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Cold Response from BW


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  • Author
Posted
Fool? How incredibly cruel :(

 

You and her H hurt her and now you get to dictate her actions and response?

 

Me? A little gratitude from her would've been nice.

 

I'll post the emails, you be the judge.

  • Mad 1
  • Author
Posted
:facepalm:

 

Maybe they've already had it up to "here" with the marriage and were trying to save up or work up the courage to get out anyway. Maybe it's just that she found out after the last nail was already in the coffin. Or maybe her husband is such an abusive manipulator that she's bought into and accepted the fact that he will always mistreat her. And that she thinks this is the best she can do. That's not lazy. That's depressing.

 

I agree with you. Women need an organization with posters of men like him. Thing is, they're fun to have a good time with but one shouldn't commit. My guilt for her is what led me to email her.

 

So not only do you have the gall to sleep with this woman's husband, you are now judging her based on a very limited interaction via email.:rolleyes:

 

I DID NOT KNOW THEY WERE DATING AT THE TIME. HE TOLD ME HE WAS SEEING MANY "SPECIAL" PEOPLE. The second I found out I was bye-bye. Also, I was already working on MY own M so didn't have time for him.

 

Save it, you're no better than anyone else. I can't believe some of the leaps of 'logic' in your responses to the situation.

 

I apologize for my harsh tone. I've been harsh in two of your threads now. I just find it very.... agitating.

 

Not a problem I have thick skin.

 

:sick:

 

:sick:

 

Rare moment: I read this and was at a loss.

 

What's so vommit inducing about what I said? I've been played also, OM kept this GF at the time a secret. And was sleeping around with others. The difference is I packed up my toys and moved on.

 

There is something really cognitively disconnected here.

 

Have you considered therapy? Or going for a brain scan at the Amen Clinics?

I'm not trying to be rude, my father went for one two years ago and my family is now saving to go. You have nothing to lose. It can only be beneficial.

 

Really? You just said that?

 

Given the fact that you contacted her to tell her "the truth" why in the world even bother? She doesn't have anywhere near all of the information. You were getting nailed by her husband. More than once. Just..... wow.

 

Right but she has enough information now. And that's just from me. There must be more.

Posted

Weeds,

 

You have to remember the BS owes you nothing. Nothing at all, not even gratitude.

 

You have no right, nor do you deserve, any civility from the BS. As you helped bring down her world with selfishness, deceit, cruelty and such things.

 

Gratitude isn't something you'll be coming by, especially from her.

  • Like 9
  • Author
Posted
Weeds,

 

You have to remember the BS owes you nothing. Nothing at all, not even gratitude.

 

You have no right, nor do you deserve, any civility from the BS. As you helped bring down her world with selfishness, deceit, cruelty and such things.

 

Gratitude isn't something you'll be coming by, especially from her.

 

How about acknowledgement? Or an apology?

 

My email said her H has been harrassing me for 2 years and it needs to stop or we will file criminal charges. And she told me she doesn't have time for the drama, she is aware of some emails from months ago (didn't mention the texts I sent her), and to LEAVE HER HUSBAND ALONE!

  • Mad 1
Posted
How about acknowledgement? Or an apology?

 

My email said her H has been harrassing me for 2 years and it needs to stop or we will file criminal charges. And she told me she doesn't have time for the drama, she is aware of some emails from months ago (didn't mention the texts I sent her), and to LEAVE HER HUSBAND ALONE!

 

Weeds, the very same way you're trying to protect your family is the way she is protecting hers.

 

She acknowledged your mail. She responded, didn't she? Why should she apologize for her H's alleged behaviour? She is not guilty of anything. She is caught in the middle of two warring parties one of whom is her H. You are an outsider who, in her mind, slept with her man. She is thinking about her own world just as you are thinking of yours. You don't want them in yours, she doesn't want you in hers.

 

How do you know that she is not having her own drama to deal with? Perhaps she was saying she doesn't need any more. You have no clue what she is going through and I find it not only unfair, but delusional, for you to label her actions those of a fool. You don't know what she has done, or how she has responded to your revelations IRL. It is not her duty to get xOM off your back but I'm sure she must have reacted appropriately - by confronting her H.

