SpiralOut Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 Is this something that happens with everyone? I've been shy for so long that I'm used to people not noticing me. Whenever I try and come out of my shell I get verbally attacked. It makes me feel like I can't be me. For example, - this weekend I went to a ladies meetup. As soon as I started to relax and just act like myself without thinking, the woman in charge got an angry look on her face and asked me if I was drunk. I was sitting there drinking iced tea in the middle of the afternoon. And she was one to talk, considering how she kept saying all sorts of weird things to everyone the entire time. She even ordered dessert for herself after we all said we were full so we got stuck sitting there watching her eat. - in the past I've made cupcakes and someone snarkily asked me if I am Martha Stewart - that crazy coworker who just had issues and only ever bullied me when I acted like myself. So long as I was quiet, she left me alone. There are other examples but those are the first ones to spring to mind. Has anyone else had this experience? I know that I shouldn't let it get to me, but it does. I know it's about the other person and not about me but I still can't help wondering if there's something about me that brings it on.
Roadkill007 Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 bad luck you're around people who project their issues onto others. Find people who enjoy hanging with you and vice versa. Although I suppose when you're working you can adopt the "professional" persona I suppose, to dodge most social friction. 2
BruinFan95 Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 Is this something that happens with everyone? I've been shy for so long that I'm used to people not noticing me. Whenever I try and come out of my shell I get verbally attacked. It makes me feel like I can't be me. For example, - this weekend I went to a ladies meetup. As soon as I started to relax and just act like myself without thinking, the woman in charge got an angry look on her face and asked me if I was drunk. I was sitting there drinking iced tea in the middle of the afternoon. And she was one to talk, considering how she kept saying all sorts of weird things to everyone the entire time. She even ordered dessert for herself after we all said we were full so we got stuck sitting there watching her eat. - in the past I've made cupcakes and someone snarkily asked me if I am Martha Stewart - that crazy coworker who just had issues and only ever bullied me when I acted like myself. So long as I was quiet, she left me alone. There are other examples but those are the first ones to spring to mind. Has anyone else had this experience? I know that I shouldn't let it get to me, but it does. I know it's about the other person and not about me but I still can't help wondering if there's something about me that brings it on. Martha Stewart shouldn't even bug you, that's a compliment. Just sarcastically reply, Yes im f-ing Martha Stewart, its why I bake so damn well! And look to the person next to you with a "is she for real :eye roll:" Until you're comfortable in your own skin, you can never be yourself. You can't please everyone but also look at it from their point of view. Not to say you're wrong but what if you're coming off poorly. As you said stated acted like yourself without thinking, you could've said something that came off poorly. People normally don't call others drunk without exhibiting something a drunk person would do. That insult wouldn't stick otherwise. I would say hang out with people similar to you and your taste. This will create confidence in yourself because you now know you aren't alone. And your not! Be strong!
Emilia Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 As soon as I started to relax and just act like myself without thinking, the woman in charge got an angry look on her face and asked me if I was drunk. what do you mean here exactly?
carhill Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 Probably has to do with being customarily perceived as shy. There's always a contingent who prefer that you remain in the corner with a lampshade on your head and provide scenery. Beat down a few of the loudmouths and they'll shut up. That's how men handle it anyway. 3
Author SpiralOut Posted May 29, 2013 Author Posted May 29, 2013 (edited) Martha Stewart shouldn't even bug you, that's a compliment. Just sarcastically reply, Yes im f-ing Martha Stewart, its why I bake so damn well! And look to the person next to you with a "is she for real :eye roll:" Until you're comfortable in your own skin, you can never be yourself. You can't please everyone but also look at it from their point of view. Not to say you're wrong but what if you're coming off poorly. As you said stated acted like yourself without thinking, you could've said something that came off poorly. People normally don't call others drunk without exhibiting something a drunk person would do. That insult wouldn't stick otherwise. I would say hang out with people similar to you and your taste. This will create confidence in yourself because you now know you aren't alone. And your not! Be strong! I can see how I may have come off poorly, but I was aware of it and I had even WARNED her ahead of time that I wasn't feeling my best. I was really exhausted and I'd told her that. I told her that because I wanted her to understand that so she wouldn't be surprised if I acted a little spaced out. Most people understand that when someone is tired, they act tired. That's why it shocked me that she insulted me that way. SHE was the one acting drunk, anyway, so I'm not upset by her insult so much as pissed off that she was being a hypocrite. She kept repeating herself over and over, only half-listening to people's conversations, asking the same questions, oversharing information, etc. what do you mean here exactly? I mean that I speak easily and comfortably without overanalyzing every single thing I say. I still monitor the way others react to me and I try to make sure I'm not insulting anyone. Edited May 29, 2013 by SpiralOut
Author SpiralOut Posted May 29, 2013 Author Posted May 29, 2013 Probably has to do with being customarily perceived as shy. There's always a contingent who prefer that you remain in the corner with a lampshade on your head and provide scenery. Beat down a few of the loudmouths and they'll shut up. That's how men handle it anyway. You mean they want me to just shut up so they can be the center of attention and make them look good by comparison? Like they just see me and think to themselves "oh good, there's someone I can feel better than" and when I start talking it messes up their plans?
Author SpiralOut Posted May 29, 2013 Author Posted May 29, 2013 bad luck you're around people who project their issues onto others. Find people who enjoy hanging with you and vice versa. Although I suppose when you're working you can adopt the "professional" persona I suppose, to dodge most social friction. Thanks. Yeah I'm in the processing of finding people to hang around with, so meeting new people means meeting a few bad apples.
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