MoonMan Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 My love life, or lack of rather, has been bothering me a lot lately. To start things out I'm pretty young (16 years old), I've never been in a relationship, and have yet to be kissed. I'm aware that at 16 maybe I shouldn't worry about it too much, but it seems like most of my peers have at least been kissed before and a lot of them have had a girlfriend already. What's even more bothersome is the fact I'm light years from either of those things. I'm not sure if its simply because I'm unattractive or undesirable, but girls seemingly pay no attention to me. I'm a relatively shy guy and when I do approach girls they seem to be...dismissive? I'm not sure how to describe it but they seem bothered by my presence most of the time and never talk to me unless I start the conversation myself. I find myself very anxious when I'm talking to girls, even unattractive ones, often stumbling over what to say next, when to make physical contact etc, etc. My question is, is this just the awkward stage of adolescence? Is there anything I could do to help at least become more noticeable to girls? I'm not overweight and I don't think I'm hideously ugly, but I'm fairly sure I'm not too good looking either. I'm certainly not ugly enough to be ignored by every member of the opposite sex...or am I? Women's standards confuse me and any insight on them would be great...
Roadkill007 Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 First of all, you're so young! No need to worry about this stuff! come back if you're in the same state 16 years later (no really, read other posts here on LS, you'll see what I mean). The biggest thing about how you're interacting with women... STOP THINKING SO MUCH! And stop being so serious about it. Just enjoy the interaction and go with the flow. If you don't, just move on. You can't please everyone, and if you try, you'll please no one. That's why people tell you "just be yourself". If you interact in a way you enjoy and are comfortable with, you'll meet people who enjoy those parts of you. Also, another thing to keep in mind is, a lot of girls your age probably don't even really know what they want in a guy. And you probably don't really know what you want in a girl either. It's just part of the learning and growing process as you all progress into becoming adults, not only physically, but also mentally. So basically, don't worry, have the guts to be yourself and keep your mind open so that you can learn and better yourself over time.
hppr Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 Well, you're completely normal for one. So you aren't doing anything wrong per se. If you want a leg up on the competition take two showers a day/wear cologne (to get rid of that teenaged STANK), pay attention to the clothes you wear/hair style, maybe work out a bit etc. Honestly some of the same rules you worry about when you're older and chasing girls just that when you are young how much $$$ you have, how big your house is, do you want kids, that stuff doesn't factor in. Girls your age are also very status-minded and constantly worry about who they're holding hands with or whatever so don't be surprised if you have some really really screwy interactions with them too. If you have some athletic ability trying out for a team might be an idea.
Ed the 3rd Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 I wouldn't worry. Like Hppr said work on yourself a little and build some confidence. Or you could do what I did and get drunk at a party for your first kiss.
Esoteric Elf Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 Glad you came here bro, advice like this: First of all, you're so young! No need to worry about this stuff! come back if you're in the same state 16 years later (no really, read other posts here on LS, you'll see what I mean). depending on the situation, especially if you are shy, can be irrelevant to some men. People might just dismiss it as a stage. Ah! He'll come out of his shell. I know of some men in their 40's and 50's who have yet "to come out of their shell"; I myself am 23. If conditioning and help had been provided at a young age, men like us would probably not be in a situation such as ours. Glad to came here: it is good to palliate conditions like this early. Yes, many of your peers have experimented and, in fact, based on the average age for first sexual encounter, you are right there. I would suggest a few things: 1. Get involved. Join a club, sport, social group, community service, something to get you out of your comfort zone and into the presence and joined effort of others. By working together and communicating on a regular basis, you will be more equipped to speak with girls. 2. Do you have sisters? Friends that are girls? I did not when I was young, but speaking to similarly aged girls will also bolster confidence and reduce timidness. 3. Take a job, a job in a small retail environment is ideal. Approaching people in a relaxed atmosphere will at least give you an edge at small talk. More experience should give you empathy and an idea of what people do and how they act under certain situations. Again, experience. You may not have to do anything; this may be merely a transitory stage. However, if it is not, prepare for some hard work on your part, as contemporary society does not treat shy men with any sort of leniency. HTH 1
Author MoonMan Posted June 3, 2013 Author Posted June 3, 2013 Glad you came here bro, advice like this: depending on the situation, especially if you are shy, can be irrelevant to some men. People might just dismiss it as a stage. Ah! He'll come out of his shell. I know of some men in their 40's and 50's who have yet "to come out of their shell"; I myself am 23. If conditioning and help had been provided at a young age, men like us would probably not be in a situation such as ours. Glad to came here: it is good to palliate conditions like this early. Yes, many of your peers have experimented and, in fact, based on the average age for first sexual encounter, you are right there. I would suggest a few things: 1. Get involved. Join a club, sport, social group, community service, something to get you out of your comfort zone and into the presence and joined effort of others. By working together and communicating on a regular basis, you will be more equipped to speak with girls. 2. Do you have sisters? Friends that are girls? I did not when I was young, but speaking to similarly aged girls will also bolster confidence and reduce timidness. 3. Take a job, a job in a small retail environment is ideal. Approaching people in a relaxed atmosphere will at least give you an edge at small talk. More experience should give you empathy and an idea of what people do and how they act under certain situations. Again, experience. You may not have to do anything; this may be merely a transitory stage. However, if it is not, prepare for some hard work on your part, as contemporary society does not treat shy men with any sort of leniency. HTH This is good advice, I actually have a few friends that are girls (mainly just childhood friends that already have boyfriends) who have just recently stated they don't find me attractive (I overheard one of their conversations during a class-group project) to which the other girls in their group agreed. I know it's just their opinion but it actually really pissed me off considering I try to take care of my appearance. I'm not short (I'm 5'9, so about average height I guess) nor am I overweight or riddled with acne. I'm starting to wonder if my physical appearance is the problem. I know I'm not the greatest looking guy, but I would like to think these girls (whom I've known for years) would attempt to back me up when it comes to people saying I'm unattractive. I am naturally a shy person, but I do try when I can. Whether it be talking to the girls near my desk, trying to connect to them on Facebook etc. Still, I get ignored most of the time and the comments about me being unattractive certainly don't help. If the problem is, in fact, my appearance I honestly don't know what to do about that at this point.
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