She needs "space".

[higherground5]

So I did it again. I called her last night because I couldnt bare the fact that this "space" was because of another guy. I sent her an email early this morning and it is as follows:

 

Mistress,

 

Hope all is going well with you. I've been trying to

get in touch with you because I need to know your

honest truth about why this space was necessary. Now

I believe in trusting you, but I'm finding it hard to

think that this was actually pertaining to giving you

space. But I want you to realize that I need to know

you are being completely honest and open with me. I'm

not going to care about the real reasoning behind

this, and I don't care how guilty you feel telling me,

but you need to be open and tell me straight up so I

can have some sense of dignity.

 

When we talked the other day, we agreed to still be

together, but I would be giving you space. And I want

to give you space more than anything it's just that

this needs clarification. Because if it's not about

space, then I don't ever see this working out. This

**** is just starting to piss me off and I don't like

to play games.

 

I know what I want right now, and that's you, and I'm

willing to be here for you, work this out, and give us

time apart, if that is what you want, but I'm not

going to sit here and waste my time.

 

So when you get an opportunity, it would be splendid

if you could reply.

 

Peace, Forbin

 

----

My goal was to come off as kind of a jerk, but at this point I'm deeming this relationship as over, nuff said. This email is a classic example of talking about what I want, and if she doesnt want it in return, then piss off. I called her and texted her last night again telling her to please call me, I didn't hear nothing in return until this morning. She called me at 6 this morning saying she was in bed, but I have a feeling she wasn't. This is probably going to push her away for good, but I had to get this off my chest. This is it, the last draw...no more talky talk, no more phone calls or text messages. I'm through with trying to pursue her; it's just hard because I really do miss her, but I don't think she feels the same way about me, which makes sense though because she's the one who broke it off in the first place. Is this doomed for good?

 

Forbin

[iceisles]

I have never taken "I need space" as a good thing, but I realize that sometimes people legitimately need time away from each other. I think the phrase just has a real negative connotation to it even if the person genuinely means it.

[NatoPMT]

I did so very horribly on my test

 

She’s under serious pressure, she’s stressed about her exams and you are more concerned with the fact she didn’t write ‘dearest’. I know you are hurting but this girl needs to get through her exams and if you help her and support her then maybe she’ll see you as the valuable asset to her life you deserve to be. Forget asking her to grab a beer, forget getting back with her, forget about some other guy, I believe she’s focused on work, not you or some high school bloke. If you get back with her, which if she is bitchy I wonder why you’d bother, but if you do you have issues to address with her, but now’s not the right time to be thinking of yourself and this relationship. She’s not going to react well to that at all. She doesn’t want the stress of having to think about you when she has so much else to think about. Make this easy for her and you could fall neatly back into her life IF you become low maintenance. If you cant, leave her alone to do her exams because this is her future, which she obviously takes very seriously. I know you aren’t hassling her, but its your state of mind that she’ll pick up on if you go for a beer. And that will be too much trouble for her to deal with.

 

you didnt even mention her bad test in your email, i know she's put this on you but from her perspective you arent showing willing to help her through her life and support her.

 

good luck BB

[Scott S]

Originally posted by colforbin5

My goal was to come off as kind of a jerk, but at this point I'm deeming this relationship as over, nuff said. This email is a classic example of talking about what I want, and if she doesnt want it in return, then piss off. I called her and texted her last night again telling her to please call me, I didn't hear nothing in return until this morning. She called me at 6 this morning saying she was in bed, but I have a feeling she wasn't. This is probably going to push her away for good, but I had to get this off my chest. This is it, the last draw...no more talky talk, no more phone calls or text messages. I'm through with trying to pursue her; it's just hard because I really do miss her, but I don't think she feels the same way about me, which makes sense though because she's the one who broke it off in the first place. Is this doomed for good?

 

Well, that e-mail (or shall I say "flame") certainly did nothing to endear you to her affections.

 

I would say that whether you wanted to end the relationship is no longer an issue. That message likely extinguished whatever friendship remained. If your goal was to "come off as kind of a jerk," I would say "Mission Accomplished."

