Ilovemye90tt Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 Hi just joined this forum, following a few interesting threads for the last few days. Anyways I wanted some opinions & advices about my current situation I am experiencing at the moment. I was with an ex gf for almost 4 years, pretty much the entire years of Highschool. We were wonderful together I loved her very much. And she did as well. Towards the last year of being together things started to fall apart; she became very distant, cold, and just not her. So I ended up breaking up with her because I just didn't feel comfortable with it and I couldn't stand it. After breaking up with her I started NO CONTACT. She contacted me about 3 weeks after break up call me a few times left message and texts. I completely ignored it and disregarded it. Basics of the story what I'm confused right now is after having NC for just about 2 years she hits me up outta the blue. I get one text out of nowhere when I wake up... "I had a dream about you..." My reaction WTH? Thought I was dreaming. I ended up responding at a professional level and said whatsup and all. We ended up exchanging few texts and she was being upbeat and funny. Didn't really care for it much but what stood out was; -we almost had a kid together long time ago she ended up having a miscarriage (she was very cold and distant after that) Basically she said her dream was about that we were still together and ended up having the kid we went to the park all 3 of us and him and me were killed somehow and she was left all alone with me and him in her arms. ^sound legit to you all? Or she made it up? And after that she asked me if I would've stayed if she ended up having the kid. At that time (back then) I was just a teen I was panicking so I pulled away and didn't know what to do. So she felt alone. But I told her in the end I would've taken full responsibility. "She was very happy that she heard that because she always wondered" 2nd time she hit me up was for cinco de mayo just to say that: "Happy Cinco De Mayo day" (Smiley face added) Okay I said "you too" weird either of us are Spanish/Hispanic Latino background. So I just let it blow by. 3rd time: asking me how I am and etc. few text message exchanged. She apparently knew where I worked after we broke up (new job) This freaked me out didn't know how she knew. Maybe she asked someone that went to the same church as us. She also asked me if I was excited to be an uncle because my relative is having twins soon. Don't know kinda freaked me out she just said that out of nowhere, we are not friends! I ain't your friend! So how does she know all this. Through text she's really nice and consistent to contact me back. If I don't text her back in like 20 mins she texts again with a relevant subject etc. When she texted me the 3rd time, she started off with just got back from California! And after she (without me asking) said she became a co-director to her group! Okay? Like I give a rats A.(kidding just wanted I say like that) All this info she tells me I don't ask her or show her any interest. Just keep it a generalized conversation. So what you guys think? If you guys can help that'll be great! Thanks! Any other info needed please feel free to ask!
TaraMaiden Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 She didn't break contact. YOU broke contact. You implemented it. She managed to get you to break it. So that's not on her, that's on you.... I ended up responding at a professional level And what does the bolded mean, exactly...?!? She got you to break contact with absolutely no point at all. And every contact since, has been pointless too.... Sorry. What was the question....?
Author Ilovemye90tt Posted May 28, 2013 Author Posted May 28, 2013 Thanks for the response taramaiden. My question is what does this mean? She wanna get back or no? Simple as that. Professional convo like me not flirting back or anything. Just responding normal. And yes I do know I broke the NC. Because after 2 years of NC I just want to know what she wants? What does it seem like?
TaraMaiden Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 Breadcrumbs. She's friend-zoning you. She's decided it's high time you put the break-up behind you. You should be over it, by now - she obviously is. But she's just yanking your chain to make sure you don't forget your past..... I think she's full of 'Bovine Scatology' (Someone else's phrase, but brilliant nevertheless!) and is holding you in friendship with a connection you guys had. Actually, tbh, i think it's a bit sick.....
Kobe2345 Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 @tara- if you ever want an reconcilation after a long period, shouldnt you start off as a friend first and start dating like you dont know each other?
TaraMaiden Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 If. But why would you? The thing is - you DO know each other.... Something broke badly last time. Why risk that again? Remember that both parties have to want it, to the same level. And must be prepared, whatever it takes, to work on on that same level... IF - (again, that word) - all those things come together, then perhaps yes, it can work. But general banter, light convo and discussions on nothing very definitely denote a lighter, impersonal and even indifferent touch. And not a glimmer of reconciliation in sight.
Kobe2345 Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 The thing is people do grow up and mature over time and im sure these guys have reflected on what happened during the breakup.. Do you really think people are going to come begging that they made a mistake for leaving each other rather than test the waters first and see what changes and improvements have been made before reconciling?
aisuru Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 She is feeling nostalgic and misses you. Doesn't mean she wants a relationship. Look, every one of my exes (with the exception of the most recent one) has found a way to insert themselves into my life months or years after the breakup. Err, one last fall was more than a DECADE after I last spoke to him. It just happens. The reality is that by that time, the emotions are DEAD. DEAD. DEAD. So, what do you want? Are you okay with friendship? Or are you hoping to reconcile more than 2 years after the BU? Only you can know what you want and what is best for you.
HuffmanMontana Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 The thing is people do grow up and mature over time and im sure these guys have reflected on what happened during the breakup.. Do you really think people are going to come begging that they made a mistake for leaving each other rather than test the waters first and see what changes and improvements have been made before reconciling? Maybe I am naive but this sounds good to me. Why would anyone (including dumpee) want an ex back who came begging? If you're bond is strong enough or the the compatibility is there be friends first, if there's a chance it should follow shortly.
Kobe2345 Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 Exactly, people do grow up, and they come back a different person... Shouldn't A start of a fresh friendship should lead to reconcilation if the spark remains and the issues are gone?
crederer Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 It could be breadcrumbs, it could be she wants to reconcile. You wont really know unless you're willing to play it out. Be prepared though, because it is most likely, statistically speaking, just her catching up on a person that had a big impact in her life at some point.
Lostint Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 So your girlfriend found herself pregnant as a teenager, had a miscarriage, became cold and distant after that, you dumped her, cut off all contact, now she contacts you and you respond in a very cold manner... I'm feeling kind of sorry for this girl to be honest, going through a miscarriage would be traumatic for anyone but especially for a teenager who's just starting out in life. It's not surprising she became cold and distant, she was probably struggling to deal with it. It doesn't sound as if you helped much or tried to understand - but maybe there's more to the story than what you wrote. And yet from your post you make it sound like you were the one who was wronged, it kind of comes across like you hate her or at least are angry at her. It's not really clear to me why.
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