Pain is your friend

[LilySun]

Just like most things, the stages of grief are necessary to overcome loss.

 

I find myself remembering all the reasons I loved him, the things that made me happy...because it makes me smile. Then of course, the smile fades when I remember it's over. Then I just miss him.

 

I spent alot of the relationship AVOIDING the things that hurt me. I wanted to be strong and let things slide. I wanted to avoid crying as a sign of weakness.

 

But now, I think about those things more often. And it makes me cry. I tell myself I will never see him again, and it's not what I want, but I know it's true. It really sucks to face the truth because I was so high on a cloud that I didn't want to see it before. I always just wanted to focus on the positive parts. But now I'm finally accepting there was alot more negative things than positive. I hate it, but it's helping me keep from wanting him back. It's beginning to take over the "happy" memories. And now I know, this is a good thing.

 

So I just wanted to say, let the pain come if it you feel it. Pain means it's really over. But if we don't let the emotions ride themselves out, we may never recover. Being as strong as you can is only good for so long...and feeling pain doesn't mean you are weak. It means you are facing the truth and you are a step closer to moving on.

[s.a.i.n.t.]

Thanks for the inspiring words.

[LilySun]

I think the happy memories are what make us struggle the most, and makes letting go drag out longer. Naturally a warm memory isn't easy to forget. They make you forget you are hurting, and set the stage for false hope.

We are encouraged to move on by keeping busy and that is still a good idea. But at any random time, you might get a painful reminder of your broken heart. It's inevitable. If you just push it away then you are pushing away the necessary steps towards grief. So do what you need to do....go have a good cry. Feel sad for a few minutes. Next thing you know, these episodes become less frequent. Avoiding them will only drag out your grief longer.