lissa90 Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 So under the influence of a good friend and alcohol we both snooped on my ex (I don't have facebook since I deleted it, so we went on hers) and BOOM, picture of him kissing his new girlfriend. My blood ran cold and my stomach churned. Had to get out of there and go home, I needed to be on my own to process the information. And I got incredibly upset. Not because I still had hope of getting him back, that died a few weeks ago. It was more to do with feeling like he lied to me. That he got over me so quickly and that perhaps I'm not lovable. On a plus note, the temptation to contact him in anger didn't get the best of me. Ugh, I just feel so worthless, that I am so forgettable and that my trust in men has completely been shattered. It was sketchy to begin with..but now. I don't know, I just can't believe he was a wolf in sheeps clothing...he seemed so sincere, so genuine. I honestly thought he loved me, but the fact he has moved on so quick is what hurts.
metal_chick Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 A good friend, indeed... Ghia is right... your friend is a poohead. I would have been an actual friend and encouraged you in the NC philosophy. Now, what lesson have we learned today, hmmm? So what he's moved on? There's no appropriate "timeline" for getting over a relationship. Just because he's over it does not make him a bad person. The person who takes the longest to get over the relationship is not the "winner". 2
BrokenHeartedSavior Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 Ghia is right... your friend is a poohead. I would have been an actual friend and encouraged you in the NC philosophy. Now, what lesson have we learned today, hmmm? So what he's moved on? There's no appropriate "timeline" for getting over a relationship. Just because he's over it does not make him a bad person. The person who takes the longest to get over the relationship is not the "winner". And this is EXACTLY why i won't even drive down her street anymore! Facebook? Super great source of pain. Absolutely WORTHLESS. I KNOW she's bangin' someone else, she has been for a year or more. Doesn't mean it still doesn't sting, but there isn't a damn thing I can do about it. NO CONTACT was the ONLY way I could even BEGIN to get past it! And that means NO SNOOPING! You aren't going to like what you find, no one ever does. No, not all men are evil, nor are all women. "A few rotten apples can spoil the whole bunch" ZERO, AND I DO MEAN ZERO CONTACT! That includes drunken snooping!!
Author lissa90 Posted May 28, 2013 Author Posted May 28, 2013 But one of his reasons for breaking up with me was due to the fact he had so many things from his past to deal with, he didn't feel it was the right time for a girlfriend hence our splitting. Things can't of been rectified in about 10 weeks due to the severity of them..which makes him a liar :s
BrokenHeartedSavior Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 But one of his reasons for breaking up with me was due to the fact he had so many things from his past to deal with, he didn't feel it was the right time for a girlfriend hence our splitting. Things can't of been rectified in about 10 weeks due to the severity of them..which makes him a liar :s "Which makes him a liar". Exactly! Poor him, if he didn't feel it was the right time due to his past, then he should not have DRAGGED you into his crap! Unfair of him. You shouldn't have to suffer for his mistakes. 1
metal_chick Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 But one of his reasons for breaking up with me was due to the fact he had so many things from his past to deal with, he didn't feel it was the right time for a girlfriend hence our splitting. Things can't of been rectified in about 10 weeks due to the severity of them..which makes him a liar :s So? If you hadn't snooped, you would have remained blissfully ignorant of that fact, and you would have continued on your merry NC way. Sorry hon, but you've only yourself to blame for breaking your NC. He is under no obligation to justify his love life to you. You learned a hard lesson today. The best kind of lesson. Ignorance is bliss. Move on. :-) 4
BrokenHeartedSavior Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 So? If you hadn't snooped, you would have remained blissfully ignorant of that fact, and you would have continued on your merry NC way. Sorry hon, but you've only yourself to blame for breaking your NC. He is under no obligation to justify his love life to you. You learned a hard lesson today. The best kind of lesson. Ignorance is bliss. Move on. :-) Couln't agree more. Hence why I refuse to drive past her house (my old residence) I do NOT want to see a new car in the driveway! I REFUSE to torture myself! And she's only a few blocks away. Think I don't know she's with another man? Of COURSE I do. I just can't make her want me back. Therefore I want to know nothing. Metal_chick is 100% right. Ignorance is total bliss. Do yourself a favor, leave it alone for your own good. 1
Author lissa90 Posted May 28, 2013 Author Posted May 28, 2013 You are right. But it doesn't hurt any less.
