weedsandposies Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 So at the advice everyone here I emailed xOM wife and was met with a cold response. Some of you told me to expect it. H and I decided against filing an RO since it would forever link us to him and neither of us wanted that. She seemed aloof and actually told ME to lrave them alone! I just wonder if the message got across to stop contacting me and this was a front on her part. Or maybe he got to her email and responded for her.
BetrayedH Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 You did the right thing. It's impossible to know how a BW will react. As well, don't underestimate how her first reaction (what you see) is just that, her initial knee-jerk reaction. You've done your part to allow her to make an informed decision and it's in her hands now. I doubt anyone here guaranteed that this would solve the world's problems. But you did right by her and you should be able to sleep at night knowing you did what you could. And if it doesn't work to keep them away, you still have the RO option. 3
Author weedsandposies Posted May 29, 2013 Author Posted May 29, 2013 I guess i expected her to be more appreciative. She said she knew about the previous contact but i wonder if she even bothered to red the attachments. It's almost like i was bothering her.
Author weedsandposies Posted May 29, 2013 Author Posted May 29, 2013 Lhf-LOL. True. Thanks for the laugh. Would she have preferred cops showing up at her door? .kh who lives in bubble like this? 1
Author weedsandposies Posted May 29, 2013 Author Posted May 29, 2013 (edited) Atheist-i did not know she thought they were exclusive, i didn't even know she existed while i was in the A. They werent married at the time. Not all BS want to know the truth. Some prefer to live a lie. They are too lazy to do the work. Edited May 29, 2013 by weedsandposies 1
Author weedsandposies Posted May 29, 2013 Author Posted May 29, 2013 (edited) So you're saying she was saving face? I'm glad i told her. And even more grateful not to be in her shoes. And yes BS who shrug the truth don't want to put in the energy it takes to work on the marriage. Edited May 29, 2013 by weedsandposies
whichwayisup Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 So at the advice everyone here I emailed xOM wife and was met with a cold response. Some of you told me to expect it. H and I decided against filing an RO since it would forever link us to him and neither of us wanted that. She seemed aloof and actually told ME to lrave them alone! I just wonder if the message got across to stop contacting me and this was a front on her part. Or maybe he got to her email and responded for her. From now on, forget him and her and focus on you and your husband. IGNORE HIM if he calls you. Hang up on him. Delete his emails without reading them. You have to be pro active in NC as well and that means following through on ignoring him on every level! I doubt he got into her email. That was her. You emailed and she responded. Obviously he has lied to her again. Let it go. She is going to take his word over yours, and there isn't anything you can do about that. 1
whichwayisup Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 So you're saying she was saving face? I'm glad i told her. And even more grateful not to be in her shoes. And yes BS who shrug the truth don't want to put in the energy it takes to work on the marriage. But at least she knows the full truth from you. You have hidden stuff from your H about your affair, omitted truths from him. Your exMM hasn't spoken to your husband and told HIS side of things about the affair, right? 2
whichwayisup Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 I guess i expected her to be more appreciative. She said she knew about the previous contact but i wonder if she even bothered to red the attachments. It's almost like i was bothering her. ? Not all BS's want to hear from the xOW more than once or twice. She isn't going to be thankful and buy you lunch. Would your H be appreciative if the exMM contact him? Give that some thought. 5
Author weedsandposies Posted May 29, 2013 Author Posted May 29, 2013 From now on, forget him and her and focus on you and your husband. IGNORE HIM if he calls you. Hang up on him. Delete his emails without reading them. You have to be pro active in NC as well and that means following through on ignoring him on every level! I doubt he got into her email. That was her. You emailed and she responded. Obviously he has lied to her again. Let it go. She is going to take his word over yours, and there isn't anything you can do about that. You sound like my husband. I usually don't respond but he has me on edge. Tonight a tree branch fell on our property and i was terrified. It sounded like gun shots (we live in the suburbs). I hate that i feel so violated when there are are women out there who truly live in fear. But i do. Every time he contacts me its like he's raping me. I want him to leave me alone. And her response was he confining his behavior. 1
Author weedsandposies Posted May 29, 2013 Author Posted May 29, 2013 But at least she knows the full truth from you. You have hidden stuff from your H about your affair, omitted truths from him. Your exMM hasn't spoken to your husband and told HIS side of things about the affair, right? She doesn't know everything only that he's been contacting me after the c&d. Not the truth of the A. 1
Author weedsandposies Posted May 29, 2013 Author Posted May 29, 2013 ? Not all BS's want to hear from the xOW more than once or twice. She isn't going to be thankful and buy you lunch. Would your H be appreciative if the exMM contact him? Give that some thought. I've made it clear if he contacts H all hell will break loose. If he involves himself in my M i will make it my job to make his life miserable... Intolerable.
