dreamingoftigers Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 Exactly. There's also always "Oh, Mike, is he the one with the micropenis?" That's funny. I knew a Mike with a micropenis.
dreamingoftigers Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 I'm going to go against the grain here.... I think you should give Mike a call and say: "I heard that you were calling me crazy to other people. Now stop doing it, OR I'LL FU*KING CUT YOU! I'LL BLOW UP THE NEXT NEWSROOM YOU GO TO RANT ABOUT YOUR BLOWHARD FINANCES. AND STOP TALKING TO ME ON THE RADIO AT 3 A.M. AND MY TOASTER! STOP MAKING THE DOGS IN MY NEIGHBOURHOOD BARK AT ME! I'LL GET AL-QAEDA ON YOUR ASS. I'LL CUT, CUT, CUT YOU!" That should solve things. Then call Chris and tell him "the crazy is all taken care of now. Mike will be very quiet." 1
pcplod Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 On reflection, "crazy" doesn't always have to mean "bad" or "to be avoided". Crazy to me might mean "interesting" "a free spirit", "relatively uninhibited". But I guess in your case it wasn't that meaning, by inference. I don't see why it should be inevitably rude to tell someone that they have been labelled by someone else as crazy as long as it was handled in the appropriate way. To me it could just be as sign that someone is at ease in your company, that they are confident that you won't take it in the wrong way, that they reckon you are mature enough to just shrug it off. A sort of implicit compliment and not in a back-handed way either. How I would handle it would depend on the circumstances. If you were a total stranger then I would be conservative. Wait for another opportunity, another date to mention it casually. After all you've come back for more, so it wouldn't be that you believed the rumour passed your way. However, if I was already a friend, a firm acquaintance, then I would feel more relaxed in mentioning it any time. The subject of sharing confidences is always a tricky issue for all sorts of reasons. On the one hand, if you share too much, too often, people will maybe think you are not to be trusted. Yet, on the other hand if you are not candid and open some of the time, people will maybe think you are aloof, uncommunicative, with things to hide, so they end up not trusting you. A potential for lose-lose. How the hell you are supposed to handle it I frankly have no idea, even after 50+ years. The only thing I can figure is that maybe the thing is to just discuss the very topic in these terms with those who you are friends with, people you want to get to know better.
Author Star Gazer Posted May 30, 2013 Author Posted May 30, 2013 I'm going to go against the grain here.... I think you should give Mike a call and say: "I heard that you were calling me crazy to other people. Now stop doing it, OR I'LL FU*KING CUT YOU! I'LL BLOW UP THE NEXT NEWSROOM YOU GO TO RANT ABOUT YOUR BLOWHARD FINANCES. AND STOP TALKING TO ME ON THE RADIO AT 3 A.M. AND MY TOASTER! STOP MAKING THE DOGS IN MY NEIGHBOURHOOD BARK AT ME! I'LL GET AL-QAEDA ON YOUR ASS. I'LL CUT, CUT, CUT YOU!" That should solve things. Then call Chris and tell him "the crazy is all taken care of now. Mike will be very quiet." No way I could ever do that, but that made me literally LOL. Thanks. 1
FitChick Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 If it happens again, you have to perfect a blank stare, "Mike who?" Wait for the explanation and then fake surprise "Oh, that guy. That was so many years ago. I guess he didn't take rejection very well, did he? Sad. Now, let's ask for the dessert menu..." By remaining calm and dismissive, if the new guy tells Mike, Mike sounds like the kind of guy who would blow his top, reinforcing the idea that you are the one who rejected him and he is, indeed, still bitter. 3
SJC2008 Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Calling a woman crazy is the worst form of slander, it's the red button, it's worse than calling a guy "nice" lol! In all seriousness, if this guy had half a brain in his head he'd know better than going off of hearsay and just go on more dates with you and get to know you. The fact that he's backing off after hearing that you're "crazy" tells me he's in the same league as Mike! 2
Author Star Gazer Posted May 30, 2013 Author Posted May 30, 2013 He's been engaging in mild chit-chat today via FB. But my own -dar (not sure what -dar, but some sort of -dar) is on alert. 1
USMCHokie Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 He's been engaging in mild chit-chat today via FB. But my own -dar (not sure what -dar, but some sort of -dar) is on alert. Douche-dar...? I told you it works. 3
Author Star Gazer Posted May 30, 2013 Author Posted May 30, 2013 Douche-dar...? I told you it works. It does. It really does. 1
USMCHokie Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Don't pretend a good deal of guys aren't lying dweebs out to sex up as many chicks as possible by hook or crook and then Blane the girl as "psycho clingy" because she wanted more than a hook up. Not all men are like that, but certainly enough to cause a country where almost 40% of kids are born to single women..... I still dream about one day finding myself a "psycho clingy" girl...just to see what it's like. 3
dreamingoftigers Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 No way I could ever do that, but that made me literally LOL. Thanks. I hope you know I was kidding. Nor have I done anything like that, not even on prescription Wellbutrin. Honestly, I'd ignore it and totally dismiss it. I like Fitchick's and Janesays suggestions best. Or even, "I don't think he really comprehended my sense of humor either" (enh bad example) 1