 

I do hope xOM stops his shenanigans. You did what you could. It was a good idea. Don't spoil it by deflecting your frustration. Next time it happens, go the legal route and get that idiot of an xOM.

  • Like 6
Posted
.....I hate that i feel so violated when there are are women out there who truly live in fear. But i do. Every time he contacts me its like he's raping me. I want him to leave me alone....

This is your ex-AP? Hard to tell if he's truly abusive or if you are overreacting. Like others, I do see that some of your thought processes are confused and you could use some help in decision making and thinking about your life. I recommend cognitive therapy. Try The Feeling Good Handbook by Aaron Beck.

  • Like 2
Posted
.....I hate that i feel so violated when there are are women out there who truly live in fear. But i do. Every time he contacts me its like he's raping me. I want him to leave me alone....

This is your ex-AP? Hard to tell if he's truly abusive or if you are overreacting. Like others, I do see that some of your thought processes are confused and you could use some help in decision making and thinking about your life. I recommend cognitive therapy. Please try The Feeling Good Handbook by Aaron Beck.

  • Author
Posted
Weeds, the very same way you're trying to protect your family is the way she is protecting hers.

 

She acknowledged your mail. She responded, didn't she? Why should she apologize for her H's alleged behaviour? She is not guilty of anything. She is caught in the middle of two warring parties one of whom is her H. You are an outsider who, in her mind, slept with her man. She is thinking about her own world just as you are thinking of yours. You don't want them in yours, she doesn't want you in hers.

 

How do you know that she is not having her own drama to deal with? Perhaps she was saying she doesn't need any more. You have no clue what she is going through and I find it not only unfair, but delusional, for you to label her actions those of a fool. You don't know what she has done, or how she has responded to your revelations IRL. It is not her duty to get xOM off your back but I'm sure she must have reacted appropriately - by confronting her H.

 

I do hope xOM stops his shenanigans. You did what you could. It was a good idea. Don't spoil it by deflecting your frustration. Next time it happens, go the legal route and get that idiot of an xOM.

 

Thank you.

 

Doubt she confronted him, this feels like a replay of 2 years ago. She bought the lies then and again now, even with all the proof in front of her. Wow.

  • Author
Posted (edited)
Weeds,

 

You're victimizing the victim.

 

You knew he was dating others, and you were married. How dare you sit in judgement of her?

 

Honestly, you're lying to your own husband yet you have yourself convinced that SHE is the one with issues?

 

You'll never get it.

 

Not judging her, judging her inaction. We all have issues but I don't inject myself into others lives then tell them to leave me alone.

 

This is your ex-AP? Hard to tell if he's truly abusive or if you are overreacting. Like others, I do see that some of your thought processes are confused and you could use some help in decision making and thinking about your life. I recommend cognitive therapy. Please try The Feeling Good Handbook by Aaron Beck.

 

You'll have to take my word for it. He's abusive. I want to move on and he contacts me just as I'm getting him out of my head. Not kosher. Hopefully, she sent him the message to leave me alone and her response to me was just bluffing.

Edited by weedsandposies
Posted

Totally missed my point...

Posted
How about acknowledgement? Or an apology?

 

My email said her H has been harrassing me for 2 years and it needs to stop or we will file criminal charges. And she told me she doesn't have time for the drama, she is aware of some emails from months ago (didn't mention the texts I sent her), and to LEAVE HER HUSBAND ALONE!

 

So you want the BS to apologize to YOU for the fallout you are experiencing from your affair with her husband??

 

Here is the problem. Your email to her should have simply been a heads up about whatever legal action you will take if he continues contact. That is it. You should not have expected gratitude. She doesn't owe it to you especially since you STILL have never told her the whole truth.

 

And while you are judging her as lazy or turning a blind eye. You should turn that same judgement on your own husband ( you won't though because his laziness and blindness serves your purpose).

 

There are plenty of signs there for your husband to see that would indicate there is more to your relationship with MM than you have told him. Wonder why he hasn't bothered to look for the truth?

 

Your husband believes what you tell him in spite of the evidence to the contrary just like MM's wife believes him.

