Share Your Stories to Scare Me

May 28, 2013

I kept breaking NC and I know he thinks that he will be able to just keep texting occasionally to check up on me. I know he will try to have me in his life even just via text and occasionally torturing me with the " come and see the dogs and puppies"

I did not show him that I could be taken seriously with NC. He was just like " I respect your decision but come you just said goodbye the other day and then texted. We will still talk come on, we are such close people to one another"

He thinks because he is not sleeping around yet and is not ready for it, that we can just be friends and "close people" to each other. Yet without sex or being together. That is what he would say he wanted before NC - he wanted to hold my freakin hand and act all lovey but WITHOUT sex and WITHOUT hope of getting back together.
And yes I Know for a fact he is not sleeping around, as he is still overcoming the shock of losing his other half so to speak.

Still though, he will move on even if we hang out!!! Since he will not just get the feelings back that will compel him to be with me. I cannot make him change the way he feels about me if he lacks the emotions to want me in a relationship.

Being around him would hold him back from moving on for a while but fck, I am the one who is still IN LOVE with him enough to want a relationship; he obviously does not feel as strongly, or he would not be so ADAMANT about "not being together for now"

I am the one who would end up FCKWED over; he would just move on to someone else.

Why won't you quit with what he thinks, wants, feels, will do?

I don't know all the particulars of "no contact" besides the obvious but constantly talking about what's going on in his head and his life in EVERY. SINGLE. POST that you write cannot be a part of it.

Can you have some self discipline and try for a boundary? Even though I know and fully acknowledge that you're in a lot of pain?

Just talk about what YOU did, what YOU feel, what YOU want in the future.

YOU.

You seriously have no real idea about Andrew, because no matter how many times you deny it, it's so very clear from all your posts since the beginning that you've been trying with all your might to reconfigure that guy into the guy you wanted him to be, and the same for your relationship with him.

Part of being honest.

May 28, 2013

I broke NC once and I burst into flames immediately.

don't do it.

I just did a spit take after reading that! Hahahahaha!

June 10, 2013

I am going well guys...

He texts me and tells me he loves me/misses me/ does not want anyone else/ wants to try again when I get back from overseas/is not ruling anything out with me etc etc...................

I have been strong and stuck no contact. I know for a while that I need to be happy with my own life and work on that for a while in addition to therapy, before I am ready for any relationship.

I am going well, I have a lot of friends and I am about to enter into my dream situation in life (studying towards dream career whilst working part time to earn a living in jobs I love)

I have learnt a lot from my relationship and just need a little time on my own right now before I am ready for the next love. I will sure never look for love (I was not looking when we met)

In spite of what everyone thinks, I will always believe that while my ex was a pig, that some men who see hookers can do so while they are in love. I do not think all men in love are necessarily decent people who are monogamous.

I will never assume that the relationship ended because he was not in love with me enough. I do not think any man on the planet would have stuck around with me with all my problems.

Nor would any women with self respect have stuck around with him and his immature ways.

My gut says he will be back. I still believe that some relationships end, even if the love is there. The issues people have within themselves can make any relationship not work out.

I do not think this is a classis example of " he will find a girl and be like wow I really did not love leigh, THIS is what love is". Nor will I meet a guy one day and realise that I was not in love with my idiot ex.

I just do not think it worked out. And I don't listen to people who say there was no chance that he adored me or loved me.

Staying strong with No Contact.

June 10, 2013

I have a new defence mechanism that is really helping me move on,

I imagine him, and even have dreams of him, with a super skinny model look alike, totally in love and happy.

That is my worst nightmare and the absolute worst case scenario for me, is that: he moves on right away, falls madly in love and realises that he was not in love with me, and the girl is the opposite of what I look like (skinny model, lol).

I dream of it sometimes, and you know what? Assuming the worst possible scenario is happening HELPS ME to move on. It really helps.

Whenever he comes to mind I just pretend that he has already moved on to a girl he is falling madly in love with.

I think it is best to assume the worst; that way, No Contact will take you to a place where you CAN handle the worst. Because you will end up indifferent to it.

Logically and in my gut? I do not think the worst has happened (given he texts me a lot saying he does not want anyone else) but I condition myself to believe it.

I wake up from those dreams about him with the new girl without feeling scared or upset; I feel stronger and like I am going to forget about my pain of missing him sooner.

June 10, 2013

Friday night I came home from being out with friends and it hit me. Saturday I went out with friends for my birthday, and I felt great. My mind was present, I wasn't thinking about him. I didn't even wonder what my ex was doing. That was a good, free-ing, healing feeling. Then late last night I broke NC because he texted he wished he could celebrate my birthday with me and he missed me.

TERRIBLE IDEA. I've been crying all day. We have been texting back and forth. And guess what? Nothing has changed. He still wants to be my ex. He went from missing me to telling me that I'm driving him insane. And now I'm back to day one of NC.

