Mon_Troppo Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 This particular woman and I have a history: she’s my best friend’s cousin and we started messing around back in college when she came to visit our school. The affair went on for a year, during that time I developed feelings for her and she knew it, but she threw me out once she was swept off her feet by some other guy. She moved across the country and gave up everything for him; her friends, family, work, school, etc. only to get dumped hard when he left her for some up-and-coming actress/model. (Karma?) Anyways, it’s been roughly three years since we even spoke to each other. She’s moved back to the east coast to live with her parents and is trying to put her life back in order. She called me up a couple months ago, we met up for lunch, and not too long after we were back to screwing around. Only this time around things were MUCH more intense: I made jokes about us living together, she was talking about us having kids, etc. Seriously jumping the gun. Maybe I'm paranoid, but one thing that did stick out to me is the odd communication between us when we’re apart. 90% of the time if I call or text her she won’t answer or call back until 1-2am, no matter what day of the week. Keep in mind, she’s unemployed and the fall semester hasn’t started. I bring it up with her, she apologizes and says that she often sleeps in till noon and goes to lunch with her grandparents/friends/parents. (Never clued me in on the remaining hours of her day) This weekend, she texts me at 2am on Friday about how she’s tired from jury duty and working out. On facebook, she’s not making posts of her own but her friends ‘check in’ with her at restaurant, ball game, and some club about how they’re having a blast and whatever. I wait out of curiosity and hear nothing else from her until yesterday (Sunday) afternoon at 6pm after I text her asking if she’s alive. She says the phone goes both ways and if I wanted to be in contact with her I should just text or call. *face-palm* I thought back on all that happened in college, how the feelings are coming back, and I told her I wanted to stop all this because we’re not in a good place (I'M not in a good place.) Also that I'm not going to insist she change for me, so she should just do her own thing. Her response: “Thank you for respecting who I am, I truly appreciate it” and “I’m not going to argue with you. But no matter how this ends, I don’t want you to hate me and cut me out of your life, block me online, or stop talking to me. I don’t deserve to be cut out of your life. Can we still be friends?” I say “If you want”, she responds “I very much want to. You’re special to me.” This evening, she texts me: “Hey, I wanted to text earlier but I was cleaning up the yard. You’re on my mind and I hope you have a wonderful day” I know I said I’d be her friend, but is it childish of me to change my mind and cut her off?
happykat Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 Huh? It's your life!.. If hearing from her is painful for you, of course cut her off. 1
Thegreatestthing Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 (edited) If she couldn't be bothered to contact you till 2am etc you are probably low on her priorities but she is keen enough that she wants you to remain in her life Ego boost? Comfort in lonely times? Genuinely needs you in her life ? seems more likely ,maybe some combination of all. Do you like her? Edited May 29, 2013 by Thegreatestthing
kyle77 Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 I would just cut her off. If the relationship isnt perfect according to you then there is no point in wasting your time. You can either tell her exactly how you want things to be and see if she agrees or you can move on. If you dont do that youll just get hurt and look pathetic the next time she decides to leave.
TheFinalWord Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 (edited) I developed feelings for her and she knew it, but she threw me out once she was swept off her feet by some other guy. She moved across the country and gave up everything for him; her friends, family, work, school, etc. only to get dumped hard when he left her for some up-and-coming actress/model. (Karma?) Personally, if a woman has rejected me in the past and goes for another guy, I never go back. It's a rule I created b/c it has happened enough times. For myself, I always feel like I am her second option after that happens. Maybe its irrational, but you have to be true to yourself and set boundaries you are comfortable with. This weekend, she texts me at 2am on Friday about how she’s tired from jury duty and working out. On facebook, she’s not making posts of her own but her friends ‘check in’ with her at restaurant, ball game, and some club about how they’re having a blast and whatever. I wait out of curiosity and hear nothing else from her until yesterday (Sunday) afternoon at 6pm after I text her asking if she’s alive. She says the phone goes both ways and if I wanted to be in contact with her I should just text or call. *face-palm* Sounds like she is absent-minded or she is dating other men. Most women aren't absent-minded about communication with a man they are interested in. I thought back on all that happened in college, how the feelings are coming back, and I told her I wanted to stop all this because we’re not in a good place (I'M not in a good place.) Also that I'm not going to insist she change for me, so she should just do her own thing. Her response: “Thank you for respecting who I am, I truly appreciate it” and “I’m not going to argue with you. But no matter how this ends, I don’t want you to hate me and cut me out of your life, block me online, or stop talking to me. I don’t deserve to be cut out of your life. Can we still be friends?” I say “If you want”, she responds “I very much want to. You’re special to me.” This evening, she texts me: “Hey, I wanted to text earlier but I was cleaning up the yard. You’re on my mind and I hope you have a wonderful day” I know I said I’d be her friend, but is it childish of me to change my mind and cut her off? No, I don't think so. It's not going anywhere with her and its just hurting you to continue hoping for some change. She probably texted b/c she knows you are serious about walking away. Some people can't handle that and will try to recapture your infatuation. You can write back if you want, but I would take your sweet time about it. I wouldn't get hung up on her. Your gut instinct is saying move on. To me "friends" in these situations means not harboring anger/hate and being cordial in passing. I don't take that to mean casual conversing and hanging out when one of the people has feelings or mistreated you. One thing you are doing wrong is stalking her facebook and waiting around for her texts. That comes across as clingy, indirectly. Ween yourself off of that. Edited May 29, 2013 by TheFinalWord 1
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