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The Ex's B-Day: 5 Months NC down the drain?

StraylightRun24

By StraylightRun24
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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StraylightRun24 Established Member

StraylightRun24

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Alright fellow loveshackers yesterday was my ex's birthday and I was obviously dreading it asking myself, "Should I wish her a Happy Birthday or shouldn't I," over the last few days. It also coincidentally was 5 months to the day that she ended our short but to me very real relationship and Tuesday nights were our unofficial date night (for the short time we dated we spent every Tuesday night together besides once when she was out of town and once when I was.)

 

So I had pretty much made up my mind that I would reach out to her one way or another and wish her one either via Facebook (yea we are still friends and if you are a recent dumpee I would advise at least taking them out of your newsfeed. Nothing good can come out of looking at that stuff) or through (gulp) an actual phone call. Instead of doing it immediately I reached out to a couple of friends who advised me not to do it because nothing would come out of it. I then decided to hold off until around late afternoon when she got off of work to let my friend's advice sink in a little more and then BAM a couple things hit me!

 

For one thing I realized I wanted to reach out to her and wish her a Happy Birthday because I was worried about what she would think if I didn't. I was worried that she would think I hate her or whatnot. That obviously couldn't be farther from the the truth and I SHOULDN'T wish her one because I'm still recovering from my heart break. This also led to realize that there was a possibility she actually just might not care if I wish her one.

 

Secondly I was scared that if i didn't reach out to her on her birthday it would be officially 100% done. Well guess what.....it's been 100% over since she uttered "I can't be your girlfriend anymore," back on December 28th. After that I texted my best bud that I wasn't going to do it and he told me he was proud of me and this is definitely making me a stronger person. I won't lie, I shed a few tears yesterday because I think I've finally started to accept that she's never coming back the way I want her to. :(

 

While I know my relationship wasn't nearly as long as a lot of you out there I just wanted to share my struggle yesterday to prove that we can all be strong and it's now about our well being. Not what they may or may not be thinking or feeling!

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McGriff Established Member

McGriff

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Straylight,

 

Your post gives me strength. Thank you. My ex's BD is Saturday, and while I've already made the decision not to acknowledge it, your story gives me even more strength. You did the right thing. And so will I. Thanks again for sharing.

KPChick000 Established Member

KPChick000

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My ex's birthday is in a month. And the same thoughts have run through my head (I'm dreading it already a month in advance). I don't want him to think that I hate him, but at the same time, he doesn't really deserve a birthday greeting from me. Not acknowledging his birthday is synonymous to not acknowledging his existence, but that is the step we need to take for now.

 

I once sent a birthday card to an older ex after we had broken up. And what I received back was a "Thank you for the card" text. No amount of thank you's or texts would have made me feel good at the time. I think you did the right thing.

aisuru Established Member

aisuru

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I don't think I have ever responded to an ex who messaged me on a birthday. Why would I? The exes who do it are trying to get me respond. Blech.

Giha Established Member

Giha

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Well done, man. Good for you. You did the right thing, hard as it was.

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StraylightRun24 Established Member

StraylightRun24

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McGriff,

 

I'm glad I could be of some help! I mean isn't that why we're all on this site to begin with? To lend support to other brokenhearted losers! :laugh: (And no I don't actually think we are losers!) Please try your hardest not to wish your ex a Happy Birthday this weekend. I've followed your story and from my outside observation she's thrown you one too many breadcrumbs! Stay strong McGriff. You'll probably have a few anxious moments when the b-day comes around but if you keep yourself busy you should be able to get through the day without doing it. Oh and great find with the post from two years ago. Spot on!

 

KPChick,

 

I was also struggling for a long time before the day approached. Much like you I kept on telling myself, "I don't want her to think that I hate her!" You know what though, that doesn't matter! I know that's not the case and I can't control what she may or may not think. I mean if I could I would have made sure she didn't break up with me because I honestly believe we had something really special forming (but don't we all think that :o). Much like with your previous ex the best case scenario most likely isn't worth the potential setback you get by sending them the birthday wish....

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StraylightRun24 Established Member

StraylightRun24

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I don't think I have ever responded to an ex who messaged me on a birthday. Why would I? The exes who do it are trying to get me respond. Blech.

 

And this also played a part in not doing it. That would have been one heck of a setback!

Treasa Established Member

Treasa

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I don't even know you, and I'm proud of you, too. :)

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IS IT Better late Established Member

IS IT Better late

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Stray my man!

 

I think you made the right call. Maybe she got a little disappointed that you didn't acknowledge her precious little birthday.

 

She's put you through so much pain, hopefully this makes her think wow that dude didn't even wish me a happy b-day. I guess he's moved on. Or maybe she doesn't care? Either way so what! Hopefully it did hurt her ego a bit.