Author weedsandposies Posted May 29, 2013 Author Posted May 29, 2013 She thinks we slept together one time. Fool.
whichwayisup Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 I've made it clear if he contacts H all hell will break loose. If he involves himself in my M i will make it my job to make his life miserable... Intolerable. Yet you have no problem emailing his wife. Yes I get that he is bothering you and all, but you've allowed it too! You've spoken to him and were about to go meet him as you wanted to talk to him, give him closure and the fact too, you've admitted that you still love him - Stuff that your H has no idea about, how deep your feelings still are for your exMM. His wife knows the truth, so why is it you're afraid and unwilling to confess ALL to your husband? That's the thing about affairs and when they end,, it gets messy. BOTH you and your MM are at fault for all of this. So you make his life intolerable, he'll do it right back to you and the dance will continue on until someone either lands in the hospital or goes to jail. 5
whichwayisup Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 She thinks we slept together one time. Fool. Yet your own husband does not know the real truth, so you are making a total fool of him as well. I really don't understand why you can't see this? You piss on his wife, you're angry at him for not controlling her, angry at her for not controlling him to keep him from contacting you, yet you can't even come clean to your own husband about it all. I am shocked she hasn't called your husband and told him her side of things. Hey, I'm sure that's going to happen eventually. 10
ComingInHot Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 hey weeds, I have to agree w/WWIU " Yet your own husband does not know the real truth, so you are making a total fool of him as well. I really don't understand why you can't see this? You piss on his wife, you're angry at him for not controlling her, angry at her for not controlling him to keep him from contacting you, yet you can't even come clean to your own husband about it all. I am shocked she hasn't called your husband and told him her side of things. Hey, I'm sure that's going to happen eventually." It's sucky to think about all the possible scenarios that could play out no matter how you try to implement detours, roadblocks and distractions. It sounds like you are pretty stressed Weeds, between your attempts to "shut down & shut up" MM & His "foolish" Wife and spending the rest of your time looking over your shoulder, jumping at loud noises and slowly letting the paranoia creep into your every thought, heck I don't blame you* Are You Positive you have given your H "enough" information so He doesn't feel like a fool when/if the "fit hits the shan"? It sounds like your H Wants to protect you, let him but know the more he learns you "omitted" from him the less he can help you... 2
dreamingoftigers Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 So you're saying she was saving face? I'm glad i told her. And even more grateful not to be in her shoes. And yes BS who shrug the truth don't want to put in the energy it takes to work on the marriage. :facepalm: Maybe they've already had it up to "here" with the marriage and were trying to save up or work up the courage to get out anyway. Maybe it's just that she found out after the last nail was already in the coffin. Or maybe her husband is such an abusive manipulator that she's bought into and accepted the fact that he will always mistreat her. And that she thinks this is the best she can do. That's not lazy. That's depressing. So not only do you have the gall to sleep with this woman's husband, you are now judging her based on a very limited interaction via email. Save it, you're no better than anyone else. I can't believe some of the leaps of 'logic' in your responses to the situation. I apologize for my harsh tone. I've been harsh in two of your threads now. I just find it very.... agitating. 6
waterwoman Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 Fool? How incredibly cruel You and her H hurt her and now you get to dictate her actions and response? 8
dreamingoftigers Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 She doesn't know everything only that he's been contacting me after the c&d. Not the truth of the A. She thinks we slept together one time. Fool. Rare moment: I read this and was at a loss. There is something really cognitively disconnected here. Have you considered therapy? Or going for a brain scan at the Amen Clinics? I'm not trying to be rude, my father went for one two years ago and my family is now saving to go. You have nothing to lose. It can only be beneficial. Given the fact that you contacted her to tell her "the truth" why in the world even bother? She doesn't have anywhere near all of the information. You were getting nailed by her husband. More than once. Just..... wow. 6
BetrayedH Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 It's disappointing to hear you call her lazy and a fool. Frankly, you know nothing about her. Are you so high and mighty that you're in a position to judge? 12
