Arodoehtx Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 Okay so on Sunday, I broke up with my boyfriend of 15 months. He initiated the break up and I'm very upset about what is happening. He and I hung out on Saturday and we seemed fine. Him bringing up breaking up the day after seemed like a bombshell on me. I was really scared about losing him and now I feel that I really need him still. So how did the break up happen? He told me that he feels that we can't continue our relationship in the long run, and he wants to concentrate on his studies for now. He's in college. Yeah but he really wants to break up and he pretty much forced it, which made me the dumpee. I was always scared of breaking up and it came true... He and I are each others first bf and gf. Anyways back to he point, my ex now tells me that he now no longer loves me but still cares for me. He said I deserve someone better than him and that he has disappointed me too much. He said that he won't be giving second chances now, but if fate allows, he and I will be together. Also, he said that he broke up to benefit the both of us and that he feels it's the right thing to do but doesn't want to hurt me. He also said that our relationship wouldn't work out because we argue too much and our values are really different. He always told me that there will always be a way around the hardships and that we wouldn't break up due to arguments. Funny thing was, he now says he broke up because we argued too much. He and I made so many plans for the future and it kills me knowing I can't face my future with him. He said he would like to be friends with me still though. Anyways, I know that he had been crying a lot these days ever since we broke up. Do you think he still loves me although he said he doesn't? I asked him to be honest with me, I asked him if he still loved me the day before we broke up. He said yes and I'm so confused because I don't understand how his feelings for me can change in a matter of hours. Do you think there might be a second chance for me and him to be together in the near future? Oh yes and he doesn't wanna talk about the relationship.
youngbutoldsoul Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 I am so sorry for what you are going through. I can relate with you...the emotions are like a tangled up ball of laces...that you can't untie. You must be feeling really confused and I wish I had all the answers to your questions. I am sure if he loved you (especially being together over a year), that there are still feelings for you but he sounds like his excuses are all over the place. It might be in your best interest to give him space and see what he chooses to do: if he decides to talk to you then you'll know he loves you ENOUGH to want a second chance or if he decides to leave, then that's him resigning from that special spot in your life that you can share with someone else eventually who would never dream of leaving you. Stay strong.
crederer Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 I'm sure he does love you but for one reason or another he doesn't want to be with you and you should take it as such. All that stuff he was saying, he was doing it in order to try and let you down easy, but the reality is that actually makes it harder on the dumpee as it gives them false hope. You should stop talking to him, at least for a couple months. If he doesn't reach out to you by then, it's pretty obvious that he's completely over it. Even if he does reach out to you, it is still likely he is over it unless he says in no uncertain terms that he made a mistake and wants you back. I know it's hard, the first 3 or 4 days were hardest for me, but then it got easier after that. From what I've seen, the only time the dumper comes back is when the dumpee has truly moved on. I mean actually moved on and aren't just trying to convince themselves that they have. I don't know why, but it always seems to happen this way. 1
CelticGibson Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 Okay I want you to understand something. Everything he told you was to keep some hope there and to not come across as the bad guy for rejecting you and hurting your feelings. What really annoys me is that this attitude makes the pain of break ups so much worse because it leaves you wondering what if you did this or said that would or could you change the outcome. The truth is you can't. It's not fair on you at all so I hope you understand that he ended it because he's not interested any more. Give him what he wants and walk away. Do not give him the satisfaction of hoping. I know it's hard since it's fresh but you will get through this. Go No Contact, do not entertain his wish of friendship, move on and look after yourself. It's the best thing you can do right now.
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