My ex ! me

[wascal]

Hi there,

 

This is going to be a crazy intense story but I have to get it off my chest and I need some peoples thoughts.

 

I have a boyfriend who i have been with for over five years, hes a great guy. But the relationship is safe, it wasn’t bad though. I just got bored. I know this is a normal feeling, to feel unappreciated and not attractive, not wanted. I was also very lonely. I had no friends or anybody to talk too. It was an outlet of many sources.

 

I met a guy; i told him i was single. We started to hang out and get to know each-other. Before i knew it, i was really falling for this guy. Really loving the feeling I got when we were together, but things started to get tricky to lie about. I wasn’t good at keeping everything on the d-low. He started to question things and because I had created a web of lies it was hard to get out. He brought me an engagement ring and we started to talk about our future. Then. The **** hit the fan.

He found out about my boyfriend.

 

The guy who I had the affair with was devastated. He asked me to move to him, to leave my life for him but he was starting to get quite nasty, I put it down to being hurt. But he got very nasty.

He started to try wrecking my boyfriend’s life and said horrible, horrible things to me. Things I would never repeat. This of Corse wrecked a lot of my feelings for him and I choose not to be with him.

I told my boyfriend about him also and after much time he forgave me and continued to love me.

 

He has finally stopped talking to me after much ignoring on my part. I just don’t know what to say. He doesn't even know what I know.

I feel haunted by him. He is in my dreams every night. I wonder if I made the right choice.

 

Anyway, back to the story. I recently entered his number into google because I guess I missed him. I was horrified to see what I found. I found him as a male escort for sex.

Now I feel disgusted, I have no idea when he started that. I know I’m “clean” but I feel disgusted that I still love him?

 

I don’t know what to feel. Please help me.

[happykat]

I really have no idea how to address the male escort question. But the other questions - you hurt this man deeply, and he reacted. You used him because you were bored. I don't blame him for saying horrible things to you. I think you should write him a letter apologizing and then leave him alone. You're lucky your bf forgave you.

[wascal]

I understand i am lucky. That is why i am trying to not be in contact with the guy due to the fact it would shatter my boyfriend and i don't want that guy hurting him.

 

I guess what i really am asking. Is should i leave this guy alone? or should i mention to him that i know about the escort thing after all the horrible things i did he was doing something to that was in turn very hurtful.

 

Also... will having sex with women erase me from his mind? Is this what some men do?

[cheeeesecake]

Yes, you should leave that guy alone. You chose to stay with your boyfriend. Contacting the other guy will make things worse for everyone.

 

You chose to google his number and you don't like what you saw, but imo it's none of your business what he's doing now.

[simpleguycomplicated]

It sounds like a really crap situation.

 

I'm not here to judge, because you obviously know that what you did was wrong.

 

What matters is where you go from here, with yourself.

 

Ask yourself what you want i guess, be honest with yourself, and really think about it.

 

I think you should leave the other guy alone entirely, its not fair to your boyfriend if you truly want things to work out with him. That effort should be spent making things right with him, and after some time, things will fade with the other guy.

 

Good luck.

[therhythm]

Hi there,

 

This is going to be a crazy intense story but I have to get it off my chest and I need some peoples thoughts.

 

I have a boyfriend who i have been with for over five years, hes a great guy. But the relationship is safe, it wasn’t bad though. I just got bored. I know this is a normal feeling, to feel unappreciated and not attractive, not wanted. I was also very lonely. I had no friends or anybody to talk too. It was an outlet of many sources.

 

I met a guy; i told him i was single. We started to hang out and get to know each-other. Before i knew it, i was really falling for this guy. Really loving the feeling I got when we were together, but things started to get tricky to lie about. I wasn’t good at keeping everything on the d-low. He started to question things and because I had created a web of lies it was hard to get out. He brought me an engagement ring and we started to talk about our future. Then. The **** hit the fan.

He found out about my boyfriend.

 

The guy who I had the affair with was devastated. He asked me to move to him, to leave my life for him but he was starting to get quite nasty, I put it down to being hurt. But he got very nasty.

He started to try wrecking my boyfriend’s life and said horrible, horrible things to me. Things I would never repeat. This of Corse wrecked a lot of my feelings for him and I choose not to be with him.

