chow538 Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 Hi there I am 23 years old and have been going with my girl for almost 2 months now, and I really thought everything was going smoothly. But the last time that we hung out we were together from Friday till Monday and Monday was memorial day. She dropped me off and told me we needed to talk. She said she we are moving too fast for her. But really I thought we were just chilling because I have been doing the same stuff all the time. Holding hands, talking to her, making jokes, telling her she looks pretty, tickling her sometimes. And just all in all making sure that she was happy around me. I slept all weekend at her house thinking that it was okay, and she never said no to me staying over. Then later on after she dropped me off she sent a text saying I do like you being with me but for awhile it felt like we were getting close too fast I just need space every once in awhile, I kind of felt smothered. So I was wondering exactly what is smothering, and how do I stop smothering and make sure that I show her that I still like her without the smothering. I really like this girl and she likes me too and I just want to make sure everything returns to being cool. (by the way, this is my first real relationship I have had. So any and all information would be greatly appreciated.)
Pisces13 Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 Hmmm, did she actually ask you to stay over for that long? Or did you kind of just go with the flow and just ended up staying on your own accord? Smothering would generally be considered as you trying to move the relationship too quickly, spending too much time together etc. which is probably what she was feeling over the weekend. Sometimes you just need to read between the lines and know when it's time to head home lol.
clia Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 What is considered "smothering" in a relationship depends on the person. Some people practically want to move in together after the first date; others need more space. You are now getting a glimpse into what your girl considers to be smothering, and how much space she needs. For her, three days in a row together felt like too much. It doesn't mean things aren't going smoothly -- the two of you may just have different view on how much time you want to spend together at this point. I've had similar issues with my boyfriend. I need a lot of space; he doesn't. We are working it out. Like you, he has no problem spending all weekend at my house. This is too much for me. I need my space! You claim she didn't ask you to leave. But did she ask you to stay all weekend? How did it come about that you stayed all weekend? Do you know how uncomfortable that is for her to feel like she has to tell you to leave? She obviously likes you -- she doesn't want to have to ask you to leave. It makes her feel bad. You should realize that sitting at someone's house for three days at two months into a relationship might be a little much too handle. Didn't you have anything else to do all weekend? I'd be really surprised if she wasn't trying to drop hints to get you to leave. Think back over the three day weekend that you spent at her house. Did you ever notice her getting quiet or seeming annoyed? Was she trying to do things like laundry, going to the grocery store, cleaning her house, speaking with her friends on the phone while you were sitting there? What did the two of you do all weekend? All is not lost. But you really need to take a step back. When you stay the night at her house, leave the next day, at least for a few hours. Don't make her have to ask you to leave. Don't invite yourself over to spend all weekend at her house. I know you want to spend time with her, but that can really be overwhelming. 2
Author chow538 Posted May 29, 2013 Author Posted May 29, 2013 well actually she never she never hinted at it. to leave or get annoyed. we worked out together, watched some movies, there was once that she started to do laundry but she just turned the machine on and thats about it. Other then that i think yall are right i need to take only like 1 or 2 days out of the week to hang out with her, not spend two days in a row with her.Also, when should i text her, like this happened last weekend and i have not texted her since monday asking you know what happened and i found out that i smothered her. When should i say like hey, whats up how are you doing? i did not say anything tuesday i just kind of let it soak in. i want to give her the space when is a good time to start texting again?
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