BrokenHeartedSavior Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 I know that a million times over, believe me I/we do. But I/we promise you, if you don't snoop it'll get better that much quicker. No Contact was the best thing I have ever learned of! Even as a now 46 year old, the idea of it never entered my mind. I wish I'd learned it sooner. Make no mistake, we are all hurting, this is why we're here. But we empower each other to accept, not snoop, and maintain NO CONTACT in order to heal.
Author lissa90 Posted May 28, 2013 Author Posted May 28, 2013 I know! I had kept to NC for the longest time maybe 4 weeks, ignored his breadcumbs, deleted facebook, his number, every one of his emails...and then I succumbed to one fleeting moment of temptation (damn alcohol) and discovered the worst possible thing. Guess there is only one way now and that is up, that's comforting atleast.
Eddie Edirol Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 Lissa, theres two ways to think of this. One way, is you jumped into this relationship headlong and didnt think about whether you these issues you both knew you had would gel together. You have to really scrutinize your partner to make sure you want to fall for that person, otherwise this happens. The other way is IF he hasnt really faced these issues, he will repeat this cycle with his new girl. But if this new girl is local for him, then it holds my theory of not jumping into LDR's simply because to be intimate most people have to actually see each other on the regular. Also, if youre so afraid of getting involved with men emotionally, its probably because you dont know why you have problems with them, and you need to do some research on this so you can stop flying blind. You need to know how to attract the man you want, that way you can be confident that he wont blindside you and bail on you out of the blue. You need to make it so nothing will be out of the blue. Notice red flags, dont listen to girlfriends that dont know what they are talking about, dont let weird things slide, and be ready to shut it down when its not right. 1
KPChick000 Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 Lissa, just want to say that I sympthasize with you. I, too, looked on fb this weekend, and it was a huge, huge mistake. We just have to remember how we feel now, so that whenever we get tempted in the future, the pain will scare us off. Hang in there. You're right- it can only go up from here. 1
Author lissa90 Posted May 28, 2013 Author Posted May 28, 2013 Thankyou KP, it does indeed scare you off from ever wanting to check it again! Eddie, you are also right. I over looked his flaws and the fact our compatibility wasn't there. His new girl Is local to him, so I too believe that long distance doesn't work, although I truly wanted to believe it does..and that love is blind.
Ginko_Mushishi Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 So under the influence of a good friend and alcohol we both snooped on my ex (I don't have facebook since I deleted it, so we went on hers) and BOOM, picture of him kissing his new girlfriend. My blood ran cold and my stomach churned. Had to get out of there and go home, I needed to be on my own to process the information. And I got incredibly upset. Not because I still had hope of getting him back, that died a few weeks ago. It was more to do with feeling like he lied to me. That he got over me so quickly and that perhaps I'm not lovable. On a plus note, the temptation to contact him in anger didn't get the best of me. Ugh, I just feel so worthless, that I am so forgettable and that my trust in men has completely been shattered. It was sketchy to begin with..but now. I don't know, I just can't believe he was a wolf in sheeps clothing...he seemed so sincere, so genuine. I honestly thought he loved me, but the fact he has moved on so quick is what hurts. Yeah... been there, done that. It hurts as hell. I also felt terrible 'cause the last time we spoke she said "you're my one and only love. I'll wait for you forever if it is necessary". Well, it turned out forever was a bit too long... Now she has this douche as a boyfriend. I really don't care anymore. Don't be too hard on yourself. We all like to torture ourselves a bit with that kind of stuff. But now it's time to move on. No more fb stalking (or twitter stalking, for that matter). Go to NC. It's hard an painful... But it'll help you a lot. Get some time for yourself, think of only yourself. Heal and be sure you'll find someone fitting soon enough. 1
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