He left me for someone else!

[amy10]

This is a bit of a long story but i'll try to shorten it.

I have been going out with this guy for nearly 5 years now, we just moved in together about 8 months ago. we moved into a new city for college so don't really know anyone that well.

 

it's been a month now since he ended it but we have to still live together because we have no where else. we had our arguments but all in all we were really good together. We trusted each other and he treated me so well and said he really loved me.

Then one morning he goes off to college kissed me goodbye and said love you see you later. later on I text him to see when he was coming back coz it was getting late. He text back saying "We need to talk when i get home". this got me worried and i text back saying whats wrong... no reply. He gets home and says look I love you but I don't love you anymore.

 

I was very upset and as you do i pleaded with him to let us give it another go. He said he wasn't going to change his mind and the reason was he had met someone else at college.

 

I was in tears and I said why is it that you think our 5 years together is worth throwing away for someone you just met?( just met as in apparently he just met her that very DAY !!) He smiled and said shes really nice I think i am going to go out with her. I admittedly got angry at him and he told me to get out of "his" room.

 

2 days later he gets up and tells me hes off to the cinema with his new girlfriend . I was completely broken. I managed to take a look at his text messages a week later and it turns out she never replied to him after he sent a clingy text saying he really liked her and it was ok if she didn't like him but he hoped she did. I shouldn't have done it but it made me feel better. Also it turns out according to the time and date on the first message he really did just meet her the day he broke up with me.

 

Now we seem to be getting closer again but deep down I wonder if I really want him back now. I have managed to stop the pain getting to me but I still love him so much. I really need some advice on what to do I am still hurt and confused.

 

also we were thinking of getting married and maybe that scared him off because he did mention he wasn't sure about committing. we are both in our early 20s if that helps.

 

Thank you so much for reading all of this. I hope to get a reply soon

[BustedUpInside]

Wow! He really sounds like he is taking you for granted. Do you work or go to college too? If you don't have any outside friends or interests, then i think it is time that you should get some. From my perspective, it seems like he feels a little bit trapped by living together, evidenced by acting like it is "his" room.

 

I think a little separation will do wonders for you. If you want him back, it will show the both of you that you actually want the relationship and not just the stability of something familiar. If you decide you want to move on it will be a lot easier to do that if you have an outside support group.

 

As far as his little infatuation with a girl from school, I think it might have been a temporary crush based on his feelings of being suffocated. He probably just wants a little bit of freedom, so give it to him. See how he likes being the one who is waiting for you, wondering where you are, hoping that you will be home soon so that he can ask you about your day.

 

It is not easy to go out and make new friends but i really think it would do you a world of good to have some fun away from him.

[Treasa]

Whoa, WHOA!!

 

Ditch this *******. I don't believe in that whole "love of your life" crap, but surely you can find someone who treats you better than this, no??

 

Let's see, he:

 

1. Tells you that you two need to "talks" but doesn't specify about what, KNOWING that those words pretty much instill fear in people.

2. Dumped you for someone he met that day and then ordered you out of his room.

3. Is now trying to get closer since it appears that the other chick isn't playing along.

 

Gee, that's flattering.

 

Get rid of him. Move out. Make him move out. Whatever you need to do. DO NOT teach him that it's ok to treat you like this.

 

If you want to add some creative flair, tell him you just realized that you can do a lot better than him.

[Mana15]

My ex and I broke up for the exact same reason. He said he was starting to have feelings for another girl (we were dating for about 3 years), and I broke up with him right away. The thing is I'm pretty sure he only liked this girl because she liked him. No offense guys, but you are soooooo easy to influence.

 

Basically, my ex left me for something newer, but maybe not as true as our relationship was. And I believe the same thing is happening with your ex, even though he's a complete douch for dumping you for someone who he met that day (in fact, I still can't quite believe this excuse. He either knew her before or he really is a complete mess).

 

Either way, in case you decide to move on, believe me when I say that it's easier when your ex leaves you for another person. This is the 3rd time me and my ex break up and the first time he left me for another person, and it's not being as hard to move on as it was the other times. So you can definitely do it

[Treasa]

Move on. Seriously, do it now. Show him it's not ok for him to do this.

 

Also, YOU need to learn how to walk away from a bad situation so that you don't end up letting men teach you how to be a doormat. Nip it in the bud now so that you don't have problems in the future.

[amy10]

thank you for all your posts. I don't have college now as my course has finished for summer so i am looking for a job. I made it sound like I don't have any friends but I do they are just all where I moved away from.

 

I think you are right I have to show him I am not dirt on the ground and I am a person. nether of us can move until august as our lease for the flat doesn't run out till then .