 

If you really needed to get that off your chest, I think a better way would have been to send that e-mail to yourself, and then read it again the following morning after allowing yourself to cool off, deciding then whether you really want to send it to her.

 

Once you cool off, an apology for your tone may be in order, but I would not count on it changing anything. Time to let go & move on. Make this a learning experience, & be careful not to repeat it in future relationships.

 

Good luck to you!

[higherground5]

Yeah, see I asked a girls perspective on the matter. And she said when a guy acts like a jerk to her, that they would worry about losing him/her. I guess I'm trying to present myself as a challenge again. So that's the approach I took right now. This is either going to make or break the relationship..because I am stating what i want right now, and also respecting the space she wants. I mean this does sound a little harsh..but this needs closure. I love this girl and I'm tired of acting like a nice guy around her 24/7. All I want to know if it is really her work etc that is pushing her away for space, if it is, then ill give it to her. I mean I guess I should of trusted her to begin with, but as everyone has been saying when someone wants space, that is a bunch of BS.

[Scott S]

Originally posted by colforbin5

Yeah, see I asked a girls perspective on the matter. And she said when a guy acts like a jerk to her, that they would worry about losing him/her. I guess I'm trying to present myself as a challenge again. So that's the approach I took right now. This is either going to make or break the relationship..because I am stating what i want right now, and also respecting the space she wants. I mean this does sound a little harsh..but this needs closure. I love this girl and I'm tired of acting like a nice guy around her 24/7. All I want to know if it is really her work etc that is pushing her away for space, if it is, then ill give it to her. I mean I guess I should of trusted her to begin with, but as everyone has been saying when someone wants space, that is a bunch of BS.

 

You're entitled to your feelings, of course. I can certainly understand you're not wanting to be left hanging indefinitely.

 

I believe I would have taken a different approach as I wrote about earlier, but then, that's me. Each has to do what feels right for them (assuming that it does not constitute a felony, of course).

 

I wish you well!

[higherground5]

Well, to make a long story short. She did break it off completely. Either way I felt that this was coming. Her reasoning was that she couldnt give me what i want right now and that was a nice girlfriend. Again, this stems from the fact she's a constant bitch around me because of all the things she has on her plate-work, school etc. She said that she can't see me get angry when she's a bitch, and that it's not right for her to be like that around me. I mean it could be a load of ****, but I have to respect her decision. She called me last night to talk about it and she said she can't do this anymore and that she felt really guilty telling me. She said she is unhappy with herself and her life, and she feels that there is nothing she can say to appease me. It was kind of awkward on the phone because we had nothing to say. She then asked if we could meet up next week so she can give me my stuff. This kind of bothered me, so I was like...do you see any potential with this in the future..is this completely over? And she raised her voice, we more or less got off the phone right after that. I mean I just don't get it because she says she wants to be with me, but she can't, and she's in a hurry to give me my stuff? What is going on here?

 

After the phone call I was kind of upset because we didnt depart correctly. Then I checked my email and she sent me this:

 

"Forbin, I don't know what to say, because nothing I can tell you is going to appease you. I'm sorry, but it's stupid that we're yelling at each other. Just please believe me. I'm so unhappy right now with me, with my life. It has NOTHING to do with you.

I am sincerely sorry, Mistress"

 

I replied with this email:

 

"Mistress, I apologize for pressing you so hard, and I do believe what you said. I respect the fact that you need space; one of the reasons being it gives me an opportunity to step back and reassess my own values. You know I will be here if you need someone to talk to, and I wish you all the best, Forbin."

 

So that is that. It is now time to start the NC, which is going to be hard, but I think I can do it because we've had closure. I know that it's going to take a miracle for her to eventually come back to me. The best thing I can do now is get over her and move on. There is apart of me that is hoping she will come around one day, I really do love her. Does anyone have any feedback as to her reasoning for breaking up? Do you think there is any chance of a love relationship in the future with this girl? What should I do? Thanks everyone for your comments.

