mammasita Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 I'm really struggling with this. I was doing well, not perfect by any means, but I was getting there. I see my ex this weekend, we hook up and now I feel like he's sucked every ounce of control from me. I'm struggling to get back to that place where I'm indifferent because before I saw him, I WAS indifferent - or perhaps just kidding myself into thinking I was. In any case.....I just want that control and indifference. How?
Author mammasita Posted May 28, 2013 Author Posted May 28, 2013 and the worst part is I have no true network of support here. Yes, I go out and meet people, but I don't have anyone that's on that level where I can just go cry on their shoulder......it makes this so much harder.
Zahara Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 I'm really struggling with this. I was doing well, not perfect by any means, but I was getting there. I see my ex this weekend, we hook up and now I feel like he's sucked every ounce of control from me. I'm struggling to get back to that place where I'm indifferent because before I saw him, I WAS indifferent - or perhaps just kidding myself into thinking I was. In any case.....I just want that control and indifference. How? I don't think you were indiffferent before you saw him. Indifference would mean that you were not in the least affected by him. You were affected, then and now. How? Unfortunately, you just have to ride this out, just as you did that first time around. How did you do it? You got to your "indifference" then, you will get to that stage again. Of course you are struggling. It just happened. I don't think you're going to get back there in a matter of days.
crederer Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 What happened exactly? I thought you guys were like back together. Also, for a woman, if they want to get back with an ex, the worst thing to do is sleep with them during reconciliation, according to some articles I read. Ironically, for a man that wants to get back with a woman, the best thing to do is have sex with them early in the reconciling stages. Just a tid bit there for you.. And you're not indifferent, obviously. Not trying to be mean but it's all right here in this thread.
Author mammasita Posted May 28, 2013 Author Posted May 28, 2013 Im absolutely not indifferent, I know I this. No, last week he started texting me about wanting to "try again". I didn't believe him and wouldn't want to even try right now because his life is a mess. I Hadn't seen him when I got those texts since January....so it was easy to say "hell no". I saw him on Sunday and mistakenly had that glimmer of hope that maybe he changed based on the messages, we drank some and ended up sleeping together. He hasn't changed and I'm feeling like crap.
Jono85 Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 Im absolutely not indifferent, I know I this. No, last week he started texting me about wanting to "try again". I didn't believe him and wouldn't want to even try right now because his life is a mess. I Hadn't seen him when I got those texts since January....so it was easy to say "hell no". I saw him on Sunday and mistakenly had that glimmer of hope that maybe he changed based on the messages, we drank some and ended up sleeping together. He hasn't changed and I'm feeling like crap. Sometimes we need to stick our hand on the stove several times until we become strong enough and smart enough to make better decisions in the future. The short answer is nothing will give you back that control in the short term. It can definitely be built back up though over time. But you have to stick with the program and be completely strict about it (that means you don't message him back if his mom dies got it?). You also need to forgive yourself for sticking your hand back on the stove even when you've already been burnt by it in the past. Not all lessons are learned after the first time. I speak from lots of experience there.
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