 

If an ex wants us back nothing will stop them. Not receiving a text on her b-day won't change anything. So don't sweat that.

 

So after 5-months NC your still hurting? That sucks! I'm 3-months LC and still hurting. When and how does it end?

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StraylightRun24 Established Member

StraylightRun24

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Thanks for the kind words Giha and Treasa!

 

Better late,

 

Yea it definitely was the right call. As of right now I'm having a pretty good day. I don't want to get ahead of myself and say I've finally turned the corner, but for the first time in the last few weeks I'm actually thinking about myself in a positive light. She flat out told me she wasn't falling in love with me, which obviously hurts like hell, and I let her know that I felt she was worth fighting for, but how can you fight for someone when they tell you that? She knows how I felt about her and I have absolutely nothing to be ashamed about during the relationship and the BU. I gave her my all during the relationship and I conducted myself with maturity and dignity during the breakup.

 

I may be a rare case hurting 5 months after this praticular kind of relationship. I tend to be my harshest critic and definitely suffer from low self-esteem. I'm also going through a weird transitional period of my life where basically all my friends are in serious relationships or married and I'm actually in the process of moving out of state so I think that plays a part in all of this. PLUS for the longest time I've been the single friend and once I started dating my ex my friends where so thrilled, especially after they met her because they thought we were great together. We all now know how it unfortunately turned out! :lmao:

Antares Established Member

Antares

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StrayLight: I know exactly what you mean.

 

I was just dumped after a short 3.5 month relationship and even though it wasn't long lasting, there were genuine feelings there. We had everything in common - passions, ideals, hobbies, morals, etc. I felt like a true romantic friendship was budding. Last month, she called up crying and broke it off because things weren't working for her, even though she admitted to having feelings for me, etc. She was a shy, somewhat nervous gal, and I think that opening up and getting close filled her with anxiety. I handled the break up call well, with self respect, didn't plead, beg, or anything. Just told her how I felt and said that I wish her well. I've been NC since that call.

 

Her birthday is coming up in a month. A small part of my brain wants to say something. Just so she knows that communication is open. And I do truly wish her well. I hope things work out for her. Even if she's not with me. She was a great person. In the months that I got to know her, she's probably one of the most genuine, beautiful, caring persons I've ever met.

 

But I know better. I know that if she really wanted me to say Happy Birthday to her, she wouldn't have pushed me out of her life. If she really left like we had a budding romance, it would have overcome her anxiety.

 

And I know that if I post on FB on that day, she'd most likely respond and we'd probably even chat. The break up call lasted an hour and despite her tears, wasn't awkward or hard hitting. We're not enemies, she's not the villain of the story...she just didn't want to date anymore.

 

But... I won't be contacting her for any reason. I might wish her a happy birthday - when I'm alone, just to myself. If the universe is listening, it'll hear me whisper it, and perhaps it'll carry the wish forward and her day will be great. But she doesn't actually need to hear me say it to her, for the wish to be real.

 

Good luck man.

Edited by Antares
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StraylightRun24 Established Member

StraylightRun24

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StrayLight: I know exactly what you mean.

 

I was just dumped after a short 3.5 month relationship and even though it wasn't long lasting, there were genuine feelings there. We had everything in common - passions, ideals, hobbies, morals, etc. I felt like a true romantic friendship was budding. Last month, she called up crying and broke it off because things weren't working for her, even though she admitted to having feelings for me, etc. She was a shy, somewhat nervous gal, and I think that opening up and getting close filled her with anxiety. I handled the break up call well, with self respect, didn't plead, beg, or anything. Just told her how I felt and said that I wish her well. I've been NC since that call.

 

Her birthday is coming up in a month. A small part of my brain wants to say something. Just so she knows that communication is open. And I do truly wish her well. I hope things work out for her. Even if she's not with me. She was a great person. In the months that I got to know her, she's probably one of the most genuine, beautiful, caring persons I've ever met.

 

But I know better. I know that if she really wanted me to say Happy Birthday to her, she wouldn't have pushed me out of her life. If she really left like we had a budding romance, it would have overcome her anxiety.

 

And I know that if I post on FB on that day, she'd most likely respond and we'd probably even chat. The break up call lasted an hour and despite her tears, wasn't awkward or hard hitting. We're not enemies, she's not the villain of the story...she just didn't want to date anymore.

 

But... I won't be contacting her for any reason. I might wish her a happy birthday - when I'm alone, just to myself. If the universe is listening, it'll hear me whisper it, and perhaps it'll carry the wish forward and her day will be great. But she doesn't actually need to hear me say it to her, for the wish to be real.

 

Good luck man.

 

That's a really beautiful sentiment Antares!

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McGriff Established Member

McGriff

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Antares,

 

That last paragraph was like poetry. Nice!

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