I Just Broke Up!!!

[Arodoehtx]

Okay so on Sunday, I broke up with my boyfriend of 15 months. He initiated the break up and I'm very upset about what is happening. He and I hung out on Saturday and we seemed fine. Him bringing up breaking up the day after seemed like a bombshell on me. I was really scared about losing him and now I feel that I really need him still. So how did the break up happen? He told me that he feels that we can't continue our relationship in the long run, and he wants to concentrate on his studies for now. He's in college. Yeah but he really wants to break up and he pretty much forced it, which made me the dumpee. I was always scared of breaking up and it came true... He and I are each others first bf and gf.

 

Anyways back to he point, my ex now tells me that he now no longer loves me but still cares for me. He said I deserve someone better than him and that he has disappointed me too much. He said that he won't be giving second chances now, but if fate allows, he and I will be together. Also, he said that he broke up to benefit the both of us and that he feels it's the right thing to do but doesn't want to hurt me. He also said that our relationship wouldn't work out because we argue too much and our values are really different.

 

He always told me that there will always be a way around the hardships and that we wouldn't break up due to arguments. Funny thing was, he now says he broke up because we argued too much. He and I made so many plans for the future and it kills me knowing I can't face my future with him. He said he would like to be friends with me still though. Anyways, I know that he had been crying a lot these days ever since we broke up.

 

Do you think he still loves me although he said he doesn't? I asked him to be honest with me, I asked him if he still loved me the day before we broke up. He said yes and I'm so confused because I don't understand how his feelings for me can change in a matter of hours.

 

Do you think there might be a second chance for me and him to be together in the near future? Oh yes and he doesn't wanna talk about the relationship.

Edited May 28, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Treasa]

Okay so on Sunday, I broke up with my boyfriend of 15 months. He initiated the break up and I'm very upset about what is happening. He and I hung out on Saturday and we seemed fine. Him bringing up breaking up the day after seemed like a bombshell on me. I was really scared about losing him and now I feel that I really need him still. So how did the break up happen? He told me that he feels that we can't continue our relationship in the long run, and he wants to concentrate on his studies for now. He's in college. Yeah but he really wants to break up and he pretty much forced it, which made me the dumpee. I was always scared of breaking up and it came true... He and I are each others first bf and gf. Anyways back to he point, my ex now tells me that he now no longer loves me but still cares for me. He said I deserve someone better than him and that he has disappointed me too much. He said that he won't be giving second chances now, but if fate allows, he and I will be together. Also, he said that he broke up to benefit the both of us and that he feels it's the right thing to do but doesn't want to hurt me. He also said that our relationship wouldn't work out because we argue too much and our values are really different. He always told me that there will always be a way around the hardships and that we wouldn't break up due to arguments. Funny thing was, he now says he broke up because we argued too much. He and I made so many plans for the future and it kills me knowing I can't face my future with him. He said he would like to be friends with me still though. Anyways, I know that he had been crying a lot these days ever since we broke up. Do you think he still loves me although he said he doesn't? I asked him to be honest with me, I asked him if he still loved me the day before we broke up. He said yes and I'm so confused because I don't understand how his feelings for me can change in a matter of hours. Do you think there might be a second chance for me and him to be together in the near future? Oh yes and he doesn't wanna talk about the relationship.

 

He's right. Find someone who won't throw you away. I don't know about him, but when I have something valuable, I barely let it out of my sight, much less throw it in the garbage.

 

When people are about to break up, they will first get super close to make sure they are feeling what they think they are feeling, or will try to force feelings that aren't there. Don't read too much into what he said or did before the breakup.

 

And I know it hurts, but you will get through this. I've been through so many breakups in my life that I didn't even cry, and hardly noticed, the last three, It was disappointing, and one was hard to shake because it involved emotional abuse, but I got over them all pretty promptly.

[apple OR orange]

i smell a new replacement on his side, he has another woman.... Thats about the only reason a guy would break up like that.

 

Hes telling you all the nice things women tell guys (who just got a new bf and dont want the old one).

 

"ooo will we be friends always"...

[Ninjainpajamas]

He's just letting you down easy.

 

When men break up with a woman they usually like to leave the door open so they can make an entrance at a later time...if their conquests and the grass isn't greener on the other side...meaning they are able to succeed and get the women that they want and desire.

 

Right now he's just pulling all the typical stops and trying not to hurt you too much. Men hate to feel guilty and like the "bad guy", even if they just plain don't love you anymore and want to get rid of you...they leave the friendship door open and the possibility of rekindling things in the future, not for your benefit though but for theirs. So don't ever expect a guy to just give you the hard and complete truth, it makes them feel too responsible, obligation and they'd want to hide under a rock....their afraid of reaction and emotions, they don't want to have to see you cry and heartbroken, they'd rather just put some band-aids on it then move on so they don't feel so bad about it. Not to mention that men do not like ex-girlfriend drama, so they'll say and do things just to minimize that, plus they don't want you doing anything that could jeopardize their reputation or cause them any problems in their lives, they just want a clean break so they're going to be diplomatic and feed you a bunch of feel good sayings, even though you know it doesn't add up...which is obvious why it does not, they're just trying to close this relationship and move forward.

 

Don't listen to the words of men, they are full of empty promises unfortunately...moreso when they are younger. They'll say they're going to do this and that because it sounds good in the moment, but when push comes to shove they take the back door out...very typical, very common. Words must always match actions....always, to be credible....or it's just heresay...now you've learned that for the future.

 

There's nothing you can do or say to win him back, I'm sure you'll drag around on his leg hoping he'll feed you some crumbs and maybe he will....but at the end of the day he doesn't want to be with you, not today or in the future (with the exception of rebounding, men almost always come back for that phase/transition...a few get stuck in it if their options are sparse, but that's not a good deal for you, you'll always be second best)...so move on for yourself, he'll only play games with you from this point, and sadly because of your persistence and foolishness into thinking you can have what you had and go back in time to a place that you think was good...even though he was just saying and being that way in the moment.

 

The more you try to understand his BS, the more confused and heartbroken you will be, because it's never the complete truth...at least he told you he doesn't love you anymore though...that part is true. Move on, or have your face dragged through the mud for no reason....the option is yours.

[AsonUnique]

It sounds like he was pretty honest/fairly blunt and did his best to let you down easy. Unless he's heartless, it was likely tough to say he doesn't love you. Yes, he'll be thinking about you and he'll miss you, but he told you more than enough for you to know that moving on is best.

 

Take a few days or however long you need to let it all out...but then get rid of anything and everything that reminds you of him. (Toss/delete pictures and messages, unfriend on FB, etc...)

 

I'm sure you're not even thinking about those things yet, so take the time you need to let out your emotions, vent here if it helps (it should), and then we can focus towards moving on.

[metal_chick]

For now, there's very little you can do. Lots of relationships get a second chance but most of those don't work out. For now, you need to treat this as if it's over.

 

It'llbe hard. You'll feel prety horrible over the next few weeks, or perhaps even longer. That's all normal. The best way to handle it, is to make sure you don't engage him in any way. That will only prolong the pain. You need to take some time to focus on yourself, process the break up, and make sure that you do not contact him. Do not respond to any contact from him.

 

Anything less than "I made a mistake, can we try again?" is a breadcrumb and must be ignored.

 

You cannot be friends with your ex. It is nothing but pain. This first breakup will be the hardest. But if you learn good post-breakup habits now, future ones will be easy.