June 10, 2013

How long have you been NC?

You still seem to really put a lot of thought into him, how he is feeling, what he might do in the future. Personally, I just squash any thought of my ex when he comes to mind, and I find that he comes to mind less often. I don't wish him ill. I don't wish him anything at all.

June 10, 2013

Friday night I came home from being out with friends and it hit me. Saturday I went out with friends for my birthday, and I felt great. My mind was present, I wasn't thinking about him. I didn't even wonder what my ex was doing. That was a good, free-ing, healing feeling. Then late last night I broke NC because he texted he wished he could celebrate my birthday with me and he missed me.

TERRIBLE IDEA. I've been crying all day. We have been texting back and forth. And guess what? Nothing has changed. He still wants to be my ex. He went from missing me to telling me that I'm driving him insane. And now I'm back to day one of NC.

Wow how awful that must have been!

It sucks when they send breadcrumbs. My ex throws me the hugest breadcrumbs of all: he says he IS in love with me, and he left because our personal situations made it impossible for us to be with ANYONE.

Whatever.

He even tells me he is still in love with me (I do not respond), and that he does not want other girls at all and that he wants to see if we can work things out BLABLABLA.

THANKS for sharing, stories like yours REALLY keep be strong in No Contact, since I know how hurt I could end up!

Them missing us IS NOT them being in love with us and wanting to commit to a relationship with us!

June 10, 2013

How long have you been NC?

You still seem to really put a lot of thought into him, how he is feeling, what he might do in the future. Personally, I just squash any thought of my ex when he comes to mind, and I find that he comes to mind less often. I don't wish him ill. I don't wish him anything at all.

I agree. While the thoughts are still rampant, I actually think of him with a new hot girlfriend who he realises he loves SO MUCH MORE than he loved me.

Literally every time I think of him, I think him with someone else. It really seems to help me, however strange it sounds.

I think of him less and less each day but it is HARD to cut all thoughts out when he tells me he IS still in love with me, and wants to work things out.

Don't worry though, I never think about him without thinking about him happily with a new women. My thoughts are not hope filled at all.

He will stop texting and move on soon. I even went into my phone shop that has specialists working there and they said they can only block incoming CALLS and not texts. It is really strange, I am going to ask them again since Telstra staff are notorious for being incompetent LOL.

Any thought I have of him is not related to hope, I hope that is at least some progress. And the fact I have turned down his proposal of "being together and seeing if we can work things out"

Trust me, turning down seeing him to work things out is the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

June 10, 2013

2 months after NC, I thought it would be safe to write him an email suggesting we catch up over coffee. This is when I found out he is flying to Venezuela this week to see a girl he met on vacation and is head over heels in love with. This is something I surely didn't expect or want to know. These next couple of weeks while he is there, will be troubling for me. I know that they will be making love every night, his feelings will grow even stronger and stronger, and he is suggesting to her that she move here. I'm sick over it.

June 10, 2013

I agree. While the thoughts are still rampant, I actually think of him with a new hot girlfriend who he realises he loves SO MUCH MORE than he loved me.

Literally every time I think of him, I think him with someone else. It really seems to help me, however strange it sounds.

I think of him less and less each day but it is HARD to cut all thoughts out when he tells me he IS still in love with me, and wants to work things out.

Don't worry though, I never think about him without thinking about him happily with a new women. My thoughts are not hope filled at all.

He will stop texting and move on soon. I even went into my phone shop that has specialists working there and they said they can only block incoming CALLS and not texts. It is really strange, I am going to ask them again since Telstra staff are notorious for being incompetent LOL.

Any thought I have of him is not related to hope, I hope that is at least some progress. And the fact I have turned down his proposal of "being together and seeing if we can work things out"

Trust me, turning down seeing him to work things out is the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

Do you realize that every sentence in this posts related to him in some way? Just think about what that implicates. You are still being dictated, to some extent, by him.

You could ask him not to text you. I have read your previous posts, and it seems he would agree to that. Why not do that?

June 10, 2013

Every time I think of breaking No Contact, I think of theWORST possible scenario.

I think of him ignoring me, me freaking out, until he says " Leigh 87, I am sort of seeing someone special and I want to see where it goes. We should stop chatting for a bit"

My gut tells me this won't happen since when we did talk, he was still all about me and my gut said he was not moving on enough from me to allow other people in.

Still though. I must act like the WORST thing has already happened; he is already with someone else. As far as I am concerned, he COULD be, and whatever he does is not anything I should think or worry about.

If he loves me so much he will come back, which is highly unlikely to happen since my story is not an exception or likely to be the 1% of stories where the dumper is actually in love with me and wants me back.

People don't live their life expecting to win the lotto, and I look at this the same way. Although it took me a MONTH post break up to come to this realisation.......

