Friendzoned AGAIN?!? Ugh....

[lakerman34]

So I have been getting friendzoned quite early and often lately.

 

As you all may know, I’m currently in South Africa. A mutual friend of mine was telling me that a friend of hers was coming to visit, and wanted to do safari, and would like to join me. She tells me that she’s a tiny girl, very cute, 3 years older than me, and EXTREMELY sexual and single. I get excited by this news.

 

We plan the trip, get to know each other a little bit via Facebook messaging.

 

I meet her on her first night, go out with her (lets call the girl of interest Sarah), our mutual friend (lets call her Marie) and another guy friend.

 

Physically, Sarah is EXACTLY what I’m into. A short girl with an incredible lower body. Girl definitely works out a lot, and does yoga often. Everything about her is spelling out potential freak in bed.

 

We all get drunk, and Sarah is obviously VERY open about her sexuality, and I love it (to a point). She mentions that ‘she could use a good f*cking,’ and said that she ‘loves a man to kiss her feet.’ We get touchy-feely, and all four of us end back at Marie’s place. Marie and the other guy (a gay friend of ours) are watching a TV episode on the laptop in another room. Sarah and I were cuddling in her room together, and she was quite drunk. She told me “I know what you want to do, your game won’t work with me, Mr. Man.” I nibbled on her ear, kissed her, and left.

 

She claims to have zero recollection of the night, and told me if anything happened not to take it as a sign of interest or anything else.

 

A couple of nights later we go out again, and Sarah is very crabby. She hasn’t been sleeping and was quite irritable.

 

Marie tells me ‘if you touch her vagina, I will cut your balls off. She’s a grown ass woman, let her come to you.’

 

LONG story short, first couple of nights of safari, I thought it was going to happen. Sarah kept telling me that we should just be friends and not have any sexual relationship and she wasn’t going to have sex w/ me, I just replied with ‘uh-huh sure…’s.

 

To keep some tension going, I’d do things like smack her in the butt, say sexual things to her, the whole 9. She responded rather well to these things.

 

One afternoon, she came into the room drunk, and said she had a secret. She said she was fascinated by the different shapes and sizes of penises (weird, I know), and liked to predict the shape and size of a person’s based on their stature. I told her ‘if you want to see mine, just ask.’ She said ‘no I don’t want to see yours.’

 

Then she got annoying. EVERYONE we met she told them ‘we are NOT dating, and nothing sexual is going on between us.’ After a few times of this, I called her out, so she began telling people that we JUST met from a mutual friend. Fine.

 

Sarah tells me that her ex-boyfriend, who was a LDR and an older guy that was looking to settle down (she’s not ready to settle down), she felt bad about how easily she got over him and it’s going to kill him that she went on a safari with a guy. He’s trying to get back together with her, and although she admits that it would probably be best to just let him go (as I advised her), I get the vibe she still likes him.

 

HOWEVER, this is what REALLY grinded my gears. She would say things like “I really need some dick in my life,” “I’ve gone too long without sex,” “I could really use a good lay right about now,” “I’m looking for a man tonight.” Just two days ago, I finally called her out on this. I told her “look, you are in a room with a good looking, in shape, pretty well endowed 22 year old guy. All you have to do is ask.” She told me that she wasn’t going to sleep with me and she knew it was as easy as asking me.

 

She went as far as saying things like "you aren't getting this, so make sure you rub it out in the shower tonight," and teasing me with things like "I met a guy last month in London, and the second I met him, I knew I was going to F him. We did. He told me I tasted like Kool-Aid. You'll never get to know."

 

Some of the guys we met along the way told me it was very obvious that there was a lot of sexual tension between us and that they could see it happening, and other people said they got the brother/sister vibe from us.

 

Last night, Sarah and I were rather cold to each other. It was our last night on safari together. She overheard me talking to one of the Canadians at our backpacker where I was drunk and telling her my frustrations with Sarah. The Canadian insisted that I should keep my distance and the fact that she kept saying that she didn’t want to sleep with me and that she was looking for sex from someone was possibly code for “I want to F your brains out, but want to convince myself that I don’t want to because I probably shouldn’t.”

 

I don’t know if I totally agree.

 

I didn’t talk to her all day at the airport, and she got the picture. Then, I started talking to her a little bit and she said “oh, so you aren’t mad at me anymore?” I told her I never was and she was selfish to think I was quiet because of her. She didn’t respond to this.

