The "crazy" rumor, and how to respond?

[Emilia]

Time to untag yourself from those photos with Mike.

 

Apart from that, if your date is swayed more by Mike's comments (which in any case date from some years ago, even if they were true, which I'm sure they aren't) than from making his own decision now that he's met you then you aren't missing much by not having a second date.

I think I mixed Mike & Chris up but yes, for various reasons this guy isn't a great catch.

[sillyanswer]

his response was, 'F******cccckkkk dude, she's CRAZY! Stay away!"

 

 

The moment passed where you could've said "After all this time he's still butthurt that I didn't put out?!"

[todreaminblue]

that sucks.....ifit were me i would just say to the guy i was dating if he asked.....do you listen to someone i briefly knew....who briefly knew me....or would you like to get to know me and make up your own mind..dont rant about mike he isnt worth it.....if he answers weirdly or less than warmly in a positive frame of mind.....move on....who needs someone in their life who is influenced by what others say......that isnt even true to boot......as i said sucks...i wouldnt bother with this mike guy remain silent in regards to him..or he will use it as fuel for future stories that he twists to make him self the centre of attention......best wishes.....deb

[Eternal Sunshine]

I hate that sh-it. Some guy gave me a "high maintenance" label and now everyone that knows him says, "Oh yeah, ES, I heard she is difficult and high maintenance"

 

I still think that if a guy really likes you, he will choose to get to know you for himself.

[Art_Critic]

IMO.. You do nothing.. You already laid it all out for Chris

 

If you go further and try to nail Mike to the wall over his trash then you will look crazy, and that is not what you want.. to feed the rumor.

 

Let Mike go die from a lonely life and only deal with Chris..

 

My 2 pennies

[Janesays]

I would have been all 'Mike who?' Oh...yeah. Maybe. That was a number of years ago, so I'm not really sure....'

 

Then I would have trailed off and changed the subject.

 

Definitely don't confront Mike. That would make you look....crazy. Especially since he's going to tell the story of that conversation to anyone and everyone who will listen after. "This crazy chick did this and that and then YEARS LATER called me up screaming....guess she's crazier than ever!"

 

Better for your dates to tell him, 'She didn't seem like she remembered you...."

 

THAT will shut him up.

[Art_Critic]

The moment passed where you could've said "After all this time he's still butthurt that I didn't put out?!"

 

Or that I wouldn't peg him after he asked me to

[USMCHokie]

If you've ever heard the story of Tonya Harding.....

 

 

......give me a call.....

[apple OR orange]

personally, this should be "lesson learned" if you confront people and now you understand what they are going to say when you confront them, live with it, you say you still want to act like that, well people will continue to say the same thing about you.

 

The fact your dragging up 6 years past, seems a little weird in the first place, most people would have been "wow 6 years ago, i have better things to do".

[pcplod]

Standing up for yourself, or for that matter, for others that you care about, or even issues that you care about, is never without risks or without potential costs. I know this personally, but it doesn't always stop me from either doing what I instinctively believe is 'right', even when I am maybe 'wrong'.

 

If this guy had any wit, wisdom or maturity about him, he would just comment when asked "Oh, we just had a difference of opinion". That way he can remain guarded and still defend himself without unnecessarily attacking someone else. Attack is not always the best form of defence and is usually the last resort.

 

The problem is that if you challenge him on what he has been saying about you behind your back is only likely to reinforce his attitude. Eventually, everybody who is nosey enough to ask him will have asked him and the "twenty questions" will eventually stop. Then he can go around telling everyone who is interested, looking like a sad sod. But he probably wont.

 

All you can do is to behave normally around those who know you both. Don't even make an issue of it. Just pretend he doesn't exist. If others ask you about it, just underplay it, dismiss it as trivial, inevitable.

 

It sounds that those who have asked him and met you have made up their own mind and you needn't worry. Don't escalate it, you will only come out of it badly, and there is absolutely no need for that.

[Star Gazer]

I wonder if most guys even realize when another guy is a douche. I tend to think they don't and prefer to believe "that woman is crazy" talk. Guys code or something like that.

 

I think they think that just because a guy's a douche doesn't change "her crazy." They're not mutually exclusive.

 

And frankly, I don't think many girls act in a way guys dub as "crazy" without some major douchedom to precipitate it!

[Emilia]

And frankly, I don't think many girls act in a way guys dub as "crazy" without some major douchedom to precipitate it!

That's true but men know who to manipulate women unfortunately. It's something that you have to watch out for.

[Star Gazer]

The thing is, you can't date in your circle.

 

My view is that if Mike holds back because of what he heard from Chris, he wasn't that great a catch to start with.

 

I can't remember where you live Star and I don't know what the dating opportunities are like there but it is best to keep professional and private circles completely separate. Would that be possible?

 

No, it wouldn't be possible, in this instance. Mike isn't even in my circle. He just knows EVERYONE. If I were to not date anyone he even knows, I'd be dateless unless I left town. I'm not exaggerating.

 

Someone said untag myself in photos. I'm not tagged in any of his photos.

[Emilia]

No, it wouldn't be possible, in this instance. Mike isn't even in my circle. He just knows EVERYONE. If I were to not date anyone he even knows, I'd be dateless unless I left town. I'm not exaggerating.

 

I think I mixed the names up by the way, apologies

 

How big is your town?

[Star Gazer]

The difference between men and women is women can say anything about a guy and a woman still give him a shot thinking she's special or different, but with men they heed the warning and take that information into consideration and often times as truth...not as complete truth but possibly, and something to be weary of...depending on who it came from and what was said.

