Hockeyguy19 Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 She's moved, she loves him, they are together, I am no longer there. She doesn't want me back, ever. How do you say good bye forever? How do you erase 3 years? How can she be so in love with someone new not even 2 months after us? I've never been so low, it's a pain and hurt I've never felt. I feel like I'm almost near the bottom, it's the lowest I've been since the bu, I'm scared
crederer Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 Go hang out with your buddies and sleep with some slag. That'll get you through the next 24 hours, then come back and I'll have some more advice for you at that point. 2
Author Hockeyguy19 Posted May 28, 2013 Author Posted May 28, 2013 Go hang out with your buddies and sleep with some slag. That'll get you through the next 24 hours, then come back and I'll have some more advice for you at that point. I'm going to hang out with a buddy, no desire to sleep with anyone though, not what I want right now.
BustedUpInside Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 Go hang out with your buddies and sleep with some slag. That'll get you through the next 24 hours, then come back and I'll have some more advice for you at that point. I don't know what a slag is but I am going to assume it is not a good thing. Hockeyguy, that is so hard. I am really sorry. However, it is not all bad news. I know it feels terrible right now. You think you are at the worst point, but you really are so close to being better, but you just can't see it yet. You are almost done with the steps for grieving. Once you accept that she has moved on and that you won't be in contact anymore, that's it. It's all done. You can move on too. I am not saying that this will be an easy step, but you are sooooo close. Just a little more accepting and you will be there.
Author Hockeyguy19 Posted May 29, 2013 Author Posted May 29, 2013 I don't know what a slag is but I am going to assume it is not a good thing. Hockeyguy, that is so hard. I am really sorry. However, it is not all bad news. I know it feels terrible right now. You think you are at the worst point, but you really are so close to being better, but you just can't see it yet. You are almost done with the steps for grieving. Once you accept that she has moved on and that you won't be in contact anymore, that's it. It's all done. You can move on too. I am not saying that this will be an easy step, but you are sooooo close. Just a little more accepting and you will be there. I hope so, I've got her (and him) blocked on fb, no phone contact and I'm done with email, I need to treat her like she's dead, because in my reality, she is. I can't be her friend, her study buddy or her anything. She's moved on 100%, I need to start somewhere and I did that with nc, finding this out hurt, I'm an idiot for going to look for trouble, ugh, I'm so dumb. I made it through a rough may with alot going on and thought I now had the time to make repairs. Well I do now, to me. Not us, or her, that's OVER. Forever and ever. I need to pick up the pieces now, this is the worse. I don't ever want to go through this again, I can't believe it would feel this bad.
BrokenHeartedSavior Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Sorry Bud, It feels like absolute HELL, I know. But if anything, it should help you start to heal: there is zero chance of you getting her back- much like me and my ex. Reality truly sucks, but it's a kick in the pants to make you stay away from her. Look at it like this: she's someone elses PROBLEM now. 2
hw172 Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Ask yourself this question- If I had the chance to be with her again in two years, but could not be with anyone else until then, or could meet someone great a week from now but had to let her go now, which would I chose? This question helped me a lot. After all the **** my ex put me through and abandoned me, I could never wait two years to give it another chance. If you aren't willing to wait, I would move on and consider yourself blessed to get out of a relationship that clearly has been damaged. I am 5 months post break up and just said my final goodbye today because I'm so sick of her saying things to keep my on the back burner. It's so not fair and hurts. Make yourself the best version of you. Hit the gym hard, be succesfull at work, date around when you feel up to it, improve yourself. In the long run the pain will subside and you will gradually feel better about the person you are becoming. It's tough **** i know. But you will survive and come out stronger. Try and learn from experience. Much easier said than done though. Best of luck man. 1