 

She slept with her head on my lap in the plane, and I was petting her head like a dog. On the taxi drive back to the apartment, she told me that she hasn’t been herself and she is certain it is the malaria pills, and apologized if she did anything to upset me. I really appreciated this (even though I don’t think it was the pills. Could have been, but either way, the apology was a HUGE sign of maturity, and I do forgive her for all the times she made me want to put a screwdriver thru my head).

 

I’m leaving in only 4 days, and she will never see nor hear from me again. If she is really looking for a fling, I’m right here. It almost makes too much sense.

 

That being said, if/when she texts me tomorrow to hang out (which she will, she is uncomfortable going out in Africa by herself, and Marie is working all day), I think I will respond w/ the following text: ‘Can’t. Busy.’

 

Passive-aggressive.

 

I can ONLY see this happening if she comes to me and essentially asks me to accompany her to the bedroom. A small sliver of hope is that Marie REALLY doesn't like Sarah's ex, and I can see her telling Sarah 'perhaps you should just sleep with lakerman34. He's obviously into it, he's leaving, and it'll get your mind off your ex.' But, like my flatmate said, I slept in a room with just Sarah for a week straight. Had she wanted it, she would have gone for it already. BUTTTT that, of course, isn't necessarily true. 2 of the nights we were in tents and could EASILY be heard by others, the other nights we were in huts and, again, could be EASILY heard by others, maybe she didn't want things to be awkward, so may be waiting for my last night in Cape Town to send me off with a very happy ending, who knows.

 

Meanwhile, I’m looking to see if there is another girl I can find that could be my last lay in Africa. Easier said than done.

 

Thoughts? I’m sure I left vital details out….may edit.

 

What’s my next move?

 

ALSO, I appreciate comments from ONLY people who understand what I’m looking for here. Flings. Not love. I know there is ALWAYS that crowd that says “man, sex is all that matters to you. You need to get to know her as a person. Love. Love. Love.” They NNA.

Edited May 29, 2013 by lakerman34

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

You should have hooked up with her the first night. Everything that happened and everything that she said suggests that she's not a quality that's worth stressing over.

 

You missed the window. No biggy. Girls like her are a dime a dozen.

 

/thread

[Chief Wiggum]

Cool story, bro.

[clia]

You have no next move, at least with respect to Sarah. She repeatedly told you she doesn't want to have sex with you. There is no "code" here, she didn't mean something else. She doesn't want to have sex with you!

 

Game, set, match.

 

Go find another girl to have a fling with.

[JuneJulySeptember]

You can't get friendzoned by women that you've already kissed.

 

Friendzone means she has absolutely no attraction to you and would rather kiss Shrek's donkey.

 

In your case, she is attracted to you. It may or may not happen later on down the road. Once you're in the TRUE friendzone (zero/zip attraction), you're there forever.

[Treasa]

Please don't ever slap the ass of a girl who isn't your girlfriend, no matter how sexual she claims to be and no matter how much she seems to enjoy it.

[FemmeMystere]

Oh man, this girl has had the time of her life manipulating you. She was a master puppeteer, and you danced like a marionette for her.

 

Believe it or not, women like her, who wear their sexuality like a Louis Vuitton handbag but never follow through... rarely want casual sex. They're like the female equivalent of guys who claim to want "love" and "marriage" but really only want a piece of ass.

 

Sounds like she's very good at attracting male attention, but likely most of the attention she gets is of the sexually-oriented and short-term variety. In spite of her risque behavior, she probably wants someone who cares about her and doesn't treat her like she's disposable, but she's clueless about how to attract that sort of person.

 

She was probably ignored by guys for much of her early life, but discovered once she started getting boobs and showing off her body - bingo - she goes from tiny and invisible to being VERY noticed by guys. So she started playing up the sexuality more, because it works, with one tiny problem: She gets attention. She gets banged. Then she gets ditched... ad nauseam. She's never the girl who gets dates, or flowers, or a boyfriend, just the backseat and the back door.

 

So, fast-forward to now. Older and thoroughly jaded, she's convinced that all men have an "agenda" and are playing a "game." So instead of being miserable about it, she's tired of it all decides to get revenge on all guys by playing a little game of her own.

 

So along you come. She throws a few racy suggestions out there, and predictably, you react JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER GUY before you. So as far as she's concerned, you ARE the other guys. And boy, did she have fun dangling her sexuality in front of your face like a carrot. She wanted to see how high she could make you jump, how much she could emasculate you in front of other people, how worked up she could get you. She probably had more fun teasing you than she did on the safari!