Author Star Gazer Posted May 30, 2013 Author Posted May 30, 2013 I still dream about one day finding myself a "psycho clingy" girl...just to see what it's like. You had your chance, dootyhead!!! 2
USMCHokie Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 You had your chance, dootyhead!!! Heh....heh............heh. Heh. 1
SJC2008 Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Don't pretend a good deal of guys aren't lying dweebs out to sex up as many chicks as possible by hook or crook and then Blane the girl as "psycho clingy" because she wanted more than a hook up. Not all men are like that, but certainly enough to cause a country where almost 40% of kids are born to single women..... It's a shame those women didn't realize they were dating scumbags until they had kids with them and got left. 1
Andy_K Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 If it happens again, you have to perfect a blank stare, "Mike who?" Wait for the explanation and then fake surprise "Oh, that guy. That was so many years ago. I guess he didn't take rejection very well, did he? Sad. Now, let's ask for the dessert menu..." By remaining calm and dismissive, if the new guy tells Mike, Mike sounds like the kind of guy who would blow his top, reinforcing the idea that you are the one who rejected him and he is, indeed, still bitter. This is exactly how you should respond. On the flip side, getting angry/irate about it, or worse still confronting Mike, is exactly the sort of thing a crazy would do, and would most definitely serve to reinforce the rumour. 1
Emilia Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 He's been engaging in mild chit-chat today via FB. But my own -dar (not sure what -dar, but some sort of -dar) is on alert. I realise I'm less forgiving than many people but why are you talking to him still if you don't mind my asking? 3
joystickd Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 I went through a situation like this once. I had been with someone and took a lot of bad behavior from her. When I finally stood up for myself and ended it. She spent some time trying to throw salt with women I was talking too. When I confronted her about it she started telling people I was stalking her and I was crazy. I totally ignored it if the subject came up. Most of the time people will base what they think of you off of how you treat them and not what someone else told them. 2
Imajerk17 Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 (edited) These are my thoughts... 1. I'm finding it impossible to imagine how you could burn through your dating prospects in a city of 400,000 short of doing something that could actually land you in prison. Never mind by crossing one single person. Star Gazer, I am positive that there are plenty of nice financially responsible smart age-appropriate single cute guys in your city who have no relationship to "Mike". 2. There will be plenty of "Mike"s in your life. Guys will be mad at you that you fired them/wouldn't date them/wouldn't sleep with them/didn't interview them/didn't hire them/wouldn't promote them, and some won't take the high road. I like the comebacks given: "Crazy girls are better in bed", "Whose Mike", and even "Yeah I'm totally cray cray. I came here on my broom!" 3. Getting to what NIP was saying, a smart guy will take into account the reputation of the other guy. Hell I have gone out with more than one girl who was badmouthed by a dude in my social circle. Thing is, I knew how the dude operated so I knew that his talking smack about the girl was really projecting on his part. It said more about him than it did about her. If "Chris" is taking the opinion of "Mike" so seriously, then it means that "Chris" respects douches like "Mike" too much, or that "Chris" can't form his own opinions. What does that say about Chris really? Red flag much? 4. Getting back to what NIP is saying, it does seem sometimes that women are attracted to the mystery and danger. In fact, one PUA tactic to get another guy out of the picture is to talk about what a *ahem* Nice Guy he is. The guy supposedly being talked up often ends up actually becoming less and less mysterious to the woman and so she loses interest. Ouch! But I digress here.... Edited May 30, 2013 by Imajerk17 4
Author Star Gazer Posted May 30, 2013 Author Posted May 30, 2013 I realise I'm less forgiving than many people but why are you talking to him still if you don't mind my asking? Because I'm not as convinced as you are that it's a red flag worth terminating communication. It seems to me that he's trying to get to know me, and form his own opinion. Why shouldn't I let him? 1
Author Star Gazer Posted May 30, 2013 Author Posted May 30, 2013 These are my thoughts... 1. I'm finding it impossible to imagine how you could burn through your dating prospects in a city of 400,000 short of doing something that could actually land you in prison. Never mind by crossing one single person. Star Gazer, I am positive that there are plenty of nice financially responsible smart age-appropriate single cute guys in your city who have no relationship to "Mike". Did I say I've "burned through them all"? Absolutely not. I merely stated the population of the entire city, including infants, the elderly, and the already married. I said he knows everyone, and when it comes to single men in my age group (32-45) with similar interests, the number of men is much, much less and yes, he is connected to them all in some way. Go into a random bar or professional event and ask, "Do you know Mike Smith?" and most of them will say yes. I'm not kidding, dude. The world is REALLY SMALL here.