Author Hockeyguy19 Posted May 30, 2013 Author Posted May 30, 2013 (edited) Ask yourself this question- If I had the chance to be with her again in two years, but could not be with anyone else until then, or could meet someone great a week from now but had to let her go now, which would I chose? This question helped me a lot. After all the **** my ex put me through and abandoned me, I could never wait two years to give it another chance. If you aren't willing to wait, I would move on and consider yourself blessed to get out of a relationship that clearly has been damaged. I am 5 months post break up and just said my final goodbye today because I'm so sick of her saying things to keep my on the back burner. It's so not fair and hurts. Make yourself the best version of you. Hit the gym hard, be succesfull at work, date around when you feel up to it, improve yourself. In the long run the pain will subside and you will gradually feel better about the person you are becoming. It's tough **** i know. But you will survive and come out stronger. Try and learn from experience. Much easier said than done though. Best of luck man. Great response man, that hit home huge. I could not nor will I wait 2 years for her, she's not worth it, at all. I've been lazy and unmotivated to hit the gym but that motivation is slowly coming back. I've been on a few dates but they were not what I was looking for, think Im just jumping at anything right now and need to step back. I'm learning slowly to let her go and focus on me, I'm seeing that now, light bulb coming on moment. I'm a good guy, I'm active, smart and funny, I'll be okay. Just need to rebuild that confidence. Brokenheartsavior, exactly right, no longer my problem or concern. It's over completely, sucks yes but she didnt make me happy either, so maybe she did us a favour, and it will take time for that to sink in. Edited May 30, 2013 by Hockeyguy19 Spelling 1
ddlovexx Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 You are SO close to a breakthrough! Just hang in there... devote all your love to YOU and you will start feeling great in no time. 1
Author Hockeyguy19 Posted May 31, 2013 Author Posted May 31, 2013 You are SO close to a breakthrough! Just hang in there... devote all your love to YOU and you will start feeling great in no time. I hope so, there are times where I feel great, so full of life and the possibilities that lie ahead of me, but then there are times I just feel soooo down and sad. Mornings still suck the worse, I hate the mornings. The nights are getting slightly better before bed and I'm at least sleeping 5-6 hours a night now. Man breakups suck, especially the ones you never saw coming, but the writing was on the wall, I just didnt read it. Ah well, there's someone better out there, just need to find her someday now 1
ddlovexx Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 It happens but the "low" feelings will become fewer and farther in between. Just work on you and everything else will fall into place.
mtnbiker3000 Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 HG - I am right there with ya. I think were at about the same spot. I'm 3.5+ months since BU and 2.5+ months of NC. This has been brutal to say the least, and whenever I start to feel better, I just crash back down with some new thought or emotion. I just want to be done...Mornings are the worst and sleep is hit and miss. I do OK at night before bed, though. I also didn't really see my BU coming. I knew we were in trouble, but I would have never guessed it was so bad. There were clues, I just didn't see them for what they were, or just didn't want to. Well, at least in future RS's we will be on our toes, right?
Author Hockeyguy19 Posted May 31, 2013 Author Posted May 31, 2013 It happens but the "low" feelings will become fewer and farther in between. Just work on you and everything else will fall into place. That's what I hope, it's summer, it's beautiful out, I need to appreciate all that life has to offer! I need work, need to heal and become happy with me. I'll be okay, just takes time, and that's the hardest part, the time it takes
Author Hockeyguy19 Posted May 31, 2013 Author Posted May 31, 2013 HG - I am right there with ya. I think were at about the same spot. I'm 3.5+ months since BU and 2.5+ months of NC. This has been brutal to say the least, and whenever I start to feel better, I just crash back down with some new thought or emotion. I just want to be done...Mornings are the worst and sleep is hit and miss. I do OK at night before bed, though. I also didn't really see my BU coming. I knew we were in trouble, but I would have never guessed it was so bad. There were clues, I just didn't see them for what they were, or just didn't want to. Well, at least in future RS's we will be on our toes, right? Sounds like we are pretty close to the same spot, I'm 2 months out, nc off and on, broken by me too many times but now I know that I can't break it anymore, it leads no where! Just to sadness and anger. She's done, all the way done. The vacation to Jamaica in February was nothing, and her saying "oh I thought you would have proposed when we were there" was a lie, she didnt want that, or me. Man do I feel used. But your right, I'll be on my toes from now on, I don't even want to have a RS for the next foreseeable future. I hate the loneliness though, it sucks big time. But I need to be happy being with me, and me alone. That's my work, my mission.