 

The blatant manner in which she disrespected you was clearly indicative that she sees you as an expendable, sex-desperate toy that she could manipulate to the highest degree. I understand that you didn't want any "you only want sex" type answers, but the fact that you only want a fling is a vital reason why she treated you this way in the first place. You're young, and I'm not going to get on your case too much, but it's better to learn about these "games" early on so you can recognize them. And once you know what's going on behind the scenes, YOU can be the one who pulls the strings.

 

The bottom line is, guys who want casual sex are a dime a dozen. Not saying that there’s anything wrong with a fling, but if you want it to actually happen, you have to show the girl what makes your 22-year-old boner more special than the others.

 

How? Usually I advise that guys show sexual interest in a girl to avoid being seen “like a brother” etc, but this isn’t a typical “friend zone” situation. With an emotionally messed up women like Sarah, the opposite approach actually works better.

 

If a girl comes on strong sexually right away... It’s (probably) a trap! Definitely show some sexual interest in her, but be cool and aloof too. You don’t necessarily have to say it, but act like you get laid all the time, and her goodies are nice, but nothing special. Let her be more “hot & heavy” than you are. This is NOT typical guy behavior, and I guarantee, it will throw the biggest wrench in her modus operandi.

 

You have to show just enough interest so she doesn’t feel rejected (these types tend to have low self-esteem), but be nonchalant enough about sex to make her wonder why you aren’t being so desperate like other guys. And definitely show interest in her as a person. Ask about her interests, her life, etc. You may not be looking for anything serious, but treating her like a blow up doll isn't going to get you laid.

 

As for Sarah… I doubt if you can really salvage the situation with her. You’ve already shown your hand, and you’re leaving in a few days anyway. Just enjoy the rest of your trip, flirt with a few other girls, and keep my advice in the back of your mind in the future. It works, trust me. I used to be "Sarah" when I was younger, and I played her games too

Edited May 29, 2013 by FemmeMystere

[hppr]

That chick sounds goofy, slutty and impulsive. If you want to bag a chick like that you go for it on the first date or forget about her and find someone else. Really you had your chance, she said stupid stuff about your game 'not working' (that was your queue) and you kissed her instead. **** happens, live and learn.

[Estate]

Same advice as in all the other threads.

 

Let go of your ego. You're obviously not just looking for hookups because you are PINING after all these girls one after the other.

Otherwise you would not care.

 

But same as before... you talk like you have UBER game or at least think you do but it always come back to the same problem...

 

You meet, you come on strong, they kinda like you, you come on even stronger and they get turned off... all your threads have the same progression.

 

I think you are coming off inappropriate, creepy or just thinking you have so much game but really have no idea.

It's hard to tell which it is so don't want to insult you but it sounds like you are just assuming these girls want to get in your pants and act that way towards them and are then surprised to find out their attitude changed towards you.

 

It's hard to tell EXACTLY what vibe you're giving without being there but it's obviously the case.

[KraftDinner]

Seriously why are you even wasting your time thinking about this chick? She is totally uninterested in you sexually. But enjoys manipulating you. She feels power making you squirm. She sounds like a selfish bitch.

 

But I'm surprised you don't seem to see it.

 

This is one of those situations where I think a lot of the women will be wondering where the confusion is, and how you can't see what's going on here.

 

Reread FemmeMystere's post. Read it until it sinks in, haha. Good luck!

[lakerman34]

Please don't ever slap the ass of a girl who isn't your girlfriend, no matter how sexual she claims to be and no matter how much she seems to enjoy it.

 

yeah, i didn't mean it like i just said it haha.

 

it was more of a friendly kick in the butt as i was walking past her. i got a friendly punch on the arm.

[ThaWholigan]

Oh man, this girl has had the time of her life manipulating you. She was a master puppeteer, and you danced like a marionette for her.

 

Believe it or not, women like her, who wear their sexuality like a Louis Vuitton handbag but never follow through... rarely want casual sex. They're like the female equivalent of guys who claim to want "love" and "marriage" but really only want a piece of ass.

 

Sounds like she's very good at attracting male attention, but likely most of the attention she gets is of the sexually-oriented and short-term variety. In spite of her risque behavior, she probably wants someone who cares about her and doesn't treat her like she's disposable, but she's clueless about how to attract that sort of person.

