Should i leave him?

[scaress123]

So two weeks ago I found out that I was pregnant by my boyfriend of nearly years. He took the news a little hard at first, but I told him.if he wasnt ready that he was more then welcome to.back out with no strings attached. He told me he wanted to stay and raise our child together. Cool, done deal right? We announced everything to our friends and family and we're all cool. Since I've told him I was pregnant, he's been very distant physically and emotionally. He's usually a cuddly person but hasnt wanted anything from me. Anyways, yesterday I was using his Kindle and I found porn. We had a fight months ago about that and he said he would stop watching it. I understand he's a man and looks at it for visual excitement and I didnt get mad... Until I realized he was looking up very specific porn stars and nude photos of celebrities. That I'm not ok with. So today I brought it up to him and he told me that he hasn't been physically attracted to me lately and that before I told basicallyhim I was.pregnant that he was going to dump me. I explained to him that I dont need him in my life and he can leave whenever he wants. I feel like he's only with me due to the obligation of raising our child and I dont want that. I want him to be with me because he loves me. He also told me that he loves me but he's not in love with me right now. Then he turns around and says he does want to be with me and he's trying to devote himself to me. I call bulls*** all this. I told him he needs to get his s*** together and grow up. Either he wants to be with me or he doesn't. I dont need this.

 

So basically, from a male standpoint what should I do? I'm tired of this on and off stuff. It's like he can't make up his mind if he wants to be with me or not. One day he says he wants to marry me and I'm the love of his life, then the next he could care.less about me. It's not like I'm boring. I've offered to watch porn with him as foreplay. I send him nude pics of myself. I've offered for him to take his own pics of me. I've offered to try any new things he's interested in trying sexually. And I'm not ugly by any means. Not to brag but I just dont get it. Am I doing something wrong? Also I found that he's been watching porn long before I told him I was pregnant so I know that's not the reason. And he did explain to me that he's been scared to.have sex with me due to the baby and I get it and eased his mind. I just don't know what to do. If I should hang on to this whim that he's saying he'll get his life together or if I should call it a loss and move on.

 

I dont mind being a single mom. Ideally no it's not what I want for my child but I was raised by parents that went through this. My mom raised me while my dad was a porn fanatic and cheated. They divorced (finally) when I was 16. I dont want to relive that life and especially dont want to raise my kid around that. She was miserable and he treated her like garbage. I feel like that's the path I'm headed down.

 

Sorry for the long post. Would love some advice!

[bwasroy]

So two weeks ago I found out that I was pregnant by my boyfriend of nearly years. He took the news a little hard at first, but I told him.if he wasnt ready that he was more then welcome to.back out with no strings attached. He told me he wanted to stay and raise our child together. Cool, done deal right? We announced everything to our friends and family and we're all cool. Since I've told him I was pregnant, he's been very distant physically and emotionally. He's usually a cuddly person but hasnt wanted anything from me. Anyways, yesterday I was using his Kindle and I found porn. We had a fight months ago about that and he said he would stop watching it. I understand he's a man and looks at it for visual excitement and I didnt get mad... Until I realized he was looking up very specific porn stars and nude photos of celebrities. That I'm not ok with. So today I brought it up to him and he told me that he hasn't been physically attracted to me lately and that before I told basicallyhim I was.pregnant that he was going to dump me. I explained to him that I dont need him in my life and he can leave whenever he wants. I feel like he's only with me due to the obligation of raising our child and I dont want that. I want him to be with me because he loves me. He also told me that he loves me but he's not in love with me right now. Then he turns around and says he does want to be with me and he's trying to devote himself to me. I call bulls*** all this. I told him he needs to get his s*** together and grow up. Either he wants to be with me or he doesn't. I dont need this.

 

So basically, from a male standpoint what should I do? I'm tired of this on and off stuff. It's like he can't make up his mind if he wants to be with me or not. One day he says he wants to marry me and I'm the love of his life, then the next he could care.less about me. It's not like I'm boring. I've offered to watch porn with him as foreplay. I send him nude pics of myself. I've offered for him to take his own pics of me. I've offered to try any new things he's interested in trying sexually. And I'm not ugly by any means. Not to brag but I just dont get it. Am I doing something wrong? Also I found that he's been watching porn long before I told him I was pregnant so I know that's not the reason. And he did explain to me that he's been scared to.have sex with me due to the baby and I get it and eased his mind. I just don't know what to do. If I should hang on to this whim that he's saying he'll get his life together or if I should call it a loss and move on.

 

I dont mind being a single mom. Ideally no it's not what I want for my child but I was raised by parents that went through this. My mom raised me while my dad was a porn fanatic and cheated. They divorced (finally) when I was 16. I dont want to relive that life and especially dont want to raise my kid around that. She was miserable and he treated her like garbage. I feel like that's the path I'm headed down.

 

Sorry for the long post. Would love some advice!

