Fayebelle Posted October 4, 2004 Posted October 4, 2004 My BF has a mouth like a trucker. I'm not prudish about language- but at a point it really does become offensive. I've told him this and he does try to control it some- but when he gets mad it's F#$%&, God#$%&, etc.... This actually bothers me more than random cursing- I find it very intimidating and he always regrets his words later b/c he knows how much they upset me (He curses EVERYTHING that makes him mad- if you only knew the many 4 letter names of the Playstation )- but in the heat of his anger there's no stopping him How on earth can he fix this? I really worry that when we have kids one day he may speak to or in front of them like this and that reeeaally bothers me.
tiki Posted October 4, 2004 Posted October 4, 2004 Getting involved in a church might help give him a guilt complex about it. Preparing for little ones to be around is definitely another. Just make sure you voice your concern. I know I have a potty mouth. I try really hard around the kids to never swear.
Author Fayebelle Posted October 4, 2004 Author Posted October 4, 2004 We go to church- doesn't help much (he really has improved day to day- it's anger that is still a serious trigger) I tried telling him to pretend the cat is a kid- if the cat can hear than so could a child- doesn't help He thinks a miracle switch will flip when he has kids around- I say he has to prove that he can control it before I'll marry- and therefore- have kids w/him. It's exasperating!
tiki Posted October 4, 2004 Posted October 4, 2004 A switch flipped when I had a kid. Seriously. Are you guys new to the whole church thing, or just THAT church?
Stone Posted October 4, 2004 Posted October 4, 2004 Treat him like a kid every time he curses tell him to put a dollor in the Potty mouth jar.. if he stops you made your point, if he doesn't you made some money... LOL
Mr Spock Posted October 4, 2004 Posted October 4, 2004 Honestly, it's not a big F*cking deal. The fact that he's trying not to swear around you shows he's considering your feelings, but verbal habits once started, are like, you know, hard to stop. Give it some time. Get off his f*cking back, woman.
Author Fayebelle Posted October 4, 2004 Author Posted October 4, 2004 We haven't attended for a few yrs before we started w/this church. Like I said- it has helped w/daily life- it's just when he's mad now. Unfortunately God is not at the front of his mind when the B@sterd cat is tripping him or the Damn playstation is pissing him off or I miss the F***ing exit- etc.... The swear jar- I might be a little less offended if I knew it was leading to a shopping spree! JK
Author Fayebelle Posted October 4, 2004 Author Posted October 4, 2004 Originally posted by Mr Spock Honestly, it's not a big F*cking deal. Get off his f*cking back, woman. It is to me- Like I said- I let a lot slide in normal conversation- but I think cursing in anger is intimidating and I won't have it around my children. That's a dealbreaker for me. Why would I marry someone I think would speak abusively around/to me or my kids? I realize a lot of it is habit and he is trying- that's why I haven't dropped him by now. I was just looking for ways to help him.
tiki Posted October 4, 2004 Posted October 4, 2004 The swear jar is actually a good idea! I went broke on that. Wash his mouth out with soap.
Mr Spock Posted October 4, 2004 Posted October 4, 2004 That was intended to be more humourous than anything else-swearing at someone in anger like as in "F*ck you" is a lesser evil when arguing then him calling you worthless...know what I mean?
Author Fayebelle Posted October 4, 2004 Author Posted October 4, 2004 Originally posted by Mr Spock That was intended to be more humourous than anything else-swearing at someone in anger like as in "F*ck you" is a lesser evil when arguing then him calling you worthless...know what I mean? Neither of those would EVER be kosher- He does not swear AT me- I would not tolerate that and anyone who feels the need to call me worthless could have a ball finding someone worthy of their rude ass b/c I'd be gone in a second.
fredrolin Posted October 4, 2004 Posted October 4, 2004 Not being able to control using dirty words in a sign of immaturity. I don't mind alittle cursing if you are in the right company. It irritates the me when people swear in front of children, mixed company, acquaintances, or strangers. It's rude and makes the person using the foul language look ignorant.
Author Fayebelle Posted October 4, 2004 Author Posted October 4, 2004 agreed- not to mention a limited vocab if you really can't find any other way to state your emotions I don't know that I'd call my BF immature, though that's prob why he started- irresponsible seems more like it
tiki Posted October 4, 2004 Posted October 4, 2004 No but seriously, make him put a dollar in for every curse word he says. Or make him do you a favor for every one. Make it fun and that way it won't seem as if you're coming down on him.
Author Fayebelle Posted October 4, 2004 Author Posted October 4, 2004 Well we'll just put that on the last resort/desperate measures list!
SoleMate Posted October 4, 2004 Posted October 4, 2004 I understand completely how you feel, and I do think you've already been flexible enough. I agree that the angry cursing bouts are way worse than just a few words dropped here and there - although even the latter is suboptimal. In addition to the "curse jar" idea, I would suggest handing him a list of tips on other ways to either express or deal with anger that don't take a toll on the people around him. (I use the word "dagNABit" a lot.) And I also think it is essential for you to tell him exactly how you feel about this, and what effect his cursing has on you - both in the short term, and on the plans that you might make for the future.
dyermaker Posted October 5, 2004 Posted October 5, 2004 I've been exposed to rude language since infancy (and certainly in utero), and it hasn't impeded my development. It's naive to think you can stop your child from being exposed to rude language, and it's a simple concept to explain that there are some things an adult can do that a child cannot. I'd be interested in any study that shows exposure to rude language causes any problems?
tokyo Posted October 5, 2004 Posted October 5, 2004 Originally posted by dyermaker I've been exposed to rude language since infancy (and certainly in utero), and it hasn't impeded my development. Sure?
Author Fayebelle Posted October 5, 2004 Author Posted October 5, 2004 Originally posted by dyermaker It's naive to think you can stop your child from being exposed to rude language, and it's a simple concept to explain that there are some things an adult can do that a child cannot. Right - adults can drive -children can't. Children WILL hear rude language- but I want them to identify it as rude and not just a general way of speaking. Morally and for the sake of propriety- I don't believe in parents saying "Do as I say- don't do as I do" Parents- above any other person in a child's life- should be a role model. IMHO
tiki Posted October 5, 2004 Posted October 5, 2004 Originally posted by Fayebelle Children WILL hear rude language- but I want them to identify it as rude and not just a general way of speaking. Morally and for the sake of propriety- I don't believe in parents saying "Do as I say- don't do as I do" Parents- above any other person in a child's life- should be a role model. IMHO As a mommy, I agree. You want the best for your child. And sometimes you can't grasp that until you actually have one.
dyermaker Posted October 5, 2004 Posted October 5, 2004 Originally posted by Fayebelle Parents- above any other person in a child's life- should be a role model. IMHO To a point, that's destructive, because if you think about it, a role model teaches someone the behavior for their role. A parent and a child have drastically different roles. It's good for there to be a certain set of behaviors (drinking alcohol, swearing, staying up late) that a child understands, but doesn't practice. It's healthier that way.
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