 

Forbin

[NatoPMT]

Just as I said before Forbin, if you really want to get back with her you have to understand her circumstances, be sympathetic to her situation and support her. She asked for understanding but human nature generally tends to dictate people react the way you did. I think that’s why ‘space’ usually ends up meaning ‘it’s over’.

 

Hoping things get better for you, this horrible feeling wont last too long, trust in yourself and that this was meant to be

[Scott S]

Originally posted by colforbin5

After the phone call I was kind of upset because we didnt depart correctly. Then I checked my email and she sent me this:

 

"Forbin, I don't know what to say, because nothing I can tell you is going to appease you. I'm sorry, but it's stupid that we're yelling at each other. Just please believe me. I'm so unhappy right now with me, with my life. It has NOTHING to do with you.

I am sincerely sorry, Mistress"

 

I replied with this email:

 

"Mistress, I apologize for pressing you so hard, and I do believe what you said. I respect the fact that you need space; one of the reasons being it gives me an opportunity to step back and reassess my own values. You know I will be here if you need someone to talk to, and I wish you all the best, Forbin."

 

So that is that. It is now time to start the NC, which is going to be hard, but I think I can do it because we've had closure. I know that it's going to take a miracle for her to eventually come back to me. The best thing I can do now is get over her and move on. There is apart of me that is hoping she will come around one day, I really do love her. Does anyone have any feedback as to her reasoning for breaking up? Do you think there is any chance of a love relationship in the future with this girl? What should I do? Thanks everyone for your comments.

 

If she's unhappy with her self & her life, there is little if anything that YOU can do about that. At this stage of her life, a love relationship is not going to work for her, for reasons she considers legitimate. At least she has the decency to be honest with you about it.

 

I think you concluded it well. You're right, the best thing for you to do now is let go & move on. It will get easier as time goes by, & with the right attitude, there will probably be another love relationship for you in the future.

 

Take care.

[higherground5]

Hi All,

 

Just wanted to get some feedback on what I should do about her stuff. Should I mail it to her or wait until she calls to make arrangements for an exchange? I just don't know if there are advantages/disadvantages of doing it in person rather via mail. On a different note, it's been 4 days since we have talked. I'm doing pretty well..I miss her, but I'm just more upset by the fact I want her to remember the good times we had instead of the bad times--the bad times started when she went back to school, work etc. Should I voice any of this to her if we speak, or just avoid it all together? I'm just dissapointed that this had so much potential. I'm starting to blame myself for everything. I just hope she comes around, but at the same time I have to move on. Thanks everyone for your help.

 

 

Forbin.

[higherground5]

Any takers?

Today is my birthday and she IMed me wishing me a happy birthday. We talked for about 20 minutes..about the weekend etc. Nothing in tune to the relationship. That was the first time I talked to her in 5 days, and she came to me. At the end of the conversation, I just told her not to forget all of the good times we had in the past 5 years leading up to before everything got ****ty because that's what it's all about. I told her not to respond and to have a great day. That's probably going to be one of the last times I talk to her in a while, unless she calls to get her stuff. Anyway, that's it for now. I miss her.

 

Forbin

[Scott S]

Originally posted by colforbin5

Today is my birthday and she IMed me wishing me a happy birthday. We talked for about 20 minutes..about the weekend etc. Nothing in tune to the relationship. That was the first time I talked to her in 5 days, and she came to me. At the end of the conversation, I just told her not to forget all of the good times we had in the past 5 years leading up to before everything got ****ty because that's what it's all about. I told her not to respond and to have a great day. That's probably going to be one of the last times I talk to her in a while, unless she calls to get her stuff. Anyway, that's it for now. I miss her.

 

 

Happy Birthday!

 

I know you miss her, & you still have those love feelings. That's normal. You will probably have that for a while.

 

It appears that the best you can expect here is a platonic friendship, which, of course, you have to decide whether that's OK. But another love relationship appears unlikely, & as such you may find ongoing contact to be a little painful.

 

Take Care!