I told my boyfriend about him also and after much time he forgave me and continued to love me.

 

He has finally stopped talking to me after much ignoring on my part. I just don’t know what to say. He doesn't even know what I know.

I feel haunted by him. He is in my dreams every night. I wonder if I made the right choice.

 

Anyway, back to the story. I recently entered his number into google because I guess I missed him. I was horrified to see what I found. I found him as a male escort for sex.

Now I feel disgusted, I have no idea when he started that. I know I’m “clean” but I feel disgusted that I still love him?

 

I don’t know what to feel. Please help me.

 

So you lie to your boyfriend and this guy, you cheat on your boyfriend and still you find yourself suitable to sit yourself in a higher horse and judge a guy because he is an escort?

 

You lady have a lot of grow up to do...:rolleyes:

[wascal]

So you lie to your boyfriend and this guy, you cheat on your boyfriend and still you find yourself suitable to sit yourself in a higher horse and judge a guy because he is an escort?

 

You lady have a lot of grow up to do...:rolleyes:

 

I understand how it appears that way. I don't sit on a high horse. I really don't. I hate what i did and when i look back i feel like it was an out of body experience. I don't like who i was. I have taking a lot of time to see what kind of person i was. Its not like im sitting here with the world at my finger tips. I have had to do a lot to get to this position, i can assure you my partner didnt just turn around and give me the thumbs up nor did the other guy.

I truly cared about these men and i feel horrible that either are hurt. That's the problem. How do you even love two people at once. I thought after all the things that happened i would feel clear with my choices. I feel even more blurred.

I dont feel disgusted in him or angry at him. I just feel confused that this man could be in truly love one minute than the next offer himself for sex. Is it a recovery technique? Is he okay? Should i be worried?

I know i made my choice but that doesn't mean i don't care.

 

 

I think you may judge me on what i wrote, clearly there was alot more to the story. This may of even helped me to grow up. Everybody who has ever been in a long relationship has gotten this feeling of confusion. I just choose to write mine.

 

This wasn't a post for angry comments, its just things that go through my head that i needed to write.

[shexy]

You're extremely lucky your boyfriend forgave you - I wouldn't have. You used the other guy because you were bored with your current bf. Of course he got pissed when he found out you'd been lying to him all along. Of course he reacted with anger and hurt. What did you think he'd do?

 

What does him being a male escort have to do with anything? It sounds to me like you still love him, you want to be with him, but you're scared because you don't want to throw away a sure thing with your current bf. You know he's a doormat and will take you back no matter what you do, so you don't want to let that go. He's an insurance policy.

[wascal]

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Edited May 30, 2013 by wascal
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[therhythm]

I understand how it appears that way. I don't sit on a high horse. I really don't. I hate what i did and when i look back i feel like it was an out of body experience. I don't like who i was. I have taking a lot of time to see what kind of person i was. Its not like im sitting here with the world at my finger tips. I have had to do a lot to get to this position, i can assure you my partner didnt just turn around and give me the thumbs up nor did the other guy.

I truly cared about these men and i feel horrible that either are hurt. That's the problem. How do you even love two people at once. I thought after all the things that happened i would feel clear with my choices. I feel even more blurred.

I dont feel disgusted in him or angry at him. I just feel confused that this man could be in truly love one minute than the next offer himself for sex. Is it a recovery technique? Is he okay? Should i be worried?

I know i made my choice but that doesn't mean i don't care.

 

 

I think you may judge me on what i wrote, clearly there was alot more to the story. This may of even helped me to grow up. Everybody who has ever been in a long relationship has gotten this feeling of confusion. I just choose to write mine.

 

This wasn't a post for angry comments, its just things that go through my head that i needed to write.

 

I think you have a serious problem and the problem has nothing to do with your ex lover being a escort.

 

Your problem is that you cheated and lied about your personal life status to two different people. Your boyfriend found out and gave you a second opportunity and you are still checking on your lover and his whereabouts. You have learned nothing from the errors of your past, it is clear when the biggest problem you see is that your ex lover was an escort...

 

The biggest problem you have is actually that you are still checking on him... but as that is not personally hurting you (if it may hurt someone is your boyfriend) is not a problem, right?

 

Very bad

Edited May 30, 2013 by therhythm