mtnbiker3000 Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 Sounds like we are pretty close to the same spot, I'm 2 months out, nc off and on, broken by me too many times but now I know that I can't break it anymore, it leads no where! Just to sadness and anger. She's done, all the way done. The vacation to Jamaica in February was nothing, and her saying "oh I thought you would have proposed when we were there" was a lie, she didnt want that, or me. Man do I feel used. But your right, I'll be on my toes from now on, I don't even want to have a RS for the next foreseeable future. I hate the loneliness though, it sucks big time. But I need to be happy being with me, and me alone. That's my work, my mission. Yeah, I am currently feeling pretty 'used' myself as I look back at the RS. I mean, I proposed and followed her to a podunk town with nothing and no one. All the time thinking we would be together forever. Now, when I look back, I think she knew before any of these things I did, that this was not a permanent RS. Just 'future faked' me for her own benefit and agenda. Totally disregarding my feelings or emotional well being. That really pisses me off. And the weird thing is she is a pretty moral, and ethical person. Maybe she didn't know what she was doing. Maybe she felt good about us during these times, and then things just changed. I really don't know anymore, but either way, I feel used and abused
Author Hockeyguy19 Posted June 1, 2013 Author Posted June 1, 2013 Yeah, I am currently feeling pretty 'used' myself as I look back at the RS. I mean, I proposed and followed her to a podunk town with nothing and no one. All the time thinking we would be together forever. Now, when I look back, I think she knew before any of these things I did, that this was not a permanent RS. Just 'future faked' me for her own benefit and agenda. Totally disregarding my feelings or emotional well being. That really pisses me off. And the weird thing is she is a pretty moral, and ethical person. Maybe she didn't know what she was doing. Maybe she felt good about us during these times, and then things just changed. I really don't know anymore, but either way, I feel used and abused I'm sorry that you went through that man, it's the worst feeling ever, more so for you because you moved with her too. Mine never did that, just moved in with me and never paid a dime for rent to help me or bills. Looking back I have her too much financially and lacked in the emotional aspect. I was stressed between work, school and money and she didnt get it. I know exactly what you mean by future faked, she said she felt this way since last September but didnt know how to leave, well thank you for the loving cards, agreeing to vacations and telling to never leave you because I'm the best part of your life (I burnt that card in the firepit out back, felt good lol but still pisses me off) Ugh this tread is getting my blood boiling and the emotions rolling, man she played me well. I don't want to bitter but like bustedupinside said, as you get older (30 now) it's harder not to feel jaded, but she was 8 years younger than me so I take some responsibility for expecting more. My ex had good morals, but she was the youngest and only daughter so daddy took/takes care of everything for her. So many red lights I didn't see, but can't change the past, only the future. I think your ex might have been like mine, she seen a future then didnt, so she detached and moved on, then dumped you. We're deep in, and they are already gone. No chance to fix it, no chance at getting back. It's tough to swallow but reality always is.
mtnbiker3000 Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 Well, you may be 30, but that's still plenty young. I'm 41 and feel like this is just a huge slap in the face. I feel like I don't know if I have the strength or energy to go through this again. And my ex was younger as well, 31. It seems like at first she was ready to settle down, but then all of a sudden she just decided she didn't want to any more. And, of course I am ready, so bye bye me If your ex was only 22 that may explain a lot too. At that age, they are definitely not ready to settle down. She may have said it a few times to test you and see if you would commit. Which you probably were ready to do. But she was just bluffing I imagine. Who really knows what goes through some one else's head. It's always a risk. A gamble. They say X but think Y... Yeah, my ex played nice up until the end as well. Subtle hints that she was done, but still plenty of fuel for the 'future' fire, that never was to be... WTF?!? And I know what you mean about daddy's little girl. Same thing with my ex. Although pretty independent financially, she was still somewhat used to getting things handed to her on a silver platter. Her Dad was weird like that. I think he was somewhat of a narcissist and had to always be impressing. Always paid for dinner. Always showing off his material stuff. I am the opposite, so we did not get along. He did not like me. Rest of her family did, but not dad. Oh well, doesn't matter now Ok, I am rambling, but just seemed like a good place to vent.
