ThatDudeXO Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 Does it make a difference whether you stop seeing someone on good or bad terms? Whether it's a FWB or a relationship.
Leigh 87 Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 I think it does. It would have been even WORSE forme if I had to not only process the break up and living without them AND also have to immediately process them being with another person, intimately and emotionally falling for them. It would be more to deal with initially, certainly. In the end you should strive to be indifferent and for their actions to not be of your concern, of course. Whether they leave you for someone else, cheat, or leave on good terms, your going to have to deal with the same outcome eventually (them moving on to new people) Break ups just plain hurt, and the aim IS to try to switch off to what COULD be happening. In saying that though, I MUCH prefer how it ended for me; the ex saying the relationship was toxic yet he still loved me and felt the same feelings towards me and would not just be able to get over me fast and he could not even be sure he wanted to break up for good. I feel I have time to process the loss without having to also feel the pain of him already catching strong feelings for someone else, and undermining what I thought we had. Better endings can lead to false hope and hoping to get them back though, which is the only downside to leaving on good terms. However, with strict No Contact, therapy, and acting like they never existed; you can move on from a seemingly open ended break up that can trigger a sense of false hope. Just know that a good ending it is no more likely to lead to them wanting you back than if they cheated.
BrokenHeartedSavior Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 (edited) No. Over is over. Doesn't matter. They'll be with someone other than you! Period. "Better endings can lead to false hope and hoping to get them back though, which is the only downside to leaving on good terms." See Leigh? Same results. Edited May 28, 2013 by BrokenHeartedSavior
coltsfan1 Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 I would have to say yes, I have been on both ends of a good breakup (for lack of a better word). In each case it made things easier to move on from, in both cases it had more to do with mutual respect and maturity. We both respected each other and were honest so we didn't leave each other with questions and hurt feelings.
Giha Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 I suppose the bottom line is that its over either way, but I'm kind of happy I didn't make a mess of things when she broke up with me, though I easily could... I tried to see if there was a way to make it work but she was already gone. I wished her all the happiness in the world and best of luck with whatever she turns to, and hung up. That was the last I've heard from her. Getting mad and angry with her would not have made me feel better, maybe I'd even feel ashamed for flipping on her, though I had every right to. I donno. In the end it makes little different. She's gone either way.
Emilia Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 Does it make a difference whether you stop seeing someone on good or bad terms? Whether it's a FWB or a relationship. Yes of course. I'm not a savage. If the person meant anything, you will care how they feel and you won't want to have bad blood between you anyways.
CelticGibson Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 I think it's helpful for your own feelings. It's better to not harbour hatred or anger because that just consumes you regardless of the outcome. It has not effect on what transpires afterwards because they will move on and be with someone else but at least you won't be sitting there stewing in bad thoughts.
MrRightNow Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 It's obviously healthier to end on good terms without any bitterness, but sometimes it's just not possible.
Leigh 87 Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 No. Over is over. Doesn't matter. They'll be with someone other than you! Period. "Better endings can lead to false hope and hoping to get them back though, which is the only downside to leaving on good terms." See Leigh? Same results. No. Very different results. I would have felt COMPLETELY different had he suddenly left for someone else. I would have felt MORE pain initially, being blindsided and having to deal with them already hooking up. ................... The LONG term result is the same: you have to kiss that person goodbye forever. Short term it would hurt way more if you were betrayed and forced in having to picture them with other people right away.
BrokenHeartedSavior Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 No. Very different results. I would have felt COMPLETELY different had he suddenly left for someone else. I would have felt MORE pain initially, being blindsided and having to deal with them already hooking up. ...................K The LONG term result is the same: you have to kiss that person goodbye forever. Short term it would hurt way more if you were betrayed and forced in having to picture them with other people right away. Ok, guess I can't disagree with that. But you'll never really know if he didn't, will you? I KNOW my ex girl is/was with someone else last night. Painful? F$&K yeah! Yet not one damned thing I can do about it. I prefer to stay out of it completely!!!! That's why I prefer not to think about her, whoever he is, them together, or let my thoughts run wild. In either case, NOTHING is different. You cannot change the outcome. Wasted energy Leigh, believe me.
BrokenHeartedSavior Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 Funny note here: your beloved "Andrew" is the very name of the brother of my lost live "Erica" Know what Leigh? Names don't mean S&@T! I'm ONLY telling you that in order for you to learn to DISASSOCIATE Yourself from that name! Make them "nameless"!! I tend to use "she" rather than her true name. Not because it matters on the forum, but simply because that's how I formerly KNEW her. She's just a stranger now, as will become your ex Fact. 1
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