WhyWhyWhy Posted October 4, 2004 Posted October 4, 2004 Well, I just ended a year and a half relationship that should have ended a LONG time ago...things were deteriorating, to the point of screaming in public (her at me)...She has also been violent towards me in the past, to the point where I've had to have the police involved A lot of this was my fault for not breaking up a lot sooner...she's crazy jealous, emphasis on crazy, and I just wasn't into it...I was recently divorced (about a year), was over the X-wf, but not really ready to settle down completely (I've always been cool with a monogamous relationship, just didn't want to move in, get remarried, etc., etc.)...She has been divorced for awhile, and was ready for the above...to top it all off, for whatever reason, I just wasn't that attracted to her physically (although she is very good looking to others)... Part of the problem too is that I'm jealous...we've broken up and gotten back together a handful of times, and the last time, she started seeing someone else, I found out, and rushed back to her...probably not a wise move...I probably should have just left her alone then... Sure enough, this time, we break up, and she goes out the SAME night with the same guy from last time (knowing that it would drive me friggin crazy - which it did)... All of my friends say "good riddance," and move on, but I am very depressed...even with all of her faults, I felt like she truly loved me and wanted things to work out...but now that she's involved with someone else (real quickly), I feel that I can't go back this time (nor should I go back)... I'm very confused and depressed, and confused that I'm depressed...what the hell is wrong with me?
Merin Posted October 4, 2004 Posted October 4, 2004 Sounds like your relationship with her took an emotional toll on your self esteem... Sometimes even when you know someone isn't good for you, you continue to lie to yourself (if you will) that you can make things better, or you can change that other person... OR if you've really taken an emotional beating from the other person you even start to believe that YOU can change... and that it will make the relationship better... When there comes that time, that you've accpeted that they are NOT going to change... you are NOT going to change... and there is nothing more that can be done to make things better, then it's like letting go of hope... and I think that is always hard (even if it's irrational) Maybe the reason you're feeling so down right now, is because this time, You've REALLY let go and know for certain... there isn't any going back... so the hope is gone. I don't think there is anything wrong with you... it's just going to take time to move past, find acceptance and be okay again. Wish you the best
EC Posted October 4, 2004 Posted October 4, 2004 Exactly what the first poster said... Also you were together a year and a half so you had a comfort level and even if you weren't exactly getting along you knew she loved you and you did her...but now she's moved on and it feels wrong..her being with somebody else. But its a good thing...We sometimes hold on to things because of the comfort and or either because they love us like we know no one else will and though we dont love them the sameway..we hold on to them in case we don't find someone else who will love us like that but this person always will and so you keep them around.. I think your ego is just a little bruised right now but once you get out and continue with your life things will get easier....
tiki Posted October 4, 2004 Posted October 4, 2004 You're supposed to miss her. You guys just broke off a long-term relationship. Most of your memories of the past year and a half involve her. This is normal, let it pass. It will one day pass, you've just got to let it. G'luck.
WhyWhyWhy Posted October 4, 2004 Posted October 4, 2004 Thanks to all of you that replied...I know you are all right, my ego IS bruised, and I have always had self-esteem issues that no one can quite figure out (my friends and family - even my X-wf - all say I'm a great guy)... She is definitely twisting the knife though...I got a text msg from her about how great her new man is (2 days after hooking up with him) and I can probably expect more of the same for at least the foreseeable future...I called and left a msg that asked her to not call me with that sh*t, but I don't think that's gonna stop her anytime soon... She twisted the knife (me being the knife) with her ex-boyfriend when I met her, and twisted it with her X-husband too... One of the repliers summed it up nicely when she wrote that sometimes we hold on to people we really don't love, but know that they love us, and we just hold on to them because we think no one else will love us that same way...that about pretty much sums up the way I feel... This really sux...but I'll make it through
EC Posted October 4, 2004 Posted October 4, 2004 Yeah that was me... But you know what someone else can and will love you just as much or more... Take it from me...I may be young but I have been there... It just takes time..I'm glad you called her and told her to stop calling you and texting you...u don't need that..and u obviously know she's doing it to make you jealous and twist that knife...but you can grab her hand and stop the twisting whenever you want..... GL keep me posted..
WhyWhyWhy Posted October 5, 2004 Posted October 5, 2004 Like I said in an earlier post, she really knows how to push my buttons...It seems that all that talk about seeing someone else right away was just that - talk - however, she KNEW it would make me jealous and get me on the phone (which she eventually did)... We had a talk (which I shouldn't have done) and we're supposed to see each other tonight...I don't know what I'm gonna do...I probably will see her, but I might just blow it off...I'm really confused... My ego was bruising, but then I felt relieved that she wasn't seeing anyone (yet)...I know I'm being immature about this jealousy thing, and it's best that I'm not with her (I'm always worried about the next big fight - see 1st post), but I keep finding myself drawn back in, and then regretting it about a month later... I need an exit strategy!...I talked to her about the "No Contact" rule after reading about it here, but she thinks that it "wont work"...I told her, maybe not for you, but it might work for me... We'll see...
Ann Posted October 6, 2004 Posted October 6, 2004 You have stated that you have a serious problem with jealousy; she has a serious problem with anger and issues having to do with running after other guys, apparently. When two dysfunctional people get together, it's just never good. How do you work anything out? ever? Neither can cope; so you both flounder. And you keep running back to eachother because though you can't hope to maintain a relationship, you more than likely couldn't make it work with anyone else either. I'd say, cut off all ties with her, get a grip on your own life. If you were feeling strong, and in control, you'd see that you just don't need this, at all, and you'd walk away.
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