i love my ex, trying to save friendship, dating someone he HATES

[girlie123]

i broke up with my boyfriend about a week ago. we've been talking about it for a long time, and we've also broken up once before. we were together for a year and a half.

 

now one of our friends wants to date me, but my ex absolutely hates this guy. he's never been particularly nice t my ex, because he has been interested in dating me.

 

part of me really likes this guy; he's very very smart and we have a lot in common. we always have terrific fun whe we hang out.

 

the other part of me, which still cares deeply for my ex (we are still friends and see each other every day, which is probably a mistake when it comes to healing), knows that dating this person and getting close to him is going to destroy my friendship with my ex.

 

how do i handle this? say no to a dating opportunity because it would hurt my ex's feelings? my ex says he going to stop contacting me if i date this person. he says it would be too painful to watch, and even now, he tells me he gets sick to his stomach to see us talking. i understand, but how fair is it to limit myself?

 

any advice would be so great. thank you!

[Merin]

Well while I can understand that you want to remain friends with your EX... I really don't think it's up to him to decide who is appropriate for you to date or not date...

 

He doesn't have to like the person you choose to date... and I feel pretty certain that regardless of whom you choose to date he isn't going to like them... or tell you "good job on that" know what I'm saying?

 

The relationship between the two of you has ended... so IF you're really over it and have zero plans of trying to reconcile... then I think you need to stop putting his wishes before your own.

 

My two cents

[Splatty]

Couple of things to be aware of I guess. First of all are you ready for a relationship with this new guy? After a week of being broken up there is a good chance that it would just be a rebound.

 

If your friend has been waiting to date you, I think it is in his and in your best interest to wait a little longer. It will allow you to figure out what you really want to date the friend, will allow you to figure out how you want to deal with your ex and if you decide to go you with the friend it will have a honest chance at working (not be a rebound).

 

Of course you are the person who is best qualified to decide if you are truly ready to date the friend.

[misha&makulu]

I agree with Splatty. To start a new relationship with whoever you'd like is your decision to make. Your ex's feeling could be considered, but should not be a deciding factor. His threatening to end the friendship with you if you date this other friend is purely manipulation.