findingnemo Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 She thinks we slept together one time. Fool. Wait a minute... You think she is a fool? Seriously? I thought it was xOM who was nuts? How does all this become about her? I know you hoped that she would get angry with him and put a stop to his harassment but that is unlikely. XOM, xMOM is obviously capable of lying his teeth off and making her think you're the crazy one. She's vulnerable to deception because she loves him. She has definitely never seen this side of him or she would be gone. As far as she's concerned, you're a MOW who is crazy and will go to any length to get her man including getting a c&d. The xMOM has her convinced of that. Anyway, she got the mail. She has the attachments and she'll probably look at them. It's pride and self-esteem that made her respond coldly. Put yourself in her shoes, you wouldn't be all warm either. Cut her some slack... 7
ComingInHot Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 It just occurred to me... again but in a different way How we as humans can and will displace our feelings that are or Can/should reflect how we ourselves are feeling About ourselves and another Onto the person/people who deserve it the Least. Case in point, Weeds. It is clear she angry & hurt, not just by MM's actions & choices but her own. I can see it in her jabs at BW. Weeds, I'd like to ask you to re-read your posts, out loud to yourself while looking in a mirror. Remember there are TWO BS's. Remember neither have the truth. Remember You are the only one giving Any information and it is Not complete. Remember You cheated too. Remember You are not just playing MM's W as a fool But your own H as well. Everything You say about the BW w/the information You gave her must also be directed at Your H. Everything you say about how this A is on MM also it is On You. Now deal w/the Only person You can change... You. I don't think you want to Be this half way person doing and saying only the things that protect You and what You want through half-truths, half-lies, omissions and half-accountability. You are One Hundred Percent accountable for Your actions. I believe once you get to this point, no matter how painful, you can Then make changes for a healthier future, M and You* 2
Author weedsandposies Posted May 29, 2013 Author Posted May 29, 2013 Thinking more on this, it's incredibly offensive. Because the BS doesn't act the way you think she should, she is lazy. But, really, you don't know that she isn't taking care of the situation. You don't know that she isn't doing everything in her power to work on their marriage...perhaps she just doesn't want you to know that. And then the fool comment. Not cool. You are doing her and your husband wrong by being selective with the truth, yet she is a fool. So are all BS's fools? Is your husband a fool, as well? Certainly not. Just the ones that turn a blind eye. Everything around her should set off alarms yet she sits quietly in the corner. If she wanted the truth she would've asked for it.
Author weedsandposies Posted May 29, 2013 Author Posted May 29, 2013 Yet your own husband does not know the real truth, so you are making a total fool of him as well. I really don't understand why you can't see this? You piss on his wife, you're angry at him for not controlling her, angry at her for not controlling him to keep him from contacting you, yet you can't even come clean to your own husband about it all. I am shocked she hasn't called your husband and told him her side of things. Hey, I'm sure that's going to happen eventually. Well, perhaps this last email will keep him in check. I really tried to do a service to her by emailing her yet she tells me I'm creating drama? Seriously? And wants me to leave her family alone. She basically regurgitated my email and threw it in my face instead of thanking me. Good lord I did nothing to his wife... didn't even know about her. She should be angry with him! 1
Author weedsandposies Posted May 29, 2013 Author Posted May 29, 2013 hey weeds, I have to agree w/WWIU " Yet your own husband does not know the real truth, so you are making a total fool of him as well. I really don't understand why you can't see this? You piss on his wife, you're angry at him for not controlling her, angry at her for not controlling him to keep him from contacting you, yet you can't even come clean to your own husband about it all. I am shocked she hasn't called your husband and told him her side of things. Hey, I'm sure that's going to happen eventually." It's sucky to think about all the possible scenarios that could play out no matter how you try to implement detours, roadblocks and distractions. It sounds like you are pretty stressed Weeds, between your attempts to "shut down & shut up" MM & His "foolish" Wife and spending the rest of your time looking over your shoulder, jumping at loud noises and slowly letting the paranoia creep into your every thought, heck I don't blame you* Are You Positive you have given your H "enough" information so He doesn't feel like a fool when/if the "fit hits the shan"? It sounds like your H Wants to protect you, let him but know the more he learns you "omitted" from him the less he can help you... The difference is H and I have a life. We have never contacted them, never discuss him/them. It's only when OM contacted me this last time that all the questions re-emerged in H head. It's annoying to say the least. 1
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