Suave Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 I had an awesome ex that I eventually ended up taking for granted. Believe me, we do not even recognize that we are doing it until too much damage has been done (especially if she is not great at communicating her feelings.) It is a really relationship killer.
Divasu Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Ah...the never ending cycle of men and women not seeing eye to eye. Here's a funny: It's not about the nail!!
Els Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Oh my ...Congrats...You know every bits of me. Do you really think you have me all figured out ? Well I'd suggest you start acting like you don't know everything and everyone. What makes you think you can lecture people ? Do you think you can see me cristal clear ? Are you that full and yourself and dumb to truly believe that two posts from me equals you know me ? When I say i'm 82, that's a figure of speech, meaning I'm an old soul. And believe it or not, I'm not that naive. If you, poor woman, think that love is only happening between two people the same age, the same race, or only between a man and a woman, than I feel sorry for you, seeing how little you obviously know about life. People as narrow minded as you make me sick. I asked you nicely, please, do not judge. And here you go : "omg he was 32 when you were born". BOY HADN'T NOTICED THAT BEFORE YOU CAME ALONG !!!! **** we've been together two years...we've had each other back's through rough time....THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR OPENING MY EYES - Duh ! who do you think I am ? Does being 21 means being dumb to you ? It seems like it. Thank you for making my life better. Obviously, you feel the need to come say stuff I've known for ...hmmm...Almost two years. Not really smart. Well, thank you but if you can't read, don't answer the post. I'm done with your specific kind of people. I've met too much of them. Know that I might be 21, but traveled by myself around the states when I was 16. I was fluent in a few languages before you could talk. Now don't act all grown up on me. Lecture your kids all you want if you think you know better. But FORTUNATLY, I'm not one of them. And obviously, we haven't had the same life. And I'm kinda happy about it. wouldn't feel good about myself if I wasn't able to try to understand others... Well, it seems that you have decided what you are going to do. Tough love doesn't work on you, nice love doesn't work on you, and you have ignored everyone who points out the very obvious fact that this man puts on a charming act when he wants to keep you, and is ignorant and selfish during other times. Even putting age difference aside, that is enough cause for a mature woman to question her relationship. You... you ask how to get him to 'realize' that he has to be nicer to you to get you to stay, but you haven't even considered walking. No, I absolutely do not believe that love can only happen between two people of the same age or race (wtf is up with the race anyway? Did I say something against interracial Rs? ). However, if you but take a step back from your R and look at other 50+ year olds and 20+ year olds, you will see that they are in completely different stages of life and worlds. Hence the imbalance that you perceive in your R. Having traveled across several states in the same country and knowing more than one language does not make you the equivalent of a 50 year old internally. Sorry, but it really doesn't. I, and most people I know, traveled across the globe to countries with vastly different cultures in our early twenties, and lived there by ourselves, with zero initial support network, for years. But guess what - we were still in our early twenties! If you want to break this cycle, you need to be able to step outside and take a good look at yourself and your R. You seem to think that the only choice you have is between this man and 'other guys your age who will cheat on you and stomp on your heart'. When was the last time you even dated men your age? 18? You can continue to throw all the highschoolish tantrums at me that you want, INSERT CAPSLOCK if it makes you feel better. It won't change the fact that it's you who will have to live with the choices you make, not me.
Tinie Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 He's not the most stable guy ever. He has never been with a woman for over 4 years. He's selfish but adorable, funny, charming, caring...When he wants to be ! But it's always been like this : 1 step forward, 2 steps backward. How could I make him realize that i'm not his and that he has to be more caring if he wants me to stay? Hey there! As you may have noticed, people like to judge things and situations outside of the cultural norm. It's your life and decision who you are with. I'm an old soul too, and I do go for older guys (the oldest was a guy 10 years my senior). I think it's because you maybe can't really relate to people your age as easily as with older people. At least, that's what it's like for me. The biggest flag is that this guy is not stable and hasn't been able to find a stable relationship. If he was in his 20s, that would be ok, most people are usually experimenting at thot at age. But he's in his 50s. Think of how many women he's been through and not one has lasted for all too long! How do you know you'll last with him? His history is a big flag. It means that he's probably unable to commit. I think you deserve better. It's not his age that's a problem, it's his attitude/behaviour.
Els Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Hey there! As you may have noticed, people like to judge things and situations outside of the cultural norm. No. There was a fairly recent thread about women dating older men, and as I recall it, the vast majority of regular posters here, including myself, said that it was their choice as long as they were both happy, just be careful. In this case, the OP is not happy and it's quite obvious why. The only difference between some of our posts and yours, is that we see the huge age difference and its implications as part of the reason for the OP's bf's poor behaviour.
Cutiepie1976 Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 (edited) Elswyth is one of the most insightful, thoughtful posters on this forum. The fact that you are being so defensive says a lot. Look, the guy has been dating for thirty years. Your behavior, given your inexperience, is totally predictable. He's never had a long-term relationship for a reason. Partners start having expectations and making demands. They come with responsibilities. Now you're starting to make demands and have expectations. No fun! This is typically where men with his history start lining up the next conquest. Start focusing on your life and your career. What you have with him has an expiration date that is approaching. Unfortunately, you'll discover that you're expendable to him and since your life, from your description revolves around him right now, it's not going to be pretty. His taking his key back should have been your wakeup call. His attention has quite predictably moved elsewhere. Many have come before you in his dating life thinking it would be different with them. Nor are you likely to be the last special little snowflake that flits briefly through his life. May-December couples definitely happen and succeed. But those "Mr. Decembers" already have histories of mainly long-term relationships and marriages. They also don't troll for teenagers, which you were when you started dating. This guy has had a revolving door of women for 30+ years without a single one sticking for a long-term relationship. Demand away about how you deserve to be treated and make empty threats that you will leave otherwise. Has he put a ring on it in two years? No, he took the key away though. That should tell you something. Is he more or less attentive and engaged now? Totally predictable progression from you...hence your key is gone before the tantrums and "tiresome" demands begin. He has honed his craft when it comes to dating and breakups to a fine art. You will be out as smoothly and as easily as you came into his life from his perspective and he will move on to charm the panties off the next little snowflake. Not a ripple of turbulence on the surface of his life. As for your fertility? He has kids. He's not looking to have yours and get tied down with responsibility for another 20+ years. That's the antithesis of his carefree, fun lifestyle. That was the attraction--carefree, fun, undemanding, cute. Edited May 30, 2013 by Cutiepie1976 2
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