 

But I am going to try and forget about him for a while and go to visit one of my friends see how he deals with life without me for a bit. We have broken up once before only for a week though but this time I don't feel like I cant move on I think he's gonna realize he lost me for good this time. thanks again guys your posts were really helpful

[BustedUpInside]

Let us know how it goes. If you need some help staying strong or deciphering cryptic text messages, we are here

[crederer]

Holy hell, you are working on things? He left you for a woman that doesn't even want him, and now you're considering staying with him after he got rejected by this girl? You just gave him a free pass to look for another girl, while he comfortably knows that you'll be around if he gets rejected.

 

He is looking for someone else, and until he finds it, you will be around to satisfy his needs.

 

Also, I laughed when you stated how she didn't even go on a single date with him. I hope that deflated his ego as it definately should have.

 

Break up with him, please for your sake.

[amy10]

I know it sounds stupid that I still care about him but i do. I'm not still with him like I said in my first post it's been a month since he ended it. I've just been still upset over it all.

 

But I have decided I will not take him back even if he begs me.. although he still hasn't talked to me about us yet just acted like everything is fine.

 

It's time to say goodbye to him and when august comes I can finally move out!!

 

Thanks for reading through my post I will be sure to let you know how things go

[Mana15]

It most certainly isn't stupid that you still care about him! I think under any circumstance, no matter how bad the break up was, nearly everyone would still care about their ex, just like I'm pretty sure he still cares about you.

 

First thing you have to do is give him space and try to move on. Both you and him are a mess (him because he doesn't know what he wants and you because you're hurt). When both of you become improved versions of yourselves, maybe you will be able to try again, who knows? The important right now is that you stop depending on him so much, if you know what I mean. The important is that you find happiness without him, and when you do, you'll be ready for whatever comes

[KaterinaVon]

No one really falls out of love in one day from just meeting someone new.

 

However, what most likely happened to him is that he hasn't been interested in you in quite some time and he has been leaving himself open to meeting new people.

 

AS SOON as the opportunity arrived he dumped you that same day ! He can't wait to get rid of you that he had just met a complete stranger and for her he was willing to throw away FIVE YEARS with you. It shows he is looking for a good time in college and doesn't want to be tied down to one chick while he is there.

 

The part that I don't get is why you are still living with him. Get yourself a roomate, get a part-time job ( even in the same college you can get a part-time job) and move the heck out.

 

The guy that's willing to throw away all those years with you for some fresher puzz is not the type of man you want to marry anyways.

 

He got together with you when he was 18-19 and has been with you for five years, he wants to try what else is out there.

 

BOTTOM LINE: He was begging that girl for attention while he threw you to the dogs, the ONLY reason he will be coming back to you is because the other girl didn't want him, evident by the way she neglected all his texts. DO NOT take back a guy that takes you for granted. TRUST ME, had that girl been more enthusiastic towards him, he would be *****ing her right now and forgotten all about you. MOVE ON. Get a roomate, get a part-time job and get the heck away from him.

 

No matter what happens now, you will be his SECOND choice, because she was his first pick over you.

[bwasroy]

Many of your responders seem to be ladies, from a guy's perspective dump this douchebag. There is nothing to work on. If he can leave you at the drop of a hat over a girl he just met, he'll do it again. Don't be mad at this girl she has nothing to do with it. There are deep, wide chasms in this relationships and he's taken you for granted. You can do much better!

[amy10]

I wish I could move right now but I can't until my lease is finished on my flat. you'e right hes a douchebag! completely!! And about 10 mins ago he decided he'd come to talk to me about all his life ups and downs and what i am meant to care. He says he doesn't know what to do with his life and doesn't know where hes going with it, ya don't say!!

 

I think i am already at the stage where I couldn't take him back even if he was the last guy on earth. hes hurt me to deep and he won't get a chance to mend that only I can mend me. so here's to my life without him.

 

thanks for you help everyone he is just not worth my love

[bwasroy]

Are you sure you can't move? Are you in the US? Is your name on the lease? Have you discussed leaving with him? I went through a very similar situation a few years ago when I was in my mid 20's, the last few months there felt like the civil war (I was in your situation, my ex did what your ex did). Try to spend as much time out of the apartment as possible. Libraries/coffee shops/restaurants where you can hang out are your friends. Don't talk unless absolutely possible. The lesson I took from this, and maybe you will too, is don't move in with somebody unless you're absolutely certain that the relationship is a solidified good one (probably marriage). You are worth so much more than how you are being treated (from all evidence, you seem like a great girl). Stay strong!

[amy10]

yes unfortunately I definitely can't move and even if I had somewhere to go I can't afford it. I live in the UK and yep my name and his is on the lease. I have mentioned when our lease runs out we need to move away from each other he didn't really say anything. we do talk and we haven't argued or anything in his mind we are doing really well. but in my mind I am falling apart I talk to him because I know not talking would not help me at all. I have been doing like you suggested bwasroy getting out as much as possible doing anything not to be there when he gets home from college.