 

Your husband thinks MM is off his rocker and just harassing for no reason because he believes you.

 

MM's wife thinks you are off your rocker and harassing for no good reason because she believes him.

 

The common denominator is AP's who enjoy the love and trust of their spouses and who are exceptionally good liars in the interest of their own self preservation.

 

I think the reason you haven't taken legal action to stop his contact yet is because you think that will result in your own husband finding out the whole story.

  • Like 17
Posted

I am so confused as to why you think you deserve an apology or gratitude from her. Are you for real? Why would she apologize to you, someone who had been messing with her husband, of all people? Or am I missing something?

  • Like 8
Posted

^ you're not missing anything Sweetpea, this is just a very self-entitled OW.

 

She opened Pandora's Box (i.e. pissing off the BS), now she's reaping the terrible reward, and she doesn't like it.

  • Like 4
Posted
Not judging her, judging her inaction. We all have issues but I don't inject myself into others lives then tell them to leave me alone.

 

Also: yes, you did (and are doing that now.) You kinda injected yourself into her life by messing with her husband....

  • Like 6
  • Author
Posted (edited)

I will respond to the posts in a bit but just wanted to update that this morning I received 2 separate responses from 2 different devices. One sounding like she is in disbelief (perhaps her) and another (him?) saying he is out of the country for the next 6 months, yeah right. I don't think it was her that responded last night.

Edited by weedsandposies
Posted
I will respond to the posts in a bit but just wanted to update that this morning I received 2 separate responses from 2 different devices. One sounding like she is in disbelief (perhaps her) and another (him?) saying he is out of the country for the next 6 months, yeah right. I don't think it was her that responded last night.

 

Registered letter.

  • Author
Posted
Registered letter.

 

Next time it will be the police. I'm done with this drama.

 

She sounded hurt.

  • Like 1
  • Author
Posted
Things aren't adding up weeds, you've been in this triangle for years, you've had previous contact with the g/f, now wife according to your previous posts. You and this man have a drama filled history that involves many years of back and forth, according to your own history. There is even one thread where you said she sent you a email threatening you. You and her have a history, it's not like you suddenly decided you had a case of the guilts and decided to inform this woman of the truth.

 

She sent me a few emails a couple months apart. The first few were her asking questions wanting to get at the truth. I did not respond to those (the reason for feeling guilty). The only other one I found was the threatening one. I responded to that one to her. Then a cease and desist was sent to OM. There are no other exchanges between her and I.

 

It seems like just more of the same old drama that has been going on for years. Also you haven't ever came clean with your own husband so truth doesn't seem to be what you are after, just more drama. You can't stand the woman, that is clear from your posts, so I'm not buying it that you wanted her to have the truth, you seem to want drama and attention. You and her have a previous history of going back and forth over a man you say is mentally ill.

 

I do not like weak people.

 

When I found out he led her to believe he was seeing her exclusive, the same time he asked me to leave my husband and that he would drop her in a blink of an eye for me... was the last time he saw me, two years ago. This is truth.

 

So instead of continuing this drama, don't you think the wise thing would be for you to get off the roller coaster. Block them both, let them live their life and you live yours?

 

LadyGrey from your mouth to God's ears. They do not have my personal info. I used a fake account to email her. He contacts me through business, so no way to block. For the past 2 years he has received nothing but SILENCE from me.

 

answers in bold

  • Like 1
  • Author
Posted
Also: yes, you did (and are doing that now.) You kinda injected yourself into her life by messing with her husband....

 

They were not married and I did not know she existed during the A. see post above for details.

 

^ you're not missing anything Sweetpea, this is just a very self-entitled OW.

 

She opened Pandora's Box (i.e. pissing off the BS), now she's reaping the terrible reward, and she doesn't like it.

 

Please don't call me an OW. I will never be second best.

  • Mad 1
  • Author
Posted
What is it you would like her to do? How do you know she has been inactive? It is none of your business how she decides to handle this with her husband. I think you're still hung up on the guy and want her to kick him to the curb.

 

You're right. No one knows how she is handling it. If he never contacts me again I'll know whatever she did worked.

 

Weeds,

 

You have to remember the BS owes you nothing. Nothing at all, not even gratitude.

