LostCloud Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 I just joined this forum as i really needed to have someone else's opinion..so here's my story: About me: lost my virginity at almost 18, had few serious relationships, spent few years having just one-night stands. I have dumped guys, i have been dumped, i have been broken hearted...i guess i've done it all. I'm 30 by the way. I met this really nice guy, a year older than me, over 2 years ago, on a night out with friends. He's one of my friend's brother, and we got along well since the first moment. We kissed that night and then started dating for a couple of weeks. He invited me over for dinner, cooked me a really nice meal and after making out on the sofa we moved on the bed. He was really passionate and he was touching me and let me touching him...but at some point he said we needed to talk and he told me we were not going to go all the way, as he's a virgin by choice. Nothing to do with religion, he just wants to wait for the right one. I could have never guessed as he seemed experience in what it was doing so far. My first reaction was "why?" followed by a "what if you wait and then it still doesn't work?"....and all those sort of questions. He told me he had a couple of gfs but it had never felt right to do it with them. Anyway, we kind of stopped dating for a while, but we've always been close...until we started kissing again and "fooling around", which mainly means me touching him and not really him touching me. We get on really well and spend lots of time together, he's smart and witty and really good looking. He never even allowed me to go down on him, until 6 months ago, as he always said it was too intimate. Even though we spend hours in bed, touching each other, we usually sleep at mine at weekends. He told me that he loves, months ago, and i told him the same thing few weeks ago. I really do care a lot about him, and i do love him... but this situation is driving me crazy. We went away for a weekend, and the place was so romantic and perfect that we (he) decided to have anal sex. As it is not "regular sex", he was ok with it. it was my first time as well, so i though it would have been fair.... It was amazing, thing that i have never thought it would have been possible. We have done few other time, like 3 or so in the next 2 weeks. It's been a month now, but i feel like he's not really into it. I would have expected him to be up for it all the time, instead it's me asking for it... and it's now starting to be a problem. I don't know if it's because he's 31 and he's so not used to have sex that he's not really into it now. He's into everything else, i mean he can't keep his hands off me when we're together...but just it's just "superficial" touching. I don't know what to think. We talked, he told me he's happy with his decision to be a virgin, he doesn't regret it even if he have thought about having sex with me. But he also said that he's always thought he would have end up alone, and that i mean everything to him and he knows he's broken... We've been talking about lots of stuff, us living together, us having kids, buying a house... a bit fooling around, a bit serious... I am so confused. What if he's never going to be into sex, if we're ever going to do it? What if i wait and decide to be with him properly and he's never ready...am i not the one? Thanks to anyone who had the patience to read all of this! (and sorry for the mistakes, english is not my native language)
TaraMaiden Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 He has had sex with you. Please let's not split hairs and muddle semantics. He has had sex with you. Simply because he gave you anal sex, it doesn't make it any less, 'sex'. If you went down on him - that's sex too. What do you really feel like telling him? because if he's making you wait for vaginal sex but he's been 'all the way' with other forms... what.... do you think he might be gay? Or bisexual? Or just 'weird' about vaginal sex?? Trust me - he has HAD sex with you. The orifice is immaterial, because even vaginally, you'd take precautions and prevent a pregnancy... so it's just 'swapping one hole for another'.... I'm afraid I really wouldn't stand for his nonsense. Either he just throws it to the wind or - sorry - but I'd extricate yourself from this liaison. It's just bizarre.... 2
Author LostCloud Posted May 29, 2013 Author Posted May 29, 2013 He is not waiting for marriage.... @TaraMaiden: thanks... this situation is bizzare. the way i see it, he's not virgin anymore and we had sex. I'd rather do it the conventional way, but with him it's just anal, and not even so often... I don't think he's gay or bisex or something, i just don't know what to do with him... and i would like to know if there's someone else out there who think in the same way he does about sex, to try to understand.... Sometimes i think he's not completely "normal", even though he seems to be...
Eggplant Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 For whatever reason, he is holding on to his virginity obsessively. No judgment against him -- it's his prerogative. Let him find a woman who also enjoys being a virgin. There are plenty. Now you go find a man who lusts after you and who won't waste your youth.
Recommended Posts