I am still in the very early stages of No Contact, as he wanted to work things out and he was averse to moving on from me at this stage.

I found it hard to say no to him at first, but I really want my self respect back and I know I cannot accept a guy back into my life if he breaks my heart.

When I am happy alone and am sorting my crap out, I will have no reason to wan to try again, and it would be on my terms if we did.

.................................

He wants to get in touch with me when I arrive home from my overseas trip. It will be over 2 months most break up, almost three.

I have been sorting my self out and getting therapy. I am hoping No Contact, therapy, and learning to live my live without ANY need for my old relationship, will allow me to be strong enough to ignore his attempts of contact.

I HAVE to ignore him right? Therapy, working towards my own life and being happy without him is NOT enough reason to answer his calls or texts, right?

June 10, 2013

Do you realize that every sentence in this posts related to him in some way? Just think about what that implicates. You are still being dictated, to some extent, by him.

You could ask him not to text you. I have read your previous posts, and it seems he would agree to that. Why not do that?

After time away from me and my issues, he ended up telling me that he is in love with me enough to want to be around me minus my issues, and he wants to see me get my life in order so that I am ready for a relationship.

Look. It was HARD to walk away from him wanting to work things out with me.

He is not a deep thinker and he had no idea that I cannot just get my life together and get me self respect back overnight.

I spent a bit of time with him. We had sex twice even. More than anything, he wanted to just come over at night and hug me in bed.

He said it made him happier than anything else in the world and that he was not ready to move on.

TRUST ME. I know it sounds bad, but it was SO HARD to walk away from that.

I think he will get it and stop messaging me.

Although if he remains single, which he likely will with his track record, he will probably reach out to me again one day.

You're right that I am not even close to being over him!

June 10, 2013

Here is another silly thing I tell myself whenever I think about the fact that my gut says he will reach out when I get back from overseas.

" just because no one else wants him and he stays single and he comes back, why on earth would I want a dude that no other decent women would want"

My therapist says that if you tall yourself something millions of times instead of thinking your old thoughts (mine was " my gut feels that he IS in love with me and WILL be back) if you REPLACE your old thoughts with new ones, the new thoughts will stick.

So far, I have had two or 3 dreams about him; I watched over his house from above (as you do in dreams!) and I saw him with a new sexy young girl (he had a thing for young girls:sick:).

I went through the process, in my dream, of thinking " wow I never meant that much to him since he has already moved on"

When I woke up, strangely, I was not perturbed or upset. Really.

I feel this is progress, as when I was WITH him, I occasionally had nightmares about him being with other women. I DID wake up crying from those nightmares.

Now I am not upset by such dreams; I do not consider them actual "nightmares".

What do you think about this?

I KNOW I need to somehow stop thinking about him! I feel better since I have started to envision the worst, though.

June 10, 2013

She could change her phone number. Ring the phone company and ask them to swap 1 digit in your phone. Text everyone the new number, omitting anyone connected to your ex.

I want him to be able to contact me.

I feel powerful ignoring him.

And look. I know I am not fully at he point I need to be at yet when I say this, however; my instinct, my gut feeling that has never been wrong (the same instinct that KNEW we would not last this time around).

My very deepest gut feeling that has never wronged me, genuinely thinks that we had enough love and the right personalities, to be happily together.

If, after a year or after months, I live happily without him and would not necessarily want him back, he DID come back.

Then sorry. But I can't, in good conscious, say that I do not think we would have a lasting, healthy and happy relationship together, if we both got our ****e together in life.

I cannot quiet bring myself to change my number yet.

For now, I will try to just ignore him, which is not hard at this stage.

I have faith in No Contact. If I do not respond to HIM for long enough, and once he stops trying to reach out to ME; I will GET that he does not want to come back.

.................................................

Not everyone blocks their numbers?

I have done a few positive things:

- I have ended a friendship with one mutual friends whom we are BOTH good friends with. She understood although she was upset.

- I have blocked and deleted ALL his friends.

- I have asked ALL MY FRIENDS who had him, to block him. Which they have done.

................................................

He can text me but cannot call me since his number is blocked.

So far, I am ignoring the one way he can contact me: via text.

I think I am doing OKAY and I have hope of maintaining No Contact.

June 10, 2013

Guys, I KNOW it is bad that I am not ready to change my number.

I admit that I am not 100% ready to let go, to the extent where I am going to STOP him from being ABLE to want me back, if he did.

Please though. I have walked away from him when he literally TOLD me he is still in love with me, and that he wants to see if we can be together without both our personal issues making the relationship impossible.

I think I did a very good thing! I walked away when a guy told me he was still in love with me and wanted to work things out.

I think I was strong in doing that, because it went against what I naturally wanted to do.