 

F!@# him. You went above and beyond your duty as a girlfriend. If he doesn't love you now, it's only going to get worse. Pregnant women are beautiful, he acting immature and needs to get his act together. Implement No Contact and get on with the show. Congratulations on your pregnancy!

[SincereOnlineGuy]

I'd like to know how far along you are, at least so as to separate whether his thoughtless feelings relate to your physical self, or to the mere idea that you are pregnant.

 

Your, um... daring, where it concerns the intimate photos is a bit telling, although who knows whether the environment you knew growing up had the effect of your taking risks with your sexuality which might not be altogether wise.

 

(note, we didn't see how many years you have been with him - though you tried...)

 

I remain unsure/undecided about which would be best for you. There are scores of people in this world hell-bent on the myth of "soulmates", when in reality it tends to be purely practical factors which cause people to move toward one another, and make a very strong go of leaning on one another (and simultaneously sharing vulnerability) while also allowing the other to lean on them for support.

 

Sharing a child is one of those situations which can impact both sides significantly enough to result in each getting what he/she needs from the joint effort at raising the child (which can bring about the nucleus of a thriving romantic relationship).

 

So the best you can do, for now, is keep assessing this guy, while taking every step toward remaining objective about his interest/effort and then making the best decision for you and your baby with the data you have available at the time you make the decision to stay with him, or go.

[Treasa]

1. I don't give a flip about porn, even specific porn. There are definitely some porn stars I prefer over others. It doesn't mean I actually want to be with them.

 

2. Regardless of whether you stay with him or not, GET CHILD SUPPORT. He doesn't get off the hook for that.

 

3. If he's not making you happy, leave. If you two can't find a way where you're both happy, you have no reason to stay with him. But really, see #2.

[scaress123]

I'm 8 weeks along. I was six weeks when i told him.

[aisuru]

Porn doesn't bother me. I personally refuse to bring an unwanted child into the world, no matter how much I want it. The man has to want it too. But those are my feelings.

 

For you, just know that bringing a baby into this particular relationship is not going to make it automatically better.

 

So you're at the crossroads of what's best for you, the baby, then the boyfriend. You're going to have to make these decisions on your own for you, then deal with whatever the fallout is.

 

I wish you all the best. It's going to be hard and I hope you have a great support system in place.

[aisuru]

What I'm about to say wont be popular, but is what I would do in your situation knowing what I know as a divorcee with a porn freak ex and two kids: get an abortion and leave.

 

People who can't muster humanity when pregnant will treat you twice as bad post pregnancy. Finding a decent partner, living comfortably and accomplishing life goals will be infinitely harder having a kid by someone like that.

 

You get one shot in life, that's it. Knowing what I know now I wouldn't blow the rest of my life on that situation....

 

I'm not gonna lie... This was my reaction to the OP as well.

 

I had an abortion. It was the worst experience in my life to emotionally recover from and I've been through some **** in my life. I would never tell a woman they should or should not have one but I'm not gonna lie.. I'm glad I am not doing the single parent/co-parent life with a man who didn't want to be a father to my child.

 

I will never have another abortion, but I take like 3 safety precautions now. Birth control is not fail proof. Babies don't make poor relationships better.

 

With LOTS of support from friends and $$$$ of therapy, I'm okay with the decision I made.

[aisuru]

Having that abortion was no where near as bad as being cheated on WHILE I was pregnant and then getting threatened with violence from his psycho ow. Working two jobs while going to school part time for a decade while raising two kids in a small apartment that I could barely afford while the porn freak ex screwed everyone in town was way worse than my abortion.

 

An abortion you only have to think about when the subject comes up. Working double shifts back to back sleeping four hours a night for a decade and all the things you could have been if not for raising kids and working like a jerk you ALWAYS think about EVERYDAY for a minimum of twenty years...

 

I commend you for doing the right thing for you. I feel your pain, but know that you sincerely rescued yourself from much more pain. My best to you! And I thank you for sharing with such honesty, I know how cringe worthy making the confession is.

 

Yeah... I'm actually pretty open about my experience, in certain situations. People treat abortion like this dirty little secret, but the reality is we all know somebody who had one, whether we know it or not. Believe me, I know all the facts and statistics.

 

Awww, how awful for you. My situation was different than yours. We weren't even in a relationship! Ugh. Complicated because we come from the same circle of friends, etc. We are both very successful in our careers and I wasn't even worried about the financial responsibilities. It really was because I will not bring an "unwanted" child into this world. Not gonna lie, I wish I hadn't had to do it. It was ****ing hard and I bawled my eyes out for almost a year. I was a walking disaster. It was awful. I know it's not like that for everybody though.

 

I can understand the struggle you went through and cannot imagine. You are stronger than I.

 

Most girls want a "BABY" and forget they have to raise this person into a full functional adult human being who can take care of themselves, with as minimal issues as possible.

 

Thank you for sharing. Appreciate it.