2
Author Aicha Posted May 29, 2013 Author Posted May 29, 2013 elswyth thanks for your reply, i am sure he may turn down my offer to pay..but i will try to pay myself as its early in the relationship. are you guys together now or still ldr?
Els Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 We did LDR for 2 years. Then we reunited 3 years ago. Still together now. 1
Pyro Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 Can't hurt to offer. You are a 'team' so expenses should be shared, but if he says no at least you asked. 4
CherryT Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 We both pay for our own flights usually. Sometimes he has paid for my flight. I am also from a culture where men expect women to expect them to pay for everything. I don't feel right having him pay for everything and I don't mind spoiling him as he always spoils me. Also we're trying to close the distance and there's a lot more pressure on him, finance wise and we're in this together. 1
Life'sGood Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 Wee usually split it. If he pay for the tickets, i will get the hotel or vice versa. I insist oh payung because I've always pay my own way. Sometimes, he will insist on paying everything! It's Better to offer.. And it will make You Feel good to contribute 1
carhill Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 but should i start offering to pay for my next flight? i do work so i can afford it. No need to offer. Merely log onto any airline web site and buy your own ticket, like millions of other people do every day. He'll get over it. 6
Author Aicha Posted May 29, 2013 Author Posted May 29, 2013 No need to offer. Merely log onto any airline web site and buy your own ticket, like millions of other people do every day. He'll get over it. yes sounds good, i will have to discuss with him first because of the nature of his job..see what he says about dates
cerridwen Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 Wee usually split it. If he pay for the tickets, i will get the hotel or vice versa. I insist oh payung because I've always pay my own way. Sometimes, he will insist on paying everything! It's Better to offer.. And it will make You Feel good to contribute I agree. I'm used to paying my own way and would feel I'm taking advantage if I only ever accepted things. We started by paying for our own tickets. Once we became exclusive, he bought mine a couple of times as a surprise. We're now splitting them mostly. It feels better this way. It feels more like team work. 2
justwhoiam Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 i am not sure if i should pay for flights You work, why shouldn't you pay for your own flights? Unless he's a millionnaire, in that case, he could pay for everything, he wouldn't even notice. i am starting to feel stingy. i dont buy him gifts or anything bcause i have been brought up to believe the man does all of that and women should not buy things for men. I have been brought up to believe you show others you care and give as a tangible sign you are caring. 'What' is not that important, it's more about the act of giving. If he's the kind of man who doesn't appreciate or notice this kind of things, I guess you're fine not giving anything and having him to pay for everything. he is from the same culture where men support women. I don't think the two concepts are strictly related. Presents, the giving is a way of showing you care, or that someone's in your heart at all times. Supporting or the financial side of it is a different matter. You can give your SO a special card, or other apparently insignificant (inexpensive) things that mean a lot to both of you. should i start offering to pay for my next flight? I don't think "offering" is the correct word in this case. Like: should I offer to buy my own clothes? I think you offer to pay for others, not for yourself. That's not offering. He can offer to pay for you. what do you guys think? So, does he say yes to whatever you feel like doing? Like: I want to spend 3 days at Disneyland... and he'll buy flight tickets, hotel, entrance, food and everything? Or: I want to dive at the Hawaii for a week, and he'll take care of everything from day 1 to day 7? I think you won the lottery, Aicha! 2
Author Aicha Posted May 29, 2013 Author Posted May 29, 2013 You work, why shouldn't you pay for your own flights? Unless he's a millionnaire, in that case, he could pay for everything, he wouldn't even notice. I have been brought up to believe you show others you care and give as a tangible sign you are caring. 'What' is not that important, it's more about the act of giving. If he's the kind of man who doesn't appreciate or notice this kind of things, I guess you're fine not giving anything and having him to pay for everything. I don't think the two concepts are strictly related. Presents, the giving is a way of showing you care, or that someone's in your heart at all times. Supporting or the financial side of it is a different matter. You can give your SO a special card, or other apparently insignificant (inexpensive) things that mean a lot to both of you. I don't think "offering" is the correct word in this case. Like: should I offer to buy my own clothes? I think you offer to pay for others, not for yourself. That's not offering. He can offer to pay for you. So, does he say yes to whatever you feel like doing? Like: I want to spend 3 days at Disneyland... and he'll buy flight tickets, hotel, entrance, food and everything? Or: I want to dive at the Hawaii for a week, and he'll take care of everything from day 1 to day 7? I think you won the lottery, Aicha! oh well looks like you have been paying for your own flights, sad times