 

She was probably ignored by guys for much of her early life, but discovered once she started getting boobs and showing off her body - bingo - she goes from tiny and invisible to being VERY noticed by guys. So she started playing up the sexuality more, because it works, with one tiny problem: She gets attention. She gets banged. Then she gets ditched... ad nauseam. She's never the girl who gets dates, or flowers, or a boyfriend, just the backseat and the back door.

 

So, fast-forward to now. Older and thoroughly jaded, she's convinced that all men have an "agenda" and are playing a "game." So instead of being miserable about it, she's tired of it all decides to get revenge on all guys by playing a little game of her own.

 

So along you come. She throws a few racy suggestions out there, and predictably, you react JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER GUY before you. So as far as she's concerned, you ARE the other guys. And boy, did she have fun dangling her sexuality in front of your face like a carrot. She wanted to see how high she could make you jump, how much she could emasculate you in front of other people, how worked up she could get you. She probably had more fun teasing you than she did on the safari!

 

The blatant manner in which she disrespected you was clearly indicative that she sees you as an expendable, sex-desperate toy that she could manipulate to the highest degree. I understand that you didn't want any "you only want sex" type answers, but the fact that you only want a fling is a vital reason why she treated you this way in the first place. You're young, and I'm not going to get on your case too much, but it's better to learn about these "games" early on so you can recognize them. And once you know what's going on behind the scenes, YOU can be the one who pulls the strings.

 

The bottom line is, guys who want casual sex are a dime a dozen. Not saying that there’s anything wrong with a fling, but if you want it to actually happen, you have to show the girl what makes your 22-year-old boner more special than the others.

 

How? Usually I advise that guys show sexual interest in a girl to avoid being seen “like a brother” etc, but this isn’t a typical “friend zone” situation. With an emotionally messed up women like Sarah, the opposite approach actually works better.

 

If a girl comes on strong sexually right away... It’s (probably) a trap! Definitely show some sexual interest in her, but be cool and aloof too. You don’t necessarily have to say it, but act like you get laid all the time, and her goodies are nice, but nothing special. Let her be more “hot & heavy” than you are. This is NOT typical guy behavior, and I guarantee, it will throw the biggest wrench in her modus operandi.

 

You have to show just enough interest so she doesn’t feel rejected (these types tend to have low self-esteem), but be nonchalant enough about sex to make her wonder why you aren’t being so desperate like other guys. And definitely show interest in her as a person. Ask about her interests, her life, etc. You may not be looking for anything serious, but treating her like a blow up doll isn't going to get you laid.

 

As for Sarah… I doubt if you can really salvage the situation with her. You’ve already shown your hand, and you’re leaving in a few days anyway. Just enjoy the rest of your trip, flirt with a few other girls, and keep my advice in the back of your mind in the future. It works, trust me. I used to be "Sarah" when I was younger, and I played her games too

This was very insightful - I'm glad you posted this.

[Treasa]

yeah, i didn't mean it like i just said it haha.

 

it was more of a friendly kick in the butt as i was walking past her. i got a friendly punch on the arm.

 

Phew!

 

Yeah, anyway, she sounds unstable and probably uses sex talk as a bait. No one who actually likes sex that much talks about it. She'd be actually doing it.

 

Signed,

~Someone who freaking loves sex

[sillyanswer]

She sounds like a cock tease.

[Dusk1983]

She was probably ignored by guys for much of her early life, but discovered once she started getting boobs and showing off her body - bingo - she goes from tiny and invisible to being VERY noticed by guys. So she started playing up the sexuality more, because it works, with one tiny problem: She gets attention. She gets banged. Then she gets ditched... ad nauseam. She's never the girl who gets dates, or flowers, or a boyfriend, just the backseat and the back door.

 

So, fast-forward to now. Older and thoroughly jaded, she's convinced that all men have an "agenda" and are playing a "game." So instead of being miserable about it, she's tired of it all decides to get revenge on all guys by playing a little game of her own.

 

As we expected.

 

Whenever a chick behaves badly, there's always a man at fault somewhere.

[Phantom888]

Very enjoyable post. You are a good writer bro! The way I see it, she was lonely, enjoyed the attention, really enjoyed tugging you around, but didn't want to have sex with you. I have no doubt she was horny as a toad when she was drunk, but she was coherent enough to be selective. When a woman doesn't want to have sex with you, it's almost branded in their brain to omit you as a possibility. Unless you whack her unconscious, you were not gonna have your way with her no matter what.

