B1uehunter Posted October 4, 2004 Posted October 4, 2004 Hi there. To start, I would like to say I understand how annoying it can be to read posts by high school aged kids, but try understand that though the situation may seem trivial to you, it is a major part of my life. Ok so, let's begin with who we're dealing with. My girlfriend is a very, Very, VERY nice girl. She's very attractive too. She gets nearly straight A's with what is beyond the hardest course load possible for a junior to take. She does large amounts of volunteer work. She is afraid of roller coasters, scary movies, and bugs, and is something of an advocate against drugs and alcohol. She's also very soft-spoken and gentle. She's practically too pure to exist on this planet, and I really do feel like I love her. But I can't help feel this strong feeling of discontent. I, for one, love roller coasters. I'd also like to go to a concert once in a while, maybe even a crazy teen party or two. And, (believe me, I do feel somewhat awkward saying this), I'd like to experiment a little with my sexuality- and she is unwilling to go past second base until she's married. At least, that's what she says- and although I strongly disbelieve that she'll actually get through college without breaking that principle, I do think she'll be able to get through high school, and that leaves me out to dry. And, probably the biggest one- I often find that she and I have very little to talk about. But I really feel like she deserves a boyfriend that treats her well; and (failing to state this with less than a little vanity) I find myself to be a very good boyfriend. Sometimes I even think that I might be the only thing she really wants. I don't even want to imagine what might happen to her if I just left her for someone else. Believe me- I know how stupid it sounds saying that I'm staying with someone just for their sake. The fact is- it's not just for her sake. We have some very good times together, and like I said- I feel like I love her. But I feel so discontented. I find myself thinking about how it might be with other female friends of mine far more than I think I should. I couldn't bare to live with myself if I cheated on her in some way, but I'm not confident I'd be strong enough to avoid it if the situation ever really presented itself. What can I do? Why do I feel like this? I mainly posted this to organize my thoughts and get it out of my system but I would also really like to hear your thoughts as well- so please, post whatever comes to mind.
Merin Posted October 4, 2004 Posted October 4, 2004 Sounds like there is a lot of things going on here... To begin with, just from what you've said.. (and maybe it's just me here) but it seems that a big issue here for you is the fact that she isn't ready for a sexual relationship. I say this because of how many comments you've made in your thread regarding this.. Secondly, it seems that you may be feeling a little "smothered" in this relationship (again based upon what you've said) that your girlfriend seems to rely on you quite a bit to be with her, and you're feeling like there are other things you want to be doing.. You know sometimes opposites attract.. while she may be quiet and studious.. you may be more spontanious and outgoing.. it doesn't mean that a relationship cannot work, but it does mean that compromise is going to have be on the table. Regardless if you feel she will be able to stick to her belief in not engaging in sex before marriage, that is her choice and decision at this time.. and honestly it isn't okay to even attempt to sway her on that. IF you feel that you couldn't be "strong" enough to not cheat on her IF the opportunity presented itself.. that tells me you're more than likely looking for that opportunity to arise.. because again from what I'm seeing in your thread, the issue of her not wanting to have a sexual relationship really seems to be a big issue for you. The only person who knows for sure what you can live with in this relationship and what is going to be a deal breaker is YOU. However, if you really feel that there are issues that you can't "live with" and you know she isn't willing to open it up for discussion.. then please DON'T cheat on her.. have the courage to be honest with her.
Author B1uehunter Posted October 4, 2004 Author Posted October 4, 2004 Ok wait I'd just like to hit this one early because I know how forum responses can build on each other. The sex thing is small- I don't think I talked about it all that much, did I? Anyway, by cheating I didn't mean sexually, if that's what you're thinking. Also (after scanning through my post a couple times) if you thought the comment "how it might be with other female friends of mine" was sexual, it wasn't. And also, I'd like to point out that there's not a chance in the world I'd try to sway her on her principles, so you dont have to worry about that. Anyway, good response, and thanks for reading/ posting. Carry on
kellyp1 Posted October 4, 2004 Posted October 4, 2004 You really love who she is (you sounded very proud when you wrote all that ) but that you are not in love with her. It happens to the best of us. You might want to think of becoming just friends and try dating other people (definitely does not need to be sexual). You also can't protect her from everything the big bad world is about but you can be there as an friend. And at your age, there is no obligation to stick around and protect her until she wants to leave. You have to take control of your own life and happiness. Good luck!h
Merin Posted October 4, 2004 Posted October 4, 2004 Originally posted by B1uehunter Ok wait I'd just like to hit this one early because I know how forum responses can build on each other. The sex thing is small- I don't think I talked about it all that much, did I? Anyway, by cheating I didn't mean sexually, if that's what you're thinking. Also (after scanning through my post a couple times) if you thought the comment "how it might be with other female friends of mine" was sexual, it wasn't. And also, I'd like to point out that there's not a chance in the world I'd try to sway her on her principles, so you dont have to worry about that. Anyway, good response, and thanks for reading/ posting. Carry on As I said in my first post, maybe it is "just me" or my take.. but IMHO when you said she was almost too pure to exist, went on to say that you want to experiment with your sexuality but she was unwilling to go past 2nd base.. added on that you think of how it might be to be with other females.. and concluded with you didn't know if you would be strong enough to not cheat on her if the opportunity presented itself.. I took from that, that possibly this could be a potential issue in the relationship. Regarding your response to cheating.. you said you weren't thinking of cheating in a sexual way.. I also didn't say you had that in mind.. however you don't have to be having sex with someone for another person to see what you're doing as cheating. Again these were just my impressions..
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