Imajerk17 Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 (edited) Did I say I've "burned through them all"? Absolutely not. I merely stated the population of the entire city, including infants, the elderly, and the already married. I said he knows everyone, and when it comes to single men in my age group (32-45) with similar interests, the number of men is much, much less and yes, he is connected to them all in some way. Go into a random bar or professional event and ask, "Do you know Mike Smith?" and most of them will say yes. I'm not kidding, dude. The world is REALLY SMALL here. Yes I get that your actual dating pool is only a small fraction of the 400,000 in your city. I was fully aware of what I bolded already my friend. Even if Mike Smith is connected to so many people on some level, I am still finding it impossible to imagine that every single one of the eligible men in your city has Mike Smith on speed dial where they consult him on all matters women. That's just crazy. Replace "every single one" with "even 10%" and the previous three statements hold. And even getting back to Chris, you want a guy who can form his own opinions and who doesn't give too much respect to the opinion of any one person, nevermind a douche. I think I said this before but I think its worth repeating. Edited May 30, 2013 by Imajerk17 1
Author Star Gazer Posted May 30, 2013 Author Posted May 30, 2013 Yes I get that your actual dating pool is only a small fraction of the 400,000 in your city. I was fully aware of what I bolded already my friend. Even if Mike Smith is connected to so many people on some level, I am still finding it impossible to imagine that every single one of the eligible men in your city has Mike Smith on speed dial where they consult him on all matters women. That's just crazy. Replace "every single one" with "even 10%" and the previous three statements hold. I didn't say that was the case? Other people here told me to date outside of Mike's social and professional circle, and I merely explained why that's not possible.
thatone Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 *Names changed. I had a date the other night with Chris, a guy I know through mutual friends, one of whom is a coworker of his. At dinner, he asked me if I know anyone else he works with. I honestly said I didn't think so. Then he said, "Don't you know Mike Smith? I thought I remembered seeing pictures of you two on his Facebook a while back." I instantly rolled my eyes, remembering that they do indeed work for the same large company. This Mike guy is someone I knew briefly for a few months about 6 years ago, who was an attention seeking, just-divorced wannabe player, and tried to play my girlfriends and I against each other. He failed miserably, and in the process of him going down in flames, I made sure to give him a piece of my mind, and haven't seen or spoken to him since. I told Chris as much. In response, he seemed to agree with my assessment and said, "Don't take this the wrong way, but I thought you guys knew each other, so at work I went to his Facebook and asked him, 'Hey dude, what's the story with you and Star?' and his response was, 'F******cccckkkk dude, she's CRAZY! Stay away!" This is the third time in 6 years I've heard that this guy has said something derogatory about me. Trust me, I wasn't "crazy." I went off on him about as much as I did in the paragraph above. He wasn't worth my time, at all. I wasn't even interested, so much as offended at how he treated my friends (one in particular who was really hurt by him). But apparently, he's one of those guys who labels women who stand up for themselves as "cray cray." What should I do? Both with Mike, and the guys I date who tell me he's talking sh*t? Ignore it. Men do not take advice from other men, as women take advice from other women. Men are self-guided creatures by default, at least healthy ones should be.
Emilia Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 Because I'm not as convinced as you are that it's a red flag worth terminating communication. It seems to me that he's trying to get to know me, and form his own opinion. Why shouldn't I let him? That's certainly a good thing and you should.
RedRobin Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 Because I'm not as convinced as you are that it's a red flag worth terminating communication. It seems to me that he's trying to get to know me, and form his own opinion. Why shouldn't I let him? because it seems to me he is a vortex of drama... with questionable mouth control. He doesn't seem discreet or kind. Your first interaction with him quickly went from a nice date getting to know each other to... something else. Please don't take this the wrong way.. but I'm concerned you are trying to 'prove' to him in some way that you aren't like 'Mike' says... but in reality.. guys like 'Mike' and maybe this guy Chris wreak havoc wherever they go. That's their job... your job is to avoid them. My advice is to back away from this one... You can be friendly and civil. I certainly do that myself. But please don't consider dating this guy.
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