 

I really thought we were going to get married back when everything was great, after 5 years you think moving in won't change a thing. I should mention I did live with him for a while before until we got our own flat together. I will try to be strong and I just have to let him go

[siankat]

If that girl had given him a chance...he would be with her now...

 

I guess you need to know if that matters to you or you can look past it

 

If you are intent on making it work you need him to feel the burn of what he has done so he will give it serious thought to ever doing it again. As someone else said, back off from him, do your own thing, don't submit to his every need and whim as you may have done before because he needs to earn your trust and heart back and he should know this. If he wants you, he will suffer now and make inroads to be back with you. If not, then he really did take you for granted and you can do better.

[KatZee]

No offense guys, but you are soooooo easy to influence.

 

Agreed. I'm pretty sure males are the stupidest and are easily the easiest to influence on this planet.

 

I truly believe, 2 heads, but only enough blood to use one at a time. The second a guy in a LTR sees something new, it's like they couldn't give any s.hit less about the faithful and amazing girl they DO have.

 

My ex did the same thing. Wow surprising. Seems like everyone's ex does this. Threw away 3 years to go try and date this girl he met at his new job.

 

I'm not so arrogant and conceited, but I know I was a damn good girlfriend, and I about laughed my a.ss off for 3 weeks after I found out they ended whatever it was they had. Really? You're going to toss me out after 3 years and expect a new relationship to work out? Get out of here.

 

I'm pretty sure he's still single at this point, and I'll just sit here smugly about that.

 

Honestly though, him dumping me was the best thing he ever did for me in that relationship. Any guy who's SO easily swayed by a new set of tits isn't worth me, and isn't worth YOU OP. Throwing away 5 years for a girl he met mere hours ago is frankly disgusting and shows such a clear disregard for you, and for the relationship as a whole. I'm willing to bet he's been unhappy for a while and because he thought he found his "fallback" he came out with it.

 

This is exactly what my ex did. Hid his unhappiness, found someone while dating me, she expressed interest back, and he dumped me and jumped right to that. It's cowardice and it just shows this person wasn't totally invested in you in the first place, so it's only for the best that they dump you (as painful as it is.)

 

And truthfully, if you want to break your lease, YOU CAN. They're not going to come after you and arrest you. They just keep your security deposit.

 

You're living right now without that money, I'm sure you can go and move back in with family, or other friends.

[coltsfan1]

Agreed. I'm pretty sure males are the stupidest and are easily the easiest to influence on this planet.

 

I truly believe, 2 heads, but only enough blood to use one at a time. The second a guy in a LTR sees something new, it's like they couldn't give any s.hit less about the faithful and amazing girl they DO have.

 

My ex did the same thing. Wow surprising. Seems like everyone's ex does this. Threw away 3 years to go try and date this girl he met at his new job.

 

I'm not so arrogant and conceited, but I know I was a damn good girlfriend, and I about laughed my a.ss off for 3 weeks after I found out they ended whatever it was they had. Really? You're going to toss me out after 3 years and expect a new relationship to work out? Get out of here.

 

I'm pretty sure he's still single at this point, and I'll just sit here smugly about that.

 

Honestly though, him dumping me was the best thing he ever did for me in that relationship. Any guy who's SO easily swayed by a new set of tits isn't worth me, and isn't worth YOU OP. Throwing away 5 years for a girl he met mere hours ago is frankly disgusting and shows such a clear disregard for you, and for the relationship as a whole. I'm willing to bet he's been unhappy for a while and because he thought he found his "fallback" he came out with it.

 

This is exactly what my ex did. Hid his unhappiness, found someone while dating me, she expressed interest back, and he dumped me and jumped right to that. It's cowardice and it just shows this person wasn't totally invested in you in the first place, so it's only for the best that they dump you (as painful as it is.)

 

And truthfully, if you want to break your lease, YOU CAN. They're not going to come after you and arrest you. They just keep your security deposit.

 

You're living right now without that money, I'm sure you can go and move back in with family, or other friends.

 

This is a bit sexist, and very untrue. If we were so stupid then the wool would never get pulled over you ladies eyes. And woman do this to men as well, it has nothing to do with gender. It has everything to do will loyalties, honor and respect for the commitment to the relationship.

[KatZee]

This is a bit sexist, and very untrue. If we were so stupid then the wool would never get pulled over you ladies eyes. And woman do this to men as well, it has nothing to do with gender. It has everything to do will loyalties, honor and respect for the commitment to the relationship.

 

Being conned doesn't mean you're stupid. Being an excellent liar is nothing to be proud of. Sure both genders do this, but males are so easily susceptible to cheating and temptation.

