whyme76 Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 This is my first post - I am going to apologize in advance for the length but I think the background may be necessary. I dated someone for a few months last year. I felt like everything was going very well, we were both proclaiming our love for each other and seemed very happy. He had a habit of showing up at my house unannounced to see me on almost a daily basis. At first I didn't mind - I actually thought it was sweet. He was very good about telling me how he thought I was amazing, and how lucky he was. And then a week later right before Christmas he got very distant. We had both travelled to visit family out of state. He usually would send me a good morning text and a good night text. For a week I barely heard anything from him. I could sense something was wrong, so on my 7 hour drive back home I asked what was going on, and where we stand. He said he didn't want to do this via text, but that he thinks we should part ways. He said he was feeling claustrophobic - which shocked me since he was the one who was always coming to my house on his own. So 3 months passed and I never stopped thinking or caring about him. I decided to reach out to him and let him know. He told me he felt the same way, and we started seeing each other again. We both said this would be a fresh start for us. It has been 2 months since we got back together for the 2nd time. twice over the few weeks he has asked to stay at my house to help him with housebreaking the puppy we picked out together the first time we were together. Each time he stayed 5 days at my house - which I thought was a tiny bit odd since he only lives 4 miles away. But he works a lot so I understand needing help with the dog since I was able to come home at lunch and let the dog out. The last time he stayed for 5 days, he got very sick with the flu and I took care of him, waited on him hand and foot. I felt like things were going very well between us. But within the last week he has stopped sending me the good morning/good night texts entirely. The last I saw him was Sun. I ended up getting very sick myself, and let him know. On Monday I let him know I might need help at home because I was sick, and he dropped off soup after work and stayed for 5 minutes. He told me that he found out tat afternoon that his stepmom had died (she was not his mom's current partner though - his mom is a lesbian, not sure if that matters). I tried to console him but he was really cold and said it happens everyday. For the next few days I didn't hear a peep from him - I assumed he was dealing with it in his own way. I texted him on Friday and asked if I had done something - he said no, it's not you. He said "if you are ok can we talk when I get back (from his family about 3 hours away for the funeral), I'm leaving tonight. I said Ok, he said thank you. He then said "do me a favor and have fun this weekend." This happened on Fri, it's now Tuesday and I haven't heard a thing from him. He was supposed to return on Tuesday. I know he has a lot of things to deal with, he has a teenage sister who is pregnant, and his mom lost her job. I understand he is going thru tough times - but I'm feeling hurt that he won't open up to me about any of it. Isn't that what a relationship is? I've spent the last few days miserable becuase this cold distance feels like a rerun of the last time he dumped me. I am mentally and emotionally preparing myself for him to tell me he is leaving me again when I eventually hear from him. I really don't know what to do. I have not contacted him since Sat when I sent a text saying "you don't have to respond, I just wanted to let you know you & your family are in my thoughts." He didn't respond. We are not friends on FB, but his page is public and he posted on Friday night that he is waging an unwinnable war in his head and is feeling lost. Please I need advice. Do I just sit back and wait for him to figure things out, come to me first, even if it means breaking up with me? I don't want to be selfish because I know he is having a tough time, but I am really hurting and it's killing me not to know if he is planning on leaving. Please help.
Treasa Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 He is being a dick and inconsiderate and using you, and you are being a doormat. He puts almost no effort into this relationship, and you give it your heart and soul. Incredibly unbalanced. Ok, he has a pregnant sister and all that other stuff. They should be handling their own ****. He uses you for when he needs things, but then he's there for them, not you? Not cool. I don't think he's interested, and I think you should break up with him immediately. Hell, I'd do it over text. "I don't want to date you anymore. Don't ever contact me again." You're teaching him how to treat you, and it's not a good thing.
Author whyme76 Posted May 29, 2013 Author Posted May 29, 2013 You gave me strength thru your post. I texted him today asking him to please just let me know if he is dumping me. I told him I am hurting all over again like the 1st time, and that his dragging it out was causing me even more pain. He responded asking if he could see me. I just didn't want to face him in person & have him see my tears. I asked again what was going on, and he responded ok, let's just call it quits. So heartless and hurtful to me to be dropped so quickly & coldly over no fault of my own. I keep asking myself, was I too good to him? Was I too kind, too giving? I was so hurt I let loose via text & told him I was tired of being taken advantage of & being his doormat. I said I gave him everything I had & he gave me nothing. He responded that he knows and he is sorry for that, truly sorry and he never meant to hurt me. I said everyone says that & its an excuse to ease your guilt. He said he would leave me alone & not bother me again. Did I mess up not letting him tell me in person what he was thinking? I was being consumed by the pain of not knowing and being dragged along. I called him this evening, even though I told him I would also not contact him again. It went to vm & I didn't leave a message. I hate myself for loving him knowing he was going to hurt me again, in just a matter of time.
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