Author Hockeyguy19 Posted June 1, 2013 Author Posted June 1, 2013 Well, you may be 30, but that's still plenty young. I'm 41 and feel like this is just a huge slap in the face. I feel like I don't know if I have the strength or energy to go through this again. And my ex was younger as well, 31. It seems like at first she was ready to settle down, but then all of a sudden she just decided she didn't want to any more. And, of course I am ready, so bye bye me If your ex was only 22 that may explain a lot too. At that age, they are definitely not ready to settle down. She may have said it a few times to test you and see if you would commit. Which you probably were ready to do. But she was just bluffing I imagine. Who really knows what goes through some one else's head. It's always a risk. A gamble. They say X but think Y... Yeah, my ex played nice up until the end as well. Subtle hints that she was done, but still plenty of fuel for the 'future' fire, that never was to be... WTF?!? And I know what you mean about daddy's little girl. Same thing with my ex. Although pretty independent financially, she was still somewhat used to getting things handed to her on a silver platter. Her Dad was weird like that. I think he was somewhat of a narcissist and had to always be impressing. Always paid for dinner. Always showing off his material stuff. I am the opposite, so we did not get along. He did not like me. Rest of her family did, but not dad. Oh well, doesn't matter now Ok, I am rambling, but just seemed like a good place to vent. It's a great place rant, ramble and vent, that's why we're here! Your still young at 41 too, my brother in law (well ex bro in law) is 47 this year, had 2 failed marriages that were both 10+ years and he's found peace and someone new, so there's hope. But I do agree about the slap in the face, it's brutal what some women do. They say one thing then do the opposite I was a little freaked out the first time she talked marriage because I wasn't ready (we were both still in university) and I wanted to get a career and a house first, then think about marriage. In the end I wanted marriage but then she wanted out, so same wants at different times, but I think I might have just panicked at the end, thinking that if I asked her to marry me she would come running back, stupid I know. I don't think I was ready for marriage with her, I just didnt want to lose her, but I did anyways. She played me well with future fire too, all well packing her emotional bags. It's amazing what a person can say to your face then do in their head. Man o man it angers me. I got along great with her family, I still do. Her brother and sister in law like me more then her lol, but I know I need to cut that off too, as ****ty as that is because her sister in law is a really good friend of mine. In the end all this **** doesn't matter, your right, we just need to pick up the pieces and move on.
mtnbiker3000 Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 It's a great place rant, ramble and vent, that's why we're here! Your still young at 41 too, my brother in law (well ex bro in law) is 47 this year, had 2 failed marriages that were both 10+ years and he's found peace and someone new, so there's hope. But I do agree about the slap in the face, it's brutal what some women do. They say one thing then do the opposite I was a little freaked out the first time she talked marriage because I wasn't ready (we were both still in university) and I wanted to get a career and a house first, then think about marriage. In the end I wanted marriage but then she wanted out, so same wants at different times, but I think I might have just panicked at the end, thinking that if I asked her to marry me she would come running back, stupid I know. I don't think I was ready for marriage with her, I just didnt want to lose her, but I did anyways. She played me well with future fire too, all well packing her emotional bags. It's amazing what a person can say to your face then do in their head. Man o man it angers me. I got along great with her family, I still do. Her brother and sister in law like me more then her lol, but I know I need to cut that off too, as ****ty as that is because her sister in law is a really good friend of mine. In the end all this **** doesn't matter, your right, we just need to pick up the pieces and move on. I just don't want a repeat performance. Don't think I would make it BTW - Did you propose??
Author Hockeyguy19 Posted June 1, 2013 Author Posted June 1, 2013 I just don't want a repeat performance. Don't think I would make it BTW - Did you propose?? The day after she dumped me, worst desperate stupid idiotic pathetic decision ever.
mtnbiker3000 Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 The day after she dumped me, worst desperate stupid idiotic pathetic decision ever. Well, maybe, but you just did what you thought you needed to. Actually takes some guts to do it when and how you did... I wouldn't feel too bad about it. What else could you do at that point? You were trying to save the RS and your GF. You at least know you didn't leave anything behind. You put it all out there. Screw it. Screw her!!!
aliveagain Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 Go out and make some new good memories, a city you have never been to, go explore. You don't need anyone else in your life to do that. I used to go on road trips, just get in the car and drive a thousand miles to the coast. Your going to meet some amazing people along the way, take lots of pictures. The positive new experience will replace the sh**y bad experience of your ex with the new guy. The more shocking the more override. It really works.
Author Hockeyguy19 Posted June 1, 2013 Author Posted June 1, 2013 Well, maybe, but you just did what you thought you needed to. Actually takes some guts to do it when and how you did... I wouldn't feel too bad about it. What else could you do at that point? You were trying to save the RS and your GF. You at least know you didn't leave anything behind. You put it all out there. Screw it. Screw her!!! There was nothing left to do, but yes I don't have that what if I did... question lingering, I did everything I could, but she shot me down, hard. Well kinda, she said no but then asked to try it on like 30 mins later, messed up I know. But she doesn't want that now, or ever. She threw it all away, I didn't help by pushing her too far too, but it was her decision. Aliveagain, that an idea. I've had to make a few road trips for my interview process, but it sucked because she always came with me and helped support me during it. It's tough breaking cycles and habits, but I know I will eventually. I just need to get comfortable being single.
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