 

You have no right, nor do you deserve, any civility from the BS. As you helped bring down her world with selfishness, deceit, cruelty and such things.

 

Gratitude isn't something you'll be coming by, especially from her.

 

Unknowingly. I would never purposely hurt someone.

Posted

See that is just what you where regardless if they were married or not. The OW.

 

And even if he contacts you through your business you CAN block him. I would suggest you do so. STOP sending her anything.

 

As for calling her lazy, maybe you should apply that term to your husband too. He has chose to let all your little lies slide right by and not dig any further.

 

If the affair was over two years ago, then why oh why have you even bothered sending her anything? She already knew about you and stopped after the your threats. ENOUGH ALREADY. Focus on your marriage.

 

And remember that any damage you might be able to do to your ExMM, he can bestow upon you too.

  • Like 1
Posted

Having an affair with a married man, wasn't purposely hurting someone, i.e. the wife in this case?

 

I'm sorry, what?

  • Like 2
  • Author
Posted
So you want the BS to apologize to YOU for the fallout you are experiencing from your affair with her husband??

 

Here is the problem. Your email to her should have simply been a heads up about whatever legal action you will take if he continues contact. That is it. You should not have expected gratitude. She doesn't owe it to you especially since you STILL have never told her the whole truth.

 

And while you are judging her as lazy or turning a blind eye. You should turn that same judgement on your own husband ( you won't though because his laziness and blindness serves your purpose).

 

Ouch. He knows more than she does.

 

There are plenty of signs there for your husband to see that would indicate there is more to your relationship with MM than you have told him. Wonder why he hasn't bothered to look for the truth?

 

Your husband believes what you tell him in spite of the evidence to the contrary just like MM's wife believes him.

 

Your husband thinks MM is off his rocker and just harassing for no reason because he believes you.

 

No. He questioned it. The FACT that I have kept silent the past 2 years was enough for him to believe me.

 

MM's wife thinks you are off your rocker and harassing for no good reason because she believes him.

 

Proof?

 

The common denominator is AP's who enjoy the love and trust of their spouses and who are exceptionally good liars in the interest of their own self preservation.

 

Oh please. Just a few months ago I found inappropriate texts on H cell. I know what it feels like. Mistakes happen.

 

I think the reason you haven't taken legal action to stop his contact yet is because you think that will result in your own husband finding out the whole story.

 

Partially true.

 

 

answers in bold

  • Author
Posted
The details of your sitch are confusing despite having read some of your previous threads. You make it even more confusing by layering lies on top of truth at every turn with every other party to the situation.

 

Because I didn't have the entire truth. Still don't. I put together whatever little truths I could. In the end it didn't matter. So I went NC. I wanted my M.

 

No doubt the BW has some sense you are not telling her the total truth. Hence she does not trust your motives.

 

Truth of what? I attached some of his texts and she said she knew about some... she doesn't want to know anything. Which is fine by me.

 

Youre also making a lot of assumptions. She may know far more than you think, or far more than you know about her H.

 

Doubt it. But that's her problem.

 

Add to that, you've said hes abusive and a drug addict. She may be dealing with issues that are at the moment more critical than his philandering.

 

Yet she decided to jump on that bandwagon.

 

You're attempting to control this situation with lies and manipulation. Not surprising you cant.

 

It also seems you are getting something out of this ongoing drama and staying in a triangle with them.

 

If you aren't going to come clean with your H, then the best thing you can do is ignore them and block every avenue of contact.

I really don't want him in my life.

Posted

Quote:

Oh please. Just a few months ago I found inappropriate texts on H cell. I know what it feels like. Mistakes happen.

 

You have no right to say you know how if feels.

 

He sent a text, you slept with someone else and you cannot even let go of that relationship. What did you expect from him? You basically threw away your husband away like a piece of trash. By having an affair you told him that he was not attractive, loving, and/or deserved more.

 

There are times that it has crossed my mind, as a BW, that I could have many men. What stops me is the fact that I would be no better than my FWH or any person in/out of an affair.

 

It is time to get off your high horse. Tell your husband the WHOLE truth and block any communication from the other party.

 

 

answers in bold



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