 

I remember a girl in college that I wanted to bang, and I even wagered $100 with my friend that I was gonna eventually get some (my motivator). In the end, she did not see me as a sex partner even though we spent all night in her bedroom. For the next 20 years, she was my best friend, and kinda like a sister to me. You can't force these things man.

[Estate]

As we expected.

 

Whenever a chick behaves badly, there's always a man at fault somewhere.

 

Read the OP's previous threads on here.... he's got a big ego and is overly forward with girls... we try to advice but nothing seems to change.

[lakerman34]

Read the OP's previous threads on here.... he's got a big ego and is overly forward with girls... we try to advice but nothing seems to change.

 

Estate,

 

out of curiosity, are you a man or woman?

[Estate]

Estate,

 

out of curiosity, are you a man or woman?

 

I'm a man, why does it matter?

I'm not saying I'm a guru but I know what I'm doing. I can only give the same advice so many times if it's ignored then so be it.

 

There's a pattern with all your threads.

[lakerman34]

I'm a man, why does it matter?

I'm not saying I'm a guru but I know what I'm doing. I can only give the same advice so many times if it's ignored then so be it.

 

There's a pattern with all your threads.

 

We can work off each other. I've read some of your threads, and you make some novice mistakes every single time as well.

 

Only gonna make each other better....

Edited June 5, 2013 by lakerman34

[Estate]

We can work off each other. I've read some of your threads, and you make some novice mistakes every single time as well.

 

Only gonna make each other better....

 

I won't deny I make mistakes, but nobody's perfect. You can't get EVERY girl, sometimes she's just not interested, sometimes she is but you do or say something dumb... we're all guilty of it.

 

The thing is though, there's a key difference between how I handle a rejection or a failure to pull a girl and the majority of guys who whine about things on this forum.

 

If I fail, it doesn't get me down. I stand back, take a look at it and ask myself "How was my approach, should I have said that, should I have done that, where in the interaction did I lose her?"

Once I've done that, sometimes I ask her, or ask others for opinions and maybe I'll begin to see the situation from someone elses perspective and I can adjust how I approach the same situation next time. THAT is why I have asked questions on here before. To LEARN not to do it again.

 

Then... it almost makes me EXCITED. Next time I am out there with a girl, I'll know EXACTLY where I made a mistake before and learn from it.

I'm always still learning, we all are, but I've learned a LOT over the last 5-10 years from the teenager I used to be.

 

The alternative to doing that is what you see here a lot on LS, guys hardly even speak to women in real life then come here slating women and making digs and ridiculous assumptions about people in general, they end up with a bitterness that they can't shake, and it's quite difficult to read.

[drr6]

No offense but the wall of text for your post is one sign already that you are not bold and decisive enough.

[lakerman34]

I won't deny I make mistakes, but nobody's perfect. You can't get EVERY girl, sometimes she's just not interested, sometimes she is but you do or say something dumb... we're all guilty of it.

 

The thing is though, there's a key difference between how I handle a rejection or a failure to pull a girl and the majority of guys who whine about things on this forum.

 

If I fail, it doesn't get me down. I stand back, take a look at it and ask myself "How was my approach, should I have said that, should I have done that, where in the interaction did I lose her?"

Once I've done that, sometimes I ask her, or ask others for opinions and maybe I'll begin to see the situation from someone elses perspective and I can adjust how I approach the same situation next time. THAT is why I have asked questions on here before. To LEARN not to do it again.

 

Then... it almost makes me EXCITED. Next time I am out there with a girl, I'll know EXACTLY where I made a mistake before and learn from it.

I'm always still learning, we all are, but I've learned a LOT over the last 5-10 years from the teenager I used to be.

 

The alternative to doing that is what you see here a lot on LS, guys hardly even speak to women in real life then come here slating women and making digs and ridiculous assumptions about people in general, they end up with a bitterness that they can't shake, and it's quite difficult to read.

 

So you and I do the same thing.

 

The beautiful thing about LS is that no one knows who you are in person, so they (for the most part) speak objectively.

 

I move on quite quickly, but every girl is different. I'm bad at picking them. More times than not I get the insecure ones, the crazy ones, or the downright immature ones. What can you do?

 

It does bother me for a little bit when things don't work out, but after a week or two, I've already moved on to another girl or another hobby. Everyone I tell this story to (about this girl), they all say thank goodness I didn't do anything. She seems VERY insecure. I think she's a sweet girl, but in all reality, she was the dime a dozen type.