I also think I have been strong in staying No Contact, in spite of his texts.

I have the capacity to surprise you all. I am doing better than some people on here, who may not have been able to walk away from an ex who SAID they wanted to try again and did NOT want to move on.

Right now, the most important thing at the top of my list: is to finally work on my own life. I have come a long way since my anorexia and dark past, I actually have a lot of friends now.

I 100% acknowledge that I have to sort my own life out before I even responded to any attempt from him to beg for another chance.

I am not ready to block the only way for him to ever contact me again.

Perhaps it will take another 2 or 3 months of No Contact for me to lose urges to keep my number available for him to contact me with.

June 10, 2013

Me neither come on Leigh spill it we already have one liar on forum you are responding he is messaging but what he does in mean time ....

June 10, 2013

I AM SERIOUS.

Guys!

I am NOT responding.

:lmao:

What is the point?

I don't think everyone has to literally change their numbers or block all means of communication?

I think I have made reasonable attempts to cut contact, I have even asked my friends to block him.

I have lost one mutual friend over it who I was close to, and I have blocked and deleted her, too.

And he is blocked from "calling me" but I cannot bloody figure out how to block his texts ugh. And neither could the staff at the phone shop.

Anyways. I think I have at least made SOME progress:lmao:

June 10, 2013

Wow, that's healthy. And attention-seeking. Any, no matter how destructive, is better than none, huh?

I don't believe for a second that you're not responding. Not for a second!

grrrr.

Give me SOME credit.

I HAVE made some steps.

I walked away when he said he was in love with me and that he did not want to move on, and to give things another go.

I have blocked all forms of social media; and had my friends block him, too. So they do not feel tempted to tell me if some girl tags him in a picture. He does not even USE facebook to talk about relationships, yet I got them to block him anyway.

Come on now. I don't completely suck:lmao:

I do not have one positive thought about the idiot. I literally only picture him with his new girlfriend every time I think of him.

I only think of the bad things he did to me. And trust me there were way more happy times than bad times. Yet I do not even allow myself to think of one happy thought.

Can you stop being so mean and at least see that I am making SOME progress?

At least I am not letting him come around here, tell me how much he loves me and wants to work things out, and enjoy being with him again. Which, trust me, I WAS enjoying.

June 10, 2013

OK then just stop talking about him in every sentence !!!!

we are not being mean but real

June 10, 2013

OK then just stop talking about him in every sentence !!!!
we are not being mean but real

I am still in love with him and I still want to be together so badly. I admit this. It is hard to stop wanting to be together with a man you were mostly very happy with for years.

I realise I have to stop talking about him at all. I don't talk about him to my friends, besides one girl. She is probably my best friend, and she is going through a very hard break up herself.

Besides that one girl, I honestly do not talk to my mum or any of my friends about my ex idiot.

I do appreciate hearing horror stories of people that break no contact though. It makes me even more determined to not end up like that.

I suppose I should stick to hearing stories about other people, rather than talk about HIM.

June 10, 2013

And there you go

June 10, 2013

Anyways. I know people think I should change my number.

I just found out I can block it if I pay them money. I have an overseas trip in a week or so. No way I am wasting money on him.

Plus I want to leave the door open. Look, I fully admit that I am NOT certain and I am NOT convinced that I want to shut him out if, in the future, he comes to me saying he will do whatever it takes to be with me.

After time alone and living live happily alone, I am not closing off that possibility that he will say those words, one day.

Yes I do know the statistics; I am more likely to be hit by lightening than hear him say those words.

I am not expecting it. I know logically that it just won't happen.

There is no way I will contact him back unless he clearly states he is willing to do whatever it takes to make a new relationship work.

I realty will not respond with anything short of what the No Contact guide says.

And even then, I might even have my own life sorted out and be happy enough living it to NOT WANT him back:lmao:

June 10, 2013

I reckon you'll throw him a "going away shag" before you go OS... :laugh:

:mad:

Hey... I am not planning to even text him?

Unless he shows up at my door:lmao:

Is it bad that I was the one who wanted sex the most? He was SERIOUSLY not wanting to have sex, since the break up was very distressing and he had to figure out his emotions.

................until he was too drunk one night to care. He literally went from saying " Leigh, the relationship has ended and it is very traumatizing right now and sex does not feel right at all"

" I am in love with you but things are all messed up and I do not want to throw myself into sex when it is largely an emotional act with you"

...............To him getting in the car 3 weeks later and trying to do to every crazy thing to me imaginable whilst I was driving at a very high speed.

Ugh. THAT is one of the stupid reasons I *liked* him! He is fun. I get bored by most people. Sexually. And otherwise, to be frank.

We had sex only one more time. He did not even initiate, I did; he just agreed that things had settled down between us.

Unless he shows up at my door, there will be a serious dry spell for Leigh 87:(

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