 

The fact that this guy is bringing up a photo on FB that was supposedly from six years ago? I mean wtf is that in the first place...but just him bringing up rumors and questioning you outright is a bit douchey and immature in my book. It's one thing for him to ask/talk to you about some situation in the past, inquiring about a certain this or that or what not...but to bring up the whole "well this is what so and so said about you....what say you"...is retarded.

 

Sounds like highschool drama, and then you had to stick up for your friend in the past because this guy was hurting your friends somehow doing this or that...that all sounds childish as well.

 

Men realize when another guy is a douche, but men have a different rapport with other men than they do with women...these men may treat other women disrespectfully and without any regard but can be otherwise respectable to their fellow men whom they respect...so his word, even if not very respectable in some light, can still be taken as truth because when women give off the "crazy" vibe every guy knows what that is and knows that that pu$$y isn't worth the drama or even the potential.

 

If you date this guy he may be on the lookout for your "crazyness" whether it necessarily exists or not, now he's "aware" of the label. So depending on what develops with this guy can just add fuel to the fire of the rumor...and you'll have another reputation amongst colleagues to deal with as well.

 

Dealing with these "men" from work, you're going to have to worry about such things. Every women has a label or is talked about amongst men, they know if you're easy, crazy, a "cool chick", whatever it is. There's nothing you can do about it of course, the more you resist or try to clear the air, the more crazy you're actually going to look...you have to detach yourself from it and not be swayed by the opinions of these people to react.

 

Thanks for the insight, dude. Frankly, I didn't care for him bringing me up to Mike and then sharing that with me either. I felt on the defensive.

 

You know what's funny, is that I know both Mike and Chad, who are Chris' coworkers. Chad has nothing but wonderful things to say about me; we're running buddies and like each other a whole lot. Chris also really values and respects and is inspired by Chad. So Chris has two people with very different opinions... One he likes and respects who admires me in return; and one he acknowledges is douchey who talks **** about me. *If* he's heeding Mike's warning... Stupid.

[Star Gazer]

I think I mixed the names up by the way, apologies

 

How big is your town?

 

A little over 400,000.

[Emilia]

One he likes and respects who admires me in return; and one he acknowledges is douchey who talks **** about me. *If* he's heeding Mike's warning... Stupid.

might have dodged a bullet...

[Star Gazer]

Apart from that, if your date is swayed more by Mike's comments (which in any case date from some years ago, even if they were true, which I'm sure they aren't) than from making his own decision now that he's met you then you aren't missing much by not having a second date.

 

I was a little sad about it last night, but my running buddy said just this this morning.

[Star Gazer]

I would have been all 'Mike who?' Oh...yeah. Maybe. That was a number of years ago, so I'm not really sure....'

 

Then I would have trailed off and changed the subject.

 

Definitely don't confront Mike. That would make you look....crazy. Especially since he's going to tell the story of that conversation to anyone and everyone who will listen after. "This crazy chick did this and that and then YEARS LATER called me up screaming....guess she's crazier than ever!"

 

Better for your dates to tell him, 'She didn't seem like she remembered you...."

 

THAT will shut him up.

 

Perfect. I will do this next time, as I have a feeling there will be a next time.

 

With this guy, when Chris asked if I knew anyone else at his office (financial), I was puzzled... "No, I don't think so..." but as soon as he said Mike's name, I did a big huge eye roll. "Oh yeah, Mike. He does work there, doesn't he. Ha."

 

My response was more of a "that guy's a piece of work."

[Emilia]

A little over 400,000.

then I can well believe that Mike knows everyone

 

I'm not being fascetious but why don't you want to live in a larger place, especially that you are looking for something long term? I'm thinking in terms of social dynamics:

- in smaller towns everyone knows your business (as demonstrated in this thread)

- people marry younger therefore there are fewer singles

- larger towns/cities are more liberal

 

I'd like to live in a smaller place myself so I get the appeal but probably not before I meet someone and get into an LTR first, for the reasons above.

[Star Gazer]

The fact your dragging up 6 years past, seems a little weird in the first place, most people would have been "wow 6 years ago, i have better things to do".

 

I'm not the one dragging up anything from 6 years ago. He is.

[Star Gazer]

then I can well believe that Mike knows everyone.

 

I'm not kidding, he was just on the news. He's one of the local station's go-to people for financial questions.

 

As for moving, simply not an option. What little family I have is here, as is the career I worked very hard for. A similar office doesn't exist anywhere except San Diego, and I'm not moving there.

[Emilia]

I'm not kidding, he was just on the news. He's one of the local station's go-to people for financial questions.

 

As for moving, simply not an option. What little family I have is here, as is the career I worked very hard for. A similar office doesn't exist anywhere except San Diego, and I'm not moving there.

Ok, understand. Small town politics it is then unfortunately.

 

The right man wouldn't care. Maybe your date was too concerned about staying on Mike's good side unfortunately. Or something along those lines.

[Treasa]

I only read the first page, but I'm pretty sure I'd be put off by this guy's behavior, and especially the tackiness and drama of, "Well, I talked to this guy, and he said you were crazy."

 

Seriously? Especially on a first date??

 

I wouldn't be socializing with any of these people.

[Star Gazer]

Ok, understand. Small town politics it is then unfortunately.

 

The right man wouldn't care. Maybe your date was too concerned about staying on Mike's good side unfortunately. Or something along those lines.

 

Mike is "above" Chris in their organizational chart. But I don't think that matters terribly.

 

A side note on moving: I considered heading into the city (SF) because it's close enough to home/mom, but after three weekends there, I know I couldn't take it for long... Let alone, the rent/real estate is wayyyyy outside my budget.

 

I can find ways around Mike. I mean, I've dated plenty of men here and this only came up three times...