justwhoiam Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 oh well looks like you have been paying for your own flights, sad times Actually he got my next flight, and your comment seems childish. 3
CherryT Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 oh well looks like you have been paying for your own flights, sad times Not sure how that's sad? I think independence is sexy. 3
Author Aicha Posted May 29, 2013 Author Posted May 29, 2013 Not sure how that's sad? I think independence is sexy. cheap men are not though
pteromom Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 If he enjoys paying for your flights, just chip in in other ways. Take him out to a nice dinner while you are visiting. Take him for a couples massage. Buy him a sweet gift - drop the notion that women don't buy things for men. Surely there is something you could buy him that he would appreciate, even if it is a bottle of wine you can share with him. 1
HeavenOrHell Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 Cheap women aren't either, I think it's selfish if a woman expects a man to pay for everything. cheap men are not though 3
Author Aicha Posted May 29, 2013 Author Posted May 29, 2013 If he enjoys paying for your flights, just chip in in other ways. Take him out to a nice dinner while you are visiting. Take him for a couples massage. Buy him a sweet gift - drop the notion that women don't buy things for men. Surely there is something you could buy him that he would appreciate, even if it is a bottle of wine you can share with him. he would never let me pay for any of those things! but i will bring him gifts next time he will have to accept
Author Aicha Posted May 29, 2013 Author Posted May 29, 2013 Cheap women aren't either, I think it's selfish if a woman expects a man to pay for everything. he is happy to pay i will offer as a gesture and pay for my next flight just because i dont want to take advantage. i personally stay away from men who let women pay for things erggggg What a joke
CherryT Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 cheap men are not though How does someone paying their own way make someone else cheap? I would say the most unattractive trait is entitlement. 3
Author Aicha Posted May 29, 2013 Author Posted May 29, 2013 How does someone paying their own way make someone else cheap? I would say the most unattractive trait is entitlement. i meant paying in general for dates etc
pteromom Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 he would never let me pay for any of those things! but i will bring him gifts next time he will have to accept How would he stop you? Tell him "I have a special surprise for you when I come out!" then tell him where to drive, and drive him to a hotel you've booked for the weekend, or to the restaurant you've booked. If he still insists on paying, fine, but at least you made the effort.
pteromom Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 i personally stay away from men who let women pay for things erggggg What a joke So are you setting him up? You say you stay away from men who let women pay, yet you say you feel guilty about him paying so you are gonna buy your own flight. I guess if he lets you do it, you can then stay away from him??? I'm confused. It sounds like you are in a perfect situation for you. You found a man who enjoys paying, and you like it when a man enjoys paying. So it is a win-win! Instead of feeling guilty, feel appreciative, and make sure you show him that you are. As long as you are putting effort into your relationship too and not just being a taker, just go with it and enjoy it! 1
Author Aicha Posted May 29, 2013 Author Posted May 29, 2013 So are you setting him up? You say you stay away from men who let women pay, yet you say you feel guilty about him paying so you are gonna buy your own flight. I guess if he lets you do it, you can then stay away from him??? I'm confused. It sounds like you are in a perfect situation for you. You found a man who enjoys paying, and you like it when a man enjoys paying. So it is a win-win! Instead of feeling guilty, feel appreciative, and make sure you show him that you are. As long as you are putting effort into your relationship too and not just being a taker, just go with it and enjoy it! well i have dated men who are lets just say culturally different and have made me pay for dinner drinks etc. with my current SO i am starting to feel stingy because he just wants to pay for everything, so i am suggesting perhaps its about time i show him i am not selfish and do not expect everything from him which would look cheap of me. i like to initiate it myself which i think is how it should be, if men dont like paying they shouldnt date in the first place. so im booking my next flight, would hate to take advantage
FitChick Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Depends on the situation. Is one of you much richer than the other? My ex paid for all of my flights because he was rich and I was poor. I made it up to him in other ways (ahem) and by paying for several meals when we were out and about. I often bought household items he needed, cooks meals when we stayed at his place, did some housework. He was used to having a full time wife handling those sorts of things and was appreciative. At least offer and then pay for small things while you are there.
Recommended Posts