 

I have a whole group of guys I'm close friends with. They range from taken, engaged, married. What do ALL of them talk about if they're all together and away from their girlfriend? Other girls. Getting ass. Cheating. Hooking up. The hot girl in the corner. Her a.ss. Her tits.

 

Get a group of guys together, and put them in a bar. Or send them away together on vacation. Watch what happens.

 

I watched that happen with my ex. They all went away for parties out of state. A few cheated on their fiancees. Others flat out lied about what went on during those vacations.

 

At the end of the day all it comes down to is sex. And guys are more open about that than females. I feel like that's what any guy wants at the end of the day. He doesn't care about how great a girl has treated him. How she's supported him. How she's sacrificed or spent so much time with him.

 

Flaunt some C and D cups in a guys face, let her kiss his a.ss and promise him the world, and tell him how much greater she is than his girlfriend and he'd be putty in her hands. If there's one thing I know about guys on this planet, they are VERY EASILY manipulated.

[Leigh 87]

A guy who is truly invested will not be able to just get wrapped up in a new girl he barley knows.

 

It is just a way out for them.... They may be comfortable in the relationship with you and be happy, yet the second something new and exciting comes alone, they think "wow I want to go after what I really want rather than drag my current situation out"

 

Had they not met the girl they would probably have strung you along and settled for you for years. Especially if they don't garner the attention of many girls, let alone hot girls.

 

Your better of that he did this NOW rather than stringing you along for more years.....

 

....................................

 

I feel for you OP, I would have felt worthless if my ex had left me for another women. It would mean that what I THOUGHT felt real was only one sides all along. I would question my abilities to feel people and read them at all.

[th90]

Get a group of guys together, and put them in a bar. Or send them away together on vacation. Watch what happens.

 

When opportunity presents itself, why not? My ex threw away 7 amazing years all the while assuring me his principle in life is never to cheat. He cursed at his friends who cheated and lied to their partners. At the end of the day, he was never faithful to me until he has been "tested". And yup, he failed badly at it.

[crazy1234]

How can u live with someone despite knowing he told you once that he fell for this other girl?where did you'r self respect go?I'm so i'm just really mad for what u have decided.He'll come around again after months telling u again he has liked someone else..and then?5 years is a long time i know..But whats the point?Either he loves u..or he doesnt!i hate such men..my ex left me for someone else too.he told me he was unsure of his feelings cause he met someone else...cmon Amy10..i don't know how u can still manage to love this man..think about it..its only a matter of time he does this again..and u'll b even more broken..Ditch him right away even if it means you'r world falling apart.They never mean it..How can you live with this guy knowing you have been his second option cause it didn't work out with that girl??No..don't do this.please don't.What would happen if someday that girl actually starts liking him?did u think about it what he'll say to you again??Anyways m sorry this happened with you but ill b more sorry if you don't ditch this guy right away and move back to your place.

[Mana15]

Agreed. I'm pretty sure males are the stupidest and are easily the easiest to influence on this planet.

 

I truly believe, 2 heads, but only enough blood to use one at a time. The second a guy in a LTR sees something new, it's like they couldn't give any s.hit less about the faithful and amazing girl they DO have.

 

My ex did the same thing. Wow surprising. Seems like everyone's ex does this. Threw away 3 years to go try and date this girl he met at his new job.

 

I'm not so arrogant and conceited, but I know I was a damn good girlfriend, and I about laughed my a.ss off for 3 weeks after I found out they ended whatever it was they had. Really? You're going to toss me out after 3 years and expect a new relationship to work out? Get out of here.

 

I'm pretty sure he's still single at this point, and I'll just sit here smugly about that.

 

Honestly though, him dumping me was the best thing he ever did for me in that relationship. Any guy who's SO easily swayed by a new set of tits isn't worth me, and isn't worth YOU OP. Throwing away 5 years for a girl he met mere hours ago is frankly disgusting and shows such a clear disregard for you, and for the relationship as a whole. I'm willing to bet he's been unhappy for a while and because he thought he found his "fallback" he came out with it.

 

This is exactly what my ex did. Hid his unhappiness, found someone while dating me, she expressed interest back, and he dumped me and jumped right to that. It's cowardice and it just shows this person wasn't totally invested in you in the first place, so it's only for the best that they dump you (as painful as it is.)

 

And truthfully, if you want to break your lease, YOU CAN. They're not going to come after you and arrest you. They just keep your security deposit.

 

You're living right now without that money, I'm sure you can go and move back in with family, or other friends.

 

In my situation (and I'll try to make it short, since this topic isn't mine), from everything I had to accept after the breakup, that was the hardest. That he just left me for something new when we were together for almost 3 years. I still feel some hate for him for that.

 

However, I know our relationship was true and that he really loved me. He probably still does